Decipher the Story of My Life

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“Take up one idea. Make that one idea your life - think of it, dream of it, live on that idea. Let the brain, muscles, nerves, every part of your body, be full of that idea, and just leave every other idea alone. This is the way to success, that is way great spiritual giants are produced.” Swami Vivekananda
“Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.” Steve Jobs
“The truth is incontrovertible, malice may attack it, ignorance may deride it, but in the end; there it is.” Winston Churchill

sick and tired......
Monday, November 09, 2009 6:09 PM

havent been blogging. cause i havent been coming online. HEH. lazy and no time. cause there's still conquer O-.- im damn sick and tired of studying alr. i havent really been doing my homework. hmm, perhaps only txtbook ones. HAHA. cause they're simple! not really using my brain u see. dont wanna work it too hard. HAHA.

im really starting? no, not starting. it had ALREADY BEGAN. to dislike staying at home. or perhaps even see them or talk to them. i cant seem to comunicate with them properly anymore. conversations doesnt last for more than 5 sentence or so? unless we are in a good mood. it kinda suck. i feel as though im like a problematic girl. but obviously im not the problematic one. its them. if u're staying in my house, u'll definitely get it by the meaning of bais. i kinda HATE it alot. realise i use the word hate. why she can still stay young and immature and childish and what not at that age? why couldnt i do it previously? why did i choose this path instead of something which i dont have to bother anything? why must they not consider our feelings and only theirs theirs and just theirs. why must they be so unreasonable and then blame everything on us? what is this man?! i do know life's unfair. but isnt this just too much. why dont they ever understand? must everything just be stated in black and white then someone understands them? im really tired of all this. having so many different lifes and stuffs. but i can feel that im starting to combine some together alr.

i actually decided to come home and sleep today and do my hmewrk at night. but somehow, some sort of weirdness overcome me and i decided to watch tv and slack around, instead of sleeping and hmewrking. kinda suck though. cause this tells me that im not gona hand up my hmewrk on time and im gona chiong things in class. HAHA. but yahh, doesnt matter. k, enough of hmewrks and schooling.

i want conquer O to end ASAP. cant stand studying anymore. it better pass fast bfore i rebel more. HAHAH. i need to take a break already. i kinda hope hk trip comes fast. but i dont want it to come fast nor end fast. cause when it comes, means holiday is ending real soon. and perhaps all sort of netball tests are coming up AGAIN. and it also gona mark the begining of sec4 life): i just want to keep playing.

okk, i shall end this post since they're coming back real soon. after today, ive realised what i wanna do and what are my goals for academic in the near future alr(:

wish me luck in surviving. HAHA

Tiredness.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009 6:03 PM

haven't really been blogging. so i shall talk about this week? no, lets start from the second trg.

its on last saturday. and we started with 2.4km test): its like a pop quiz kinda feeling u know. even pop quiz is not as scary as this. and pop quiz normally all like useless de. HAHAH. but this is taken into consideration! lucky for those who didnt come. but sad case if they have the stamina. cause they're gona do the same physical things as us. but still, we're considered quite lucky alr. cause we managed to skip beep test. however, we're still gona take it one day! just that dono which day only): i so hope to break my previous record. thats too lousy alr! then we had shuttle run test. not the normal one though. quite satisfied with my timing. but can be way better. then was some coordination stuffs. and finally end of trg!

at night went out with pri sch friends! we're always meeting up for dinner. HAHAHA. but nvm, its alright. we meet at j8 and then went to find jingxun cause that stupid girl had to help her mother. damn the last minute can! so we decided to go her hse find her. HAHA. how nice of us right?! cause we'll always be going out with the 5 of us!(: then went novena ate sakae. then walked to united square to eat mac ice cream. HAHAH. after that went home. cause its super late alr. HAHA. its like ard 10+. then me and megan cabbed home. obviously is megan pay. cause i dont have to rush back but she need. BUT THEN, we alighted right at her house k! so i did not zhan any pian yi. just took a shun feng che back only! but i believe we dont calculate these kinda things alr! if want to calculate we wont be good friends alr! time flies when we're together.

sunday went out with juniors to run. amazing huh?! but, HAHAHA, i so did not run at all. its only qianyan running. HAHAHA. me and val was totally slacking lahh! okk, bcause its raining so we just talked lohh. after that we did a little sprints only. HAHAH. valerie is can run de lohh! HAHAHA. after that we went swimming. k, more like they went swimming and i stayed there to read. HAHAH. cause i die die also dont want to go down. HAHAH. but can see that its damn shuang to go down after perspiring so much. but i ended up helped somebody reply her bf. HAHAHAH. then went woodlands to eat with us malu-ing abit. HAHA. but its alright. we have alicia to help us. HAHAHHA. now i understand why ppl like to use cards to pay for restaurant-like places' bills. HAHAHHA. after that went home and slack.

