Decipher the Story of My Life

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“Take up one idea. Make that one idea your life - think of it, dream of it, live on that idea. Let the brain, muscles, nerves, every part of your body, be full of that idea, and just leave every other idea alone. This is the way to success, that is way great spiritual giants are produced.” Swami Vivekananda
“Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.” Steve Jobs
“The truth is incontrovertible, malice may attack it, ignorance may deride it, but in the end; there it is.” Winston Churchill

interesting christmas?
Friday, December 25, 2009 11:19 PM

hmm, i suppose i have a rather different christmas this year? ever since p6, my christmas was to be spent in a church! HAHAHA. yeahh, mostly its concerts concerts and more concerts. but still, its fun! cause i like to hear christmas songs! HAHAHAHHA.

and this time round, i decided to spend my christmas with the team instead! although its not the whole team, but still, im glad that most of us appeared although its rather last minute! STUPID ALICIA, IT'S UR LOSS NOT TO TURN UP! INSTEAD, U HAVE TO ROT AT HOME. I HOPE YOU SEES THIS. HAHAHAHAHAHA. yeahh, one word, FUN!(: but im lazy to talk about everything. so just go see the pictures on fb. not mine of course. those who went with cameras. HAHAHA.

but weird thing is, normally ppl's christmas party is at night de. ours is super early kind! HAHAHHA. cause we're all busy ppl yo! HAHAHHA. after that left and had nth to do. so, the usual me, is to go find ppl house to go slack. HAHAHHA. so decided to go winny tio's house! HAHAHHA. see! we're so nice to keep u company on christmas day! AHHAHAHHA. we wanted to watch movie. but its like full house. plus, qinyu dont watch horror ones! HAHAHAH. those cartoons im alr booked. HAHAHHA.

so practically, thats my day. OHH! AND, MY SISTER STAYED AT HOME ALL DAY TODAY! AHAHAHHAHAH. ITS DAMN AMAZING THAT SHE STAYED AT HOME TODAY WITHOUT HER BOYFRIEND AT HOME AND ITS CHRISTMAS! AHAHAHHA. ITS BECAUSE SHE JUST CAME BACK FROM MALAYSIA THE NIGHT BEFORE! AHAHHAHA. BUT SHE DID NOT BUY ANYTHING FOR ME! AHAHHAHA. I TELL HER TO GO GENTING NXT TIME AND I'LL FOLLOW. NOT SAYING THAT I DIDNT GO BEFORE. BUT BETTER THAN STAYING IN SINGAPORE! AHAHAHA.

I SUDDENLY WANT TO TYPE IN CAPS FOR THE MOMENT. AHAHHAHHA. ITS MY YOUNGER SISTER BIRTHDAY ON MONDAY. AHAHHAHA. AND STUPID THING IS, SHE BOUGHT ANOTHER BIG BLUE DOG FOR HER BIRTHDAY PRESENT! I SHOULD BE NICE AND NOT GET HER ANYTHING ELSE. HAHAHAHAHHA. I'LL JUST PEI HER GO WATCH ALVIN AND THE CHIPMUNKS ON MONDAY. BUT MY SISTER CANT GO. CAUSE SHES HAVING LESSONS. HAHAHHA. OLDER ONE BTW. SO I ASK HER TO SKIPPED IT. AHAHAHHAHAH.

I THINK I WENT CRAZY. I REALLY NEED PLENTY OF SLEEP MAN. HAVENT REALLY BEEN SLEEPING! DIE! I SHALL GO BACK TO THE NORMAL MOOD.

i realised something. i can't seem to forget what happened. i should just always keep myself busy. its still the best to be away for this period of time. im still trying to prove that far distant friendships are possible! you know what? i kinda do miss trgs now. though i know that trgs are always a killer. but i kinda dont have the dreading feeling anymore. i dono why. and worst thing, i kinda miss ms huang's voice and 'humour'! HAHAHAHHA. shes getting lamer by each trg man! goosh, my right shoulder feels so dislocated! HAHAHHAHA.

I NEED TO SLEEP NOW. BYE. I SUPPOSE THIS MOOD IS NORMAL NOW. OR MAYBE TOO NORMAL. AHAHAH

Assured.
Tuesday, December 22, 2009 8:19 PM

kk, lets talk about the camp. rather fun i suppose? HEH. i did had a good start in the camp. like really a good start. though the day bfore i had a very bad feeling cause my right eyelid kept twitching like no one'es business. although its really no one's business. HAHAHHA. but it was damn irritating. thus i though something really bad would happen. cause its normally true, im serious. my sixth sense is DAMN DAMN zhun one. HAHAHA.

