profile guestbook affiliations history credits

“Take up one idea. Make that one idea your life - think of it, dream of it, live on that idea. Let the brain, muscles, nerves, every part of your body, be full of that idea, and just leave every other idea alone. This is the way to success, that is way great spiritual giants are produced.” Swami Vivekananda
“Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.” Steve Jobs
“The truth is incontrovertible, malice may attack it, ignorance may deride it, but in the end; there it is.” Winston Churchill

AHHH!!!i feel so weird lahh..smtimes i reali felt tat i left too many things unsaid n undone..i reali dono wat to do anymore..i feel damn damn stressed up at times u noe..its reali terrible..stressed up till i reali cant tink of any ans to do hmwrk to do anything..i jus feel useless hopeless..useless n hopeless cose i reali m..its jus like i reali reali wanna play netball but i cant play it for long i noe it too clearly myself..i got the feelin im gona give it up REAL soon..but i reali donwan..y is it like dat?those hu don like sports but are forced to join de all nth wrong then i like de reali wanna join de then like dat..then today my bone is like reali smhw out of shape okk..u can reali feel the bone sideways..n i cant tell my parents to let me c doc or watever de..cose i noe wat the doc will even say..i reali feel so like givin up..but i donwan..smtimes all tis is reali damn confusin..then watever ur said last yr reali cant b counted de..cose its totally so diff..everything changed..even wat u r tinkin n doin changed..i feel as though we are strangers..as though we didn noe each other at all..everything feels so fake n confusin..i wanna say it out but i noe everything will start over again..so i rather it b me myself and i to get hurt then anybody gettin hurt further more..i noe even if i don say u will still get hurt..but i rather keep it to myself..since i don even noe hw to say alr..we alr bcame strangers..mayb tis yr gone its gone forever..everything i predicted gona b so true..which i don wann it to b..i promised..but i broke it too..i hate those ppl and hate myself even more..tat mkes me don have anything anybody to dislike at all..i don have the rights to anymore..i wanna continue the promises i made but i dono hw to anymore..i reali feel weird..if i ever promised u ppl hu are readin smth reali reali REALI important,im reali sry i broke it..cose i reali dono hw to continue any further..im more broken then u do to even fix it up..cose even myself won feel it at all alr..it jus feel dead..smtimes i even cry wen i don feel anything anymore..its jus like the tears drip for dono wat specific reasons at all..my body's alive but my heart is so dead..i dono wats got into me but im jus like dat..mayb im exaggeratin but i reali do feel tat bad smtimes..i feel so tired everyday..physically and mentally..the feelin of everything is cmin back..i reali jus wanna have those happy memories back again sm day..jus one day im alr satisfied..but i noe its impossible..so y bother to tink abt it?wats over is over..i cant turn back time..so i reali donwanna bother le..leave it alone mayb..time heals wounds and breed new ones..the tape is not strong enuff..im not strong enuff..im reali reali not as strong as wat u tink i m..i wish i was but im not..now in sec sch my hand is called the made of steel hand..incredible ehh..ahah..but mayb smhw im used to hard ball le bahh..n its so shuang tat can throw hard ball to the coach..haha..cose not many ppl can catch my ball..they says its scary..haha..jkin lahh..alot ppl dare catch lahh..but i nv dare tryin to throw the hardest n most angry ball to anybody..cose im reali scared i will hurt them..i onli do tat to the wall..haha..n mayb myself?n everywhere i go huever i noe all will say i no feelin de..everybody says tat..i realised im so good at hidin things yeahh..haha..im proud of it..haha..jkin..but if anybody ever understand me i won b able to hide frm them..which is like nobody?not even my family lahh..they don even noe wat i do hw wuld they noe wat i feel?they say i always got alot money left..noe y?cose i don eat..im too lazy too..i rather use the money to spent on smth else..haha..they always say im so diff frm my sis..cose she spent her money like nobody business..haha..so now my sis got to work to get money herself..haha..and like smtimes my ma even like scared i not enuff money until give me until 6dollars per day..haha..which is like so much..so i keep 4dollars use 2dollars..haha..then the hse is emptier..but like as if i care..cose theres not much of a difference..nth else to say le lahh..sec sch life is always the same..onli tat got sm stupid things happen nia..then everything will repeat n repeat again de lohh..mayb smhw satisfied wif all the things le bahh..nth nice to choose or watever le..don feel like bother liao..its confusin..i dono wat to choose lahh..jus get on wif my borin life mayb..