sunday was also my sis bday. and she received a super ber big container of chocolates! WOAH RIGHT? HAHAHA. and the container is lock&lock one somemore! HAHAHA. inside all is HAO LIAO man!!! HAHAHHA. envy her. HAHAH. BUT! i've also received such gifts bfore! one nice box of HAO LIAO. HAHAHHAH. but very fast finish one! HAHAHHA. very easy buy gifts for my family ppl de. HAHAHHA.

monday was slacking day. and tuesday was bowling + trg day. bowling was pretty much alright. got a very LIGHT trophy with just very little points-.- and ive gotten myself a cut at the thumb. HAHAHA. too long nv play plus no powder. too used to using powder alr. trg was alright? nono, not alright when u're doing it. but alright when u think of it. the things we do may seem easy. but when u urself starts to do it, u're gona feel SO tired! i think the sprinting thing really helped me! i'll try not to shuttle and drag anymore next time!

today was track&field meet. didn felt like going actually. cause was really tired. i woke up only at 7am. HAHAHA. so obviously i was late. and its on purpose. cause i know my event wouldnt start so early. HAHAH. while waiting for my event to start, i dono yawn how many thousand times man! lack of oxygen plus im damn sleepy! surprisingly, i didnt get any muscle aches from ytd trg. just leg will very fast cramp only. i think all the pain should be not that much alr. cause ive been aching since last week!

and tmr is trg also! gona be tiring man! i so so so so so so hope that beep test would not take place until hongkong trip over! HAHAHA. but i think its impossible ehh. maybe jsut bfore hongkong trip we take also can lahh. but pls just not tmr! we're all gona die like dat man! running and running and running!

okok, i dont wanna talk so much alr. i want to go watch my shows alr. HAHH. bye!

Monday, October 26, 2009 10:07 PM

sorry for the vulgarity.

but seriously,
FUCK YOU.

Goner.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009 2:49 PM

FYE's results sucks much heh? so far got back everything except english? and ive only gotten 2 As-.- thats pathetic. all the others all B3 and perhaps one B4? and maybe a C for english. HAHAH. its really pathetic man. all those subjects which i thought i would have just flunk it, i got pretty well for it. then those i thought i would have scored quite well was totally terrible. not to the extent that i failed, but im not even close to an A2!-.-

but good thing is, i did not fail anything. but maybe for self comfort and self denial, i did not really studied much. and even if i did, nothing really did enter my brain. i dont know why but its just like dat. ohh, and i bet i did not mention anything about blanking out right? HAHAH. if i did not rmb wrongly, the day when we had Amaths was the day we had physics paper? and Amaths was first paper. i dont know why after Amaths paper im like blank out. my vision suddenly grew darker, and i felt like fainting. perhaps i was over anxious/nervous or watever lahh. but i somehow managed to calm myself down after a while. but when physics paper start, all the nervousness and stuffs came back. HAHAHA. hmm, no idea what im trying to say either. HAHAH

guess i'll just have to stay positive. HAHAH. as long as i can promote to sec4! HAHAHAH.

and one thing for today is that, im ACHING LIKE CRAZY!!!! my right hand is like cant really write man. i dont even feel like moving! but typing doesnt hurt. HAHAHAH

so ytd was trg. good start? maybe. think the previous trying to get back a little of my stamina exercises worked out pretty well? didn felt tired for the 3rounds. HAHA. perhaps its because its only 3rounds. HAHAHHA. but the 2rounds timing one was pretty fast ehh. first one was only within 35sec! but my legs and lungs are dying on me alr. so i really couldnt continue sprinting. note i said sprinting. i couldnt really take a deep breathe after that 2rounds. by the end of the 2rounds, lots of lactic acid had alr built up within me. HAHAHA.

then was those normal stuffs. i guess holding on and not giving up easily do help in my stamina. but showing that im tired is not going to help me to gain trust. but at the very least i've tried to hold it there.

the last part of trg was the worst of the worst man! we had to do 9 sets of 9 sit ups, push ups, wall sits and static hold. the worst is wall sits. others was pretty alright. i dont know why but my legs just keep shivering. i cant really control them. even when i did it at home bfore trg starts, the shivering just wouldnt go off! but out of that 9 sets, i think we only did about 6 lehh. dont feel like 9 ehh. but doesnt matter. cause if the sets continued, i bet i would have given up. luckily, i started my own exercises at home. if not i doubt i could have tahan the static hold.