so we won the game against nanyang ytd. i kinda think that nanyang's game was the most smooth on i played so far. or even the team played. although yes, there are some parts of the game where we did not do things properly. but i think everyone of us did tried. we didnt want to disappoint ms huang anymore. at first i was really scared that the same thing would happen. but that feeling was way wrong. cause i really dono what's got over me and i FINALLY performed up to a RATHER acceptable standard. like finally i see myself doing something useful on court. though im sure that those saves i made will be called when its a real game. but im really glad that at least ive tried. i finally did not hear my name because i did something wrong.

then was lunch. and started playing some games. fun i suppose? HAHAH. but honestly speaking, i dislike doing such things. and i kinda think that its not really ms huang style too. perhaps she just wanted us to bond and relax for the moment? cause she really tried to kill us after the games. HAHAHHA.

after the games were some runnings, including punishment for loser team. which is the team im in. HAHAHA. yeahh, and its really the mental part thats working ALOT for this trg. I SWEAR I PERSPIRED THE MOST AS COMPARED TO OTHER TRGS. we had to run 6rounds within 8min. which is alright. then was 3sets of suicide with partner doing static hold. i rather do static hold until everybody finish running suicide i tell u!

after that was ball work with the C`Div? omg, i cant rmb. HAHAHA. i only know we ran super ALOT ALOT ALOT. i just feel that we kept running. and i have absolutely NO IDEA how i survived the trg. cause i was tired, but i just didnt felt like stopping. okk, maybe only the part where we kept defending and attacking thingy. that was really tiring. its really hard to keep ur legs moving when u're on the verge to faint. HAHAHHA. what more to get around ur attacker to intercept. so whenever im tired, denying of movements work the best for me. i just hope the stupid attacker wont take a front pass, cause i really dont have the energy anymore.

okk, then i really cant rmb what we did alr. i have no idea if we actually did any courtwork. like work on it or smth. im mixing up today's trg with ytd's trg. HAHAHA.

so after trg, we bathed, ate and then crapped and slept. i shall skip all of that. if not the post will be even longer. HAHAHHA. plus, all ive typed is really not the main point for me to blog. HAHAHHA.

so today's trg was slacker. anyway i really didnt had the energy to do so much things anymore. im just plain suay. only some ppl know what i meant i suppose. HAHAHA. and thats the reason why my right eyelid kept twitching. HAHAHHA. im damn lazy on my feet today. really didnt felt like moving alr. and the first part was WOAH. HAHAHHA. we ran outside 2rounds within 15min. and i actually did it in 14.07min! HAHAHAH. wowness man. i didnt imagine myself to finish way earlier than 15min. previously my timing was 16min+ reaching 17min i think. im quite glad my stamina really improved quite abit. though its improving slowly, but at least im trying and everything alr.

okk, then skip everything else to the video and one-to-one talk thingy. HAHAHA. video was funny. though i dont like seeing myself. but i think see how i run and defend and everything will let me know what i have to change and stuffs. honestly speaking, i do want ppl to tell me what i actually did wrong and right on court. but i realised that i dont really accept my own teammates comment when they said something. cause its either i dont think im in the wrong or what she said i alr know. i realised i only accepts the coach's teachings. i dono why, but i think i've got to change that. different ppl sees thing differently and what more think even more differently!

so the one-to-one talk thingy wasnt that scary afterall. i felt rather nervous at first. cause im not sure what shes gona say. what more, i havent form words in my mind to reply her. HAHAHA. abit contradicting cause i say i dono what shes gona say and then i also say i havent form words. but somehow, more or less, i really do know what shes gona say. the WHOLE conversation felt like PTC again. just that its not with a parent. HAHAHA. some parts of it i expected it. some parts i really didnt expect her to say. some parts i really want to laugh, but cant. HAHAHHA. i didnt expect myself to look her in the eyes when shes talking man. but amazingly, i did that. cause i dont even do that when im talking to my friends lahh!

i realised that if i continue playing as a defender, the same problem will arise again and again and again. it'll nv stop until i play a attacker. but for god's sake, i really cant attack well. haizz. i just hope i improve on what im lacking, to cover up on my disadvantage. i really hope i could improve on all of it. but at least, i think this time round the situation is a little more different. cause im playing WD now, and my defending strengths is different from the other WD. plus, somehow, i feel the trust there alr. finally, today, i felt that assurance. i kinda know how she thinks alr. i dono if its good or bad. but i believe i will think the good one instead. i do kinda think that she say different things to me. somehow, i really do feel like a young adult, like in the twenties when i talk to her. now, im very sure that she did place hopes on me. and i cant let her down just like dat. i have to work on all the things that im lacking now! and im gona work doubly hard now. im not gona lose my chance and perhaps my future just like that. i dont want to end my last year so easily without putting up a good tough fight for what i want to achieve. and thats really final.