haiz..long time no post le bahh..so now post bahh..abt tis few days de er yi..cose memory not tat good..and some parts of each day?
tis week arhh..shld b monday or smth lahh..once i step into class jiu bei yi gi wang ba dan ma fuck..damn pissed off lahh..lan jiao lahh him..he fuck me i fuck him back lohh..haha..no big deal to me sayin tat de..
17.01.06
today the first day for camp lahh..but today de don need to stay de lahh..so after flag raisin go back class lohh..then got tat borin etiquette thingy AGAIN..p5 tat time have no have again..so borin lahh..then after tat erm..cant rmb le lahh..
18.01.06
sad sehh..today ms dc bday but cant go back sch lahh..but nvm lahh..still okok bahh..then after flag raisin we go the tree top walk thingy AGAIN..everything again de..but arhh..tis time wif diff ppl..wif diff feelin..so now i noe wats the feelin like to go through the same thing wif diff ppl..got ppl wif me de lahh..but i still feel alone..except for tat etiquette thingy..cose tat guy partner is so freakin irritatin can..he can nv stop tokin..so i jus continue wat he tokin lahh..but the tree top walk thing i go wif girl..haha..beta..smhw is jus noe her de bahh..but can say is noe quite long also..cose is mus group in even n odd numbers mahh..then alot things all even odd de..so i always partner her de lohh..then she got her gang mahh..then two odd de three even de mahh..so she no partner so can say im like the dai ti de lahh..haha..but heck lahh..at least i got partner can le lahh..then these few days she no partner also cme find me..haha..i cant believe tat the guy in front of me scared of the high bridge[the tree top walk thingy lahh]then i still can rmb there will say don shake the bridge de mahh then i go purposely go shake it..haha..then the guy was like'stop shakin the bridge lahh!'haha..then i was laughin away..haha..smore tis time got monkey on the bridge de..so scary..aha..but i stil heck n jus walk..haha..then after tat go back sch have lunch lohh..then i smhw fall down mahh..haha..cose i ran down the stairs 'competiting' wif tat stupid guy partner to the water cooler..cose he tokin to me mahh then i heck him..so he tryin to chasin after me..so i jus run down the stairs lohh..then gang hao there is the pool of water mahh..then shoe no more friction mahh..so wen run past the pool of water tat time i slip mahh..then slide all the way to the water cooler there..hahahah..then the guy also gang hao reach the water cooler there..then i like kneel to him like dat..so stupid can..but heck lahh..jus stand up lohh..then wen go back class tat time then i felt the pain..haha..then saw tat my skin peeled then got alot past cme out..so i wen to the toilet go wash lohh..then pain like hell man..so wen walkin tat time i was practically draggin my leg..haha..like bai ka like dat..haha..then go wat learn to pitch tent..but not even for us to slp de lahh..its for the boys..then the girls all stand under the sun for no reason can..so ask the OGL if can go toilet..then he cme tell me tat got ppl frm my class go le so mus wait..so i wait lohh..then finally can go le..then gang hao peng dao chloe..so she ask me wat i doin now so i told her lohh..then she ask me'ni zhen de yao qu toilet de mehh?'then i say of course not lahh..jus now i alr go liao still go again not bladder problem..so i go wash my leg again lohh..then pain lahh.so walk until dono like wat again..then i lazy go back the field there..so sit at the canteen there de chair tok to chloe..haha..then rainin mahh then need queue up so i jump n run back to my class..haha..then after tat got the preparation thingy for campfire nitex performance lahh..but arhh..i didn noe my class so naughty de..haha..we all nv even listen to the OGL de..haha..then drag until very long lohh..the class gona dance lahh..but arhh..i 'heng' lahh..i fall down smhw jus bfore the preparation..haha..so i told the OGL tat i cant dance..haha..so don need le lohh..then we go bath le lohh..then queue so long lahh..smore arhh the water so little bit nia..bath until i pek cek lahh..so jus anyhw bath liao lahh..then after tat go have dinner le then go parade square to have campfire nitex..then the part wen lightin the fire tat time is damn nice..haha..to me lahh..then after tat got the performace thingy n askin us to cheer n sing..the songs all childish childish de..but still ok lahh..i do abit tok abit..haha..then after tat rainin so go hall to continue..then after tat go get ready go slp le..then i so good share my slpin bag wif my classmates lehh..haha..then very hard to get to slp lahh..the floor so damn hard then ppl mke so much noise then so bright..i don even noe hw to slp lahh..