we ended trg earlier cause we had to do smth. the smth was from our coach. no idea how to explain it. something like reflection? and had to fill in the injury form. and i realised im the only one with lots of problems huh? yeahh, i guess i was always the one. even when in pri sch it was like dat. but doesnt matter, cause most of it alr gone. and im glad(:

THE THINGS THAT I'LL BE TYPING AT THE BOTTOM IS NOT TO BE UNDERSTAND BY ANYONE EXCEPT FOR PPL WHO KNEW THAT MATTER. AND IT WOULD ONLY BE AT MOST 3 PPL.

hmm, i've no idea if that was indirectly telling me some things anot. but perhaps i shouldn't have done that? i didn know that it would let her feel as that? cause i really do that quite often. as in, i just wanted to know why. maybe u can think it that im over confident or something. but thats not really the case. i do admit that im confidence, but not over confident. cause i do think that this and studying is rather the same. cause whenever im over confident, nth good comes out of it. as long as i know i revised, ive tried, and the confidence comes and i'll do well. but i just wanted to know why i was seen as badly done. u get it? in a sense of an exam script. u'll get it back in the end and understand what mistakes u made and tell urself not to make the same mistakes. okk, except those major exams u dont get to get it back lahh. i see it the same as this. but all along, for what i've done, i know that the line is ALWAYS there. no matter how close i may seem to be with someone, the line is ALWAYS there. i may have smsed u often or maybe even once, its ALWAYS there. cause i believe in the same thing as u told us. without that line, i believe nobody would listen to u and that it WILL be difficult to make a decision. u asked us that question, and i asked myself, what do i know abt you? perhaps i do know u on the outside, as in what u portray urself. cause normally, someone's outside appearance is easy to understand. but i do know we can never judge someone by its cover. so i asked myself, what about in depth? as in character. and then i was rather stuck. cause for me, the first impression u gave me was, i thought i saw someone the same as me. but from what i see when i saw u out of trg time, u are really somehow same as me. and the voice i heard the first time, it really reminds me about someone. but the voice sounds the same doesnt mean that the character is the same. then i asked myself again, do i really know u? the voice from within answered me, no. guess i still need some time. then when u said u know more things about us without us knowing. then i asked myself, who actually know me without me knowing? the voice again tell me, no one. cause not even myself really understood myself. then i asked myself, what would u know from us? one way is very obvious, from the tchers. and what the tchers know, i more or less know also. and all these happened very often. backgrounds, maybe they would have know more than what i know. but one thing is, so what if u guys knew our background and what's happening to us in sch? so what if u guys talk to us about it? will we really tell u the truth? will ur really have the time to ponder over what we said and understand them bit by bit?my answer will be, i doubt so. then i asked again, who actually really know my background? only ppl whom im willing to tell and perhaps only ppl who are able to guess my thoughts and read within words and perhaps ppl who read my blog from the time when i have this blog. HAHAHHA. definitely, for this, theres not much of a need to understand ppl's FAMILY background. but perhaps their history for that will be needed. and only if u knew the person u're normally with is actually someone i know. kk, guess ive typed enough. its not that im trying to say different things from u. but that im trying to tell that i did ponder over the words u said. and kinda, from what u said, i really hope to achieve the fact that i can have the courage to say hello to them again. i doubt this goal is needed to be written down in the paper right? i can only say that short period of time is really not enough for me. but thats my ultimate goal. cause when i achieve what i wrote in that paper, this goal will ultimately be achieved. it kinda keeps me going(: if only u really read what ive typed.

HAHA. its long isnt it? actually, what i typed, if ppl really tried to read it, it can be understood without u being included in the 3ppl. i need to prove myself. i know i can do it and i need to work hard for it. i want to prove u wrong and gain the trust. perhaps u can say i did not trust u, but from the day u bcame my coach, i alr did. i dont doubt ur ability to select players or watsoever. the reason i asked is clear cut to me, cause i want to improve. cause from what i feel, i did not improve a single bit from my pri sch self. perhaps i did bcause its a diff lvl now. but from what i feel, i did not improve at all. and that is why i dont dare to say hello to them. i know its ridiculous, but i do have my own priciples. i even doubt myself that i may have alr reached what ppl said as cant improve anymore. sometimes i do also think that my potential is gone. or maybe even, i do not have potential at all.

kk, i think im done. HAHAHHA. if only things goes what i want them to go. but this's just how life is.