im done talking abt one on one talk. HAHAHA. i realised i cant wear ankle guard for too long. wowness right? i just realised it today, cause i had rashes after i took it out! OMG. i totally cant believe it. now i really agree that i have a lot of problems. HAHAH. then i cant tape too. like, im so troublesome right? HAHAHHA. and today was my first time cabbing home ALONE. HAHAHHAHA. and i wasted 11.90dollars today. HAHAHAH. just because im lazy, tired, pain and everything. i dont wanna list all of it out. HAHAHAHHA.

okk, im gona slp REAL soon. cause i think i only slept for around 8h for 2 days. AND I TYPED TWO DAYS! and i really dono how i survived with this little amount of slp. i think i rock man! HAHAHAHHA.

Who am i?
Sunday, December 20, 2009 4:34 PM

okk, danger ahead. HAHAH. im lazy to paragraph it. so happy reading if u want to(:

hmmm, seems like many ppl are bothered over many different things nowadays huh. just saw some teammate's blogs. kk, more like just sec3s. very specific right me. but yes, we're all rather worried and stuffs for the team. cause none of our friendlies have been a smooth one. what more with ms huang's scoldings. she asked us if its bcause she scold us then we feel that we played badly or we do know that we played badly. somehow, i know all our answers will be both. we can feel it ourselves on court. like what she said, we're the ones who are playing, not her. when the defenders dont intercept the balls, or the attacker couldnt get the ball. we know we aren't performing well alr. but the scoldings totally add on to it that we FURTHER understand we aren't performing. sometimes, we do know what we're suppose to do, but somehow, its just doesnt come out. ok, ive no idea how to put it in words. but i believe netballers understand this. previously, ms huang asked us to think on court. even the coaches bfore her also said they want their players to be able to think on their own. i swear i tried. but i just keep forgetting bits and pieces of what i've learnt to put it into use. like for crescent's game, i've a fast WA, i know what shes doing. but somehow, i dono how i should start defending her. i dono if what im thinking is right. so i dono if i could do it. then for dunman's game, its a hard WA. like, its impossible for u to bang her or even get pass her easily. ms huang told me what to do. but i totally forgotten abt keeping her on one side part! and i forgotten abt what it means by dictating her moves! if only there's someone there to tell me what to do instead of me telling them what to do. cause i know its impossible to always be waiting for ms huang telling me what to do. i have to be thinking too! i dono either. sometimes i do feel that im a failure. after playing netball for so long i still cant figure things out by myself easily. what more everytime after game i ask myself if i think i put in my best efforts. but the answer that appears is not really. i dono when i've stop to really challenge for the first ball. i see it, but somehow my legs just doesnt want to move faster to challenge for it. even when it comes to catching the ball. yes, i seldom drop ball. but i realised that i dont really do strong pull ins on court. the same thing kinda happened twice. i got the ball in the air but bfore i landed, it got hit off. in normal situations, umpires will call for contact. but when its a friendly, things like dat wont normally be seen and called. it just got hit off like that. but obviously the same thing did not happen in the same game. if not i'll just kill myself. i HATE it when ppl hit away my ball. HAHAHA. only i can do that to their ball but not to mine. HAHAHA. selfish? maybe. HAHAH.

talking about disappointments. i do think that i've disappoint more than enough ppl alr. yes, sure enough i dont know if they in the first place have high hopes for me. but from how they see me and how i understand them, i do think they have. and ive alr disappoint them enough. yeahh, honestly speaking, i did give up this year. but i told myself to come back on strongly next year. and i HAVE to do it. i cant afford wasting time anymore. neither can i disppoint any more ppl. this time round, i really dont know how to judge them. but at least i have to tell myself that they do have hopes in me. what more i cant disappoint myself nor the team. i dont need anymore regrets nor do i need anymore disappointments. i dont want to be in the same spot and not moving for such a long time. its really time to move on alr.

okk, im done typing such long chunks of words. HAHAHHA. i dono why i typed so much too. i do have a lot more to say. but i cant rmb what izzit! HAHAHHA. finally the camp is reaching! and the match is reaching too! i hope this time everything goes smoothly and well. i have to be smarter!!!! so i say, theory is really way easier than practical. believe it or not. lets just pray that everything goes smoothly!