19.01.06
then finally fall aslp at 12++..then dono wat happenin woke up at 2++ again..then take a long time to get to slp then 5.20++wake up le..haven even 5.30 lahh..n we suppose to wake up at 6 not 5++ lehh..so tired can..so pack up le lahh..then go brush teeth go change..then go back to class..then go for breakfast..so retarded lahh..early mornin give us eat rice..i vomit at them jiu you lahh..smore plus milk..i c the colour alr wanna vomit le..i drink le later vomit to the person sittin infront of me arhh..so i donwan eat lahh..then go borrow money frm my fren go buy milo to drink..so jus had milo for breakfast lohh..then go flag raisin..then go for the stupid bishan park game fest..so stupid lahh..jus start the day liao then suay like hell..the OGL anyhw lead us..then mke us walk the field..then the field so damn muddy lahh..then had 'quick mud'..haha..cose our shoe stuck to the mud then the mud all sip into the shoe lahh..so disgustin can..freak lahh..then i quickly get out to the track there..then keep cursin the principal..haha..so idiot lahh..then play the 'three legged' race..which so many ppl play lohh..then tie until so tight then move tat time pull until quite far..so pain like hell lahh..now got bruise le lohh..so pain..smre got a little bit blood cme out..haiyo..then i realised tat my class the guys de socks very high de..the girls all wear like ankle socks lohh..but the guys arhh wear until very high..haha..no offence lahh..then after cuttin off the string le still can like feel the feelin of the string there de..haha..then go do other activities le lahh..not as chum as the stupid mud de..then after tat go back to sch le lahh..then go pack bag then have some prize givin lohh..then after tat i go hme le then bath then eat then go out again..go back to mcs..so tirin lahh but i still go..cose i said i will le so mus go lahh..i in the bus keep on wantin to slp lohh..smore leg pain like hell..then go mcs le also like not much thing to do de lahh..then some ppl changed alot some nv change at all lahh..i donwan to mention any names lahh..but reali i feel tat everything changed..at least a little tinny winny bit..then saw tat tracy lo or watever the name is spelt or watever lahh..i mix up her name wif somebody else lahh..tat person can nv change can..still callin me lochelle..so irritatin can..then she kana bully by jennifer also mus co my name..like i can save her like dat..haha..but actually quite true..i can help her..haha..so i wait until they run until like wanna die alr then ask jennifer return back the rubber band..haha..then after a while more go back le lohh..so sian rite..haha..then my ma ask me buy newspaper mahh so i shun bain go buy chocolate eat also..so shuang lahh..but not much enough..so not tat shuang..then go hme le lahh..read book then slp then watch tv then read book again then here typin le lahh..then its time to slp again..hahaha

everything i startin to change..everybody is startin to change either..i wanna start anew;afresh..but i cant..it involved reali many ppl..im jus livin 2 life now..which i dono if i shld even do tat..its like im tinkin in one way n doin the other way..or either i cant decide on anything..i don even noe wat i wan lahh..jus feel so weird..i don even noe wat im feelin..jus so weird..im not sayin tat anybody is botherin me lahh..but jus weird..some things reali changed alot till its out of reach..i dono wat to do..i reali wanna play netball everyday again..its the onli thing i do tat can mke me forget everything..i tried to wake myself up..but it didn worked..i went under the rain once n again..but it didn work..nth work lahh..onli netball..but its so diff now..i don have the confidence anymore..i don feel good anymore..i feel as though im dyin..its jus so different..i dono hw to put anything in words now..im jus simply afraid i will lose the ability of playin netball..