.......
Saturday, October 17, 2009 4:48 PM

hmmm, nth to do, nth to post. nv did anything interesting these few days so really nth much to blog abt. practically these few days was just abt watching my shows and exercising. nth else.

if only that week there was some results. if not i wont be so _____. fill in ur own blank. HEH. no idea how to describe what im feeling. but still, i only know, no matter what, im not going to give up that easily. although previously, i did not get what i expected to achieve, i will still not give up. i decided not to fall terribly sick anymore. HAHA. decided to be healthy and sacrificing again. HAHAH. but somehow, though i didn get what i wanted to achieve, at least ive reap something. i realised that i can too overcome the limit i set for myself. just with determination and optimisism, nth can stop me(: i'll try my best and not let anyone down. no matter what she'll be telling us, i just hope everything will pass properly and happily? and just let it go. work harder and thats it.

so ytd was getting back results yeahh. hmm, i THINK i can say its not bad lahh. but obviously for my standard, its bad. but from what ive been doing and thinking and feeling these few days, im really glad i didn fail anything SO FAR. im not trying to show off or watever of course. i cant stop how u guys are thinking but thats what im thinking. im glad i passed my SS, but im still upset that i did not finish the reliability question. if ive done that, i would have been happier. Emaths paper 2 was also rather glad. i did not revise much, neither did i do any practices. at the very least i did not fail. just hope i would get better marks for paper1 so i wouldnt disappoint ppl! though nth would have disppoint me further. but since ive told her that, i hope i make my word.

i think chem's gona be good. really hope i wouldnt fail physics, cause im sure i wouldnt fail chem. so i could only hope chem would help in my overall! yes, and chinese. paper2 was still BADLY done. did not fail of course. but badly done. paper1 was good. zuowen was the best. HAHA. 40/50. but still not what i wanted. but what can i do? i did not write much. and again, paper1 saved me(: i hope i get my A for fye this time!

erm, i think there's nth else. only got back these few. heard that many ppl fail english. i hope im not one of them! but my first question alr wrong): and ms lee said that i might have an A for Amaths! HAHA. dont make me happy for no reason arhh! HEH. cause she said that marking my paper was more shun. so i just hope my marks will be as shun lahh. but seriously, dont get my hopes too high first. and another thing to worry for is geography): okk, i shall not stress myself up. anyway. it's useless also. HEH. wait till tuesday then say.

so ytd asked ppl to play netball. i finally get to play! HAHHA. the feel of shooting is gone! HAHAH. but doesnt matter, ever since p5 its alr gone HAHHA. plus, i also not shooter, so not important. but throwing abit weird. still cant defend lobs. i guess i have really lots to work on. but doesnt matter, i know i can do it. prove to myself and prove to others. im gona make her trust me. doesnt mean i dont have stamina or i cant tahan running alot means i cant play on court. i got to do it!(:

okk, i dont feel like typing alr. bye!

hmmm....
Wednesday, October 14, 2009 8:37 PM

guess im really kinda pathetic huh? guess if u saw this u definitely would know what im talking about. and u must be laughing too. HAHA. but i doubt u'll have the time to. AHHAHA. think u're really right man. many ppl told me about it bfore. k, or maybe asked me abt it. HAHA. and kinda everytime, i agree to it. HAHAHA. but on the whole, its not that i dont have any. its just that, hmm, i also dono. but yahh, i dont bother thinking abt it only until im really really free. like these few days. so by nxt tues, i guess everything will be back to normal.

but first thing first, now i have to bother abt what shes gona say. haizzzz.... but kinda, this whole thing, only one person know if i didnt rmb wrongly. HAHAHHAHA.

seriously, whatever that happened for these two months, i can really only hope for the best. i can just only be optimistic and dont care abt everything else. hmmm, but living in this kinda environment, can i really do that?

what im living, is anyone in the world living the same thing? i can only thing that ppl live it way worst than me. at the very least, im not that sickly till i cant do things on my own. thats something to be glad of alr. guess i just need some time again(:

kk, i dont want be smelly pig alr. HAHAHHAH. bye!

damn!
Tuesday, October 13, 2009 2:14 PM

tell u what. my hair is so SCREWED man! its alright when let down. but when tie, omg, like shit-.- kk, i shall not spoil the fun. i dont describe what i look like when tie. HAHAH. my mother ask me dont tie go sch lohh. but, impossible-.-

kk, i shall go do my things alr.