Nothing's going smoothly...
Thursday, December 17, 2009 9:33 PM

hmm, this kinda really sucks alot. i feel like living this place again. dont really know what's got into me. just cant seem to work things out properly. guess it is right that im a nerd or watsoever. nerds cant play sports. this sucks. i really rather be a newbie all over again. its so much easier to kick the habit if im a newbie.

sometimes i really dono who am i. everything's just seem so wrong and stuffs. its been so long and everything's just like that only. sometimes, when im up there, i really wished to just quit it. sometimes i really dono how to continue things. sometimes, i just really wished she could be more direct. i dont want to always be the independent one. i dont want to be the one always thinking for others. i dont want to always be the one worrying for this and that. sometimes, i really just want to turn time back and be a kiddo. sometimes, i really dono how i hold things back. i really think i tried. but i dont think thats to my best ability. i do feel like a useless fool at times.

i think we really disappoint her alot these few days. she was so pissed today that she cancelled the MGS match tmr. i kinda think i really triggered it off. haizz, really, just forget about it. i've got to train on my centre pass defence and defending pull back lobs. who will be the kinda soul to help me? AHHAHA. nvm, nobody help me i also will pull ppl come help.

Back to basics?
Wednesday, December 16, 2009 4:13 PM

hmm, after so much of feeling this and that. my life STILL revolves around netball and netball only? im still so bored without having trg and what not. previously, i was so busy till i didnt have time to rest. though im still busy now. but i guess i had enough rest alr?

we're having friendlies nowadays. no time for trg at all. wowness huh? all the mistakes made on court, no time to correct. we kinda have been losing too. in a sense, 4 quarter kind. but in 6 quarter, we won. its a good thing and also a bad thing. cause if its a REAL game, we would have lost. but if its not, it shows that we have more determination than the other team. what more strength to carry on fighting. but somehow, i rather think of it the bad way. which is we lost. i guess our team needs to be MORE hardworking!

upcoming matches are against east spring sec, dunman sec, MGS and nanyang? i guess thats the end of friendlies? just wish us and me good luck man! AHHAHA. hopefully everything goes well.

Understanding life?
Monday, December 14, 2009 8:39 PM

its been freaking long since ive came online or even blogged. cause im just too busy and lazy too. besides, my sis kept taking the lappy out of the house. until today, i finally found time to come online. HAHAHHA. i realised i have absolutely no idea what homeworks we're given or what test are there when sch reopens. HAHAHAH. I AM SO DEAD. but, im sure there's more of this kinda ppl out there. AHHAHA. not forgetting im sec4 next year!

just to give u ppl an update or smth. i've just been netballing since i came back from hongkong. starts from 6dec though. all the way till ytd? just about netball, exercising and getting myself all worn out and not forgetting about spending lots of money! HAHAH. only until today had i actually found time to slack at home and read(:

kk, enough of the real world. lets just talk about my world. HAHAHAH.

somehow, there's just so many things i wanna say. but it just get stuck when im suppose to phrase it into words. i dono when this though came into my mind. but i kinda realised that i actually really didnt know the meaning of life bfore i actually think i've grown up again. like i've said, again. previously, my world really did just revolved around netball and netball only. but now, i kinda found more reasons to live. k, im not very sure what im talking though. like ive said, the feelings and emotions just get stuck. i just dont know how to express them. neither did i actually want to find a way to express them. just like the book i've read. its not about being scared of saying them out. its just about being afraid of not being able to stop. time do heals some wound. but not every. time just help to bland them. looking back at what happened, i may just be kicking a big fuss out of it afterall. maybe, just maybe, i still need more time.

lets see who understands MY world(:

Finally back in Singapore!(:
Saturday, December 05, 2009 4:25 PM

HAHAHHA. everything's forever so contradicting i tell u! when u're in hk, u keep thinking of getting back singapore. then when u're in singapore, u hope to be in hk. honestly speaking, when this time go hk, didn really felt very excited and stuffs. i just kept having some really bad feeling. like i have no idea why. and one of it is bcose of the damn luggage. HAHA. if u guys didnt know, my luggage was spoilt on the VERY FIRST DAY in hk. damn amazing right? HAHAHA. but i had that feeling alr before flying to hk.

no idea why but really felt weird on the first day. then since starting of trgs, felt a little better. couldnt really explain that weirdness. but everything doesnt really matter anymore. i feel as though i finally found my answer to me being in this sch and team and watever alr. i feel a sense of belonging alr. kinda miss hk alot now. not really hk as in literally. but being together with the netballers maybe. and the cold weather. HAHAHAH. i feel that the team is more a team now. after going through so much together kinda thing.

no pictures to upload and stuffs though. cause i didnt used my phone to take pictures. everything is with everybody else. HAHAHAH.

HAHAHAH. i bet everybody else are all slping like dono what now! AHHAHAH. i slept for around 16hours straight! AHAHAHAHHA. still feel like slping though. but decided to not be like a pig. HAHAHAH. but i did though of slping in 3days. but realised there's nations cup tmr! HAHAHA. netball again!

i finally found my reason to this whole mess.
perhaps even the reason to cry in future.