i noe i shldn interfere in ur de prob..but its jus like..smhw im related again?i dono..i noe its driftin further..cose i wanted ur to forget me..but end up i jus feel weird..ur won understand hw i feel n i don understand wat ur tinkin..i dono hu to believe n wat to say..everything even made me felt scared to even stay in tis world..
have some faith n confidence in urself.

haiz..long long time no blog le..too lazy n tired n so no time..haha..life have changed mayb..everything changed i guess..startin of tis year is kinda bad..cose the first time i even step into the sch i alr felt so damn lost..then didn reali made any frens for the first week?mayb..but the next week;tat is tis week i made some frens i guess..jus smhw joined into their conversation?then cose of group work know some idiotic guys..so damn bloody freakin irritatin lohh..actually i shld emphasis tat my WHOLE class the guys are all so childish n retarded?haha..guess i onli can rmb wat happened tis week?smhw my memory improved!haha..
8.01.07
wen i came to sch i wen straight to class..n was smhw uncomfortable..cose then WHOLE class was so damn GUAI n QUIET..i felt so damn weird n gave tat weird espression..haha..pratically everybody was readin the sing to the dawn book which the damn english tcher told us to..tats why the whole class was so quiet..then the sec3 de students walk pass was like...erm..i tink i heard them sayin''ni kan zhe xie sec1s,zhe me an jing de..''then i was like..ya lohh..then so weird lahh..cose normally in pri sch class if the whole class suddenly so quiet i will shout 'why suddenly everybody so quiet?'then now cant reali like shout..not i bet the whole class will like stare at me?haha..then after tat i guess the bell rang n we went to the parade square for falg raisin?then got the stupid stupid music cme again..then need check attire..then got lecture izzit?guess so lahh..like everyday to me all have de lahh..so damn damn naggy can..even the form tchers..then go back class for interaction time..which we will have frm mon to thurs..then again listen to the tcher naggin n naggin..mke until i totally feel like slpin..some im down wif flu..even worst..then after tat is english..two tcher came in..so means the class have to split up to study..n im the suay plus fortunate ones..even numbers have to go dream studio for lesson..which means i have to brin book here n there..but fortunate cose there air con..haha..after tat we have to introduce ourself..then hear tcher nag again..then the tcher told us wat we will b doin for tis semester..which is some kinda readin scrapbook..which need to contain more than 5 newspaper article,news in class..which i forgotten wth tat means..haha..then short stories[mus read at least 10]then write 2 book review..then read at least 10 story book for 2 book reviews also..so ma fan lohh..n tis is all part of exams..if i did not rmb wrongly..then after eng is PW..so fast alr had project work..then suay suay again..group together wif 2 damn damn guys..one so damn prevertic the other one so chao..which is still okok..then tat prevertic one keep on sayin stupid stuff..then he keep touchin the chao one..then the girls in my group so damn bu shuang..cose he keep tokin cork..so one of the girls said back..''ni yi zhi dong ta ni men yi ding she gay lahh..''then the girls all started laughin..haha..then i said to tat prevertic one..''you speechless alr rite?''haha..then he nv ans me..he jus walk away..haha..then we continue discussin for the project work..then got maths..which is lecturing again..the first lesson of every subject we will get lectured n we have to introduce ourself..then keep tokin abt watever ground rules..which is so damn borin..i read through it alr n forgotton liao..so i jus heck abt it lahh..then is recess..then we got MT..need go another class again..suay me..then is lit..introduce again..then the whole class heard introduce also got scared liao..then all go''huh?!introduce again arh?''then the tcher will ask''ur introduce bfore alr arh?''then we say''ya lohh''then the tcher will ans''but too bad..i still dono ur..so ur have to introduce again..''then everybody will go''HUH?!''then after lit is sci lohh..then introduce AGAIN..then sayin her rules AGAIN..then need buy file AGAIN..everything all AGAIN..then is geo..then everything repeat AGAIN..same old thing..after tat fang xue le..haha..then go hme le lohh..nth to do de..then at nitex so damn early need slp le..cose im so damn tired..
9.01.07
early mornin need wake up le..then go sch same old thing lahh..then got VE..hear tcher nag again..everything to me is naggin mayb..then got MT..i onli feel good wen its MT..cose mayb not wif loads of guys liao..n the tcher is beta n not tat naggy?then its english..n we had to do some pre-test for compo?its on failure..which i anyhw write..ahahah..scarely fail..hahah..then got IT..then maths then sci..then after sch..then guess wat..go hme again..haha..last time everytime after sch is stay back de..now is everytime after sch go hme..n smhw my main purpose of goin sch is actually playin netball..but now..chum man..need wait till nxt year then will have competition for my batch de sec1s..then feel so weird wen i don get to play the ball a week..haha..cant reali change the habit of playin wif netball everyday..after tat go hme slp again lahh..
10.01.07
today go sch then got sci lohh..then we suppose to do some role plays..which i forgotten to prepare..haha..but im so heng..i didn get called..haha..bt tat guy bside me kana called..then alot ppl nv prepare lahh..or shld i say whole class except for one pair?haha..then those ppl hu kana called nv do need to stay back..haha..hw evil of me..haha..thent he tcher say shes so dissapointed in us..haha..then she say she will called one last pair or somebody volunteer..or else the whole class will have to stay backk..n heng a pair of girls saved us..haha..then got history..the borin tcher tat is our form tcher came in liao..so to me history is borin,plus a borin tcher equals to boredom..then we had english..then maths..then LS assembly..which is damn damn borin lahh..the damn sot principal told us to copy wats on the screen into our handbook..which is like the whole slide!n the WHOLE presentation!which last for 1h30min..cant he jus print it out for us?!isn it easier?!then copy halfway i sian liao lahh..so..the onli word..HECK!i donwan write alr..n its such a long naggy lecture type of presentation..after tat finally stayed back?haha..cose have to do finish the group work..then do wif the guy n the girls lohh..the prevertic one nv cme..n its good..haha..then mus go colour the pic..then the chao guy also quite prevertic..i donwanna say out..haha..then megan called me..then the guy say..ur bf rite..then i was like..wth..then i told him its a girl lahh..n my pri sch is a girl sch..the guy frm where pop out lehh?then he say..orhh..so u lesbian lahh..then i say..not all girl sch de girls is lesbian ok..then frm then on he keep callin me lesbian..then i will call him gay..n he is reali damn damn gay okk..he toks like gay then move like gay also..so eeyer lahh..haha..n he so damn no sense de can..he say i lesbian still say i like the other guy..then i say..i not so no taste to like him lahh..n wanted to say''i rather b lesbian then to like him arh''haha..cose its so damn true..he is so damn freakin irritatin can..n the gay guy is the first one kana hit by me in tis sch..hahah..smore kana chased by me..haha..run so slow somemore..ppl readin don tink wrongly..i DON like him..n WON like him either..the guys in my class is not very shuai..hahah..no offence to them..n smhw i tink theres two guy in my class like the same girl..haha..somemore one of the guy is the one sittin bside me..haha..the girl is the prettiest one in our class..haha..suan ta men hai you dian taste..haha..then after project work wen back mcs..then megan n jing xun ask me go back le then tat megan go hme..so idiot lahh..then saw some tchers..then after a while go hme le lahh..nth to do at all lohh..waste money n waste time can..stupid de..
11.01.07
today simple lahh..nth much happen..so i had maths,MT,english,recess,hme econs then pe le lohh..then pe tat time tcher say can choose watever we wanan do mahh..actually wanted netball de..but arhh very ma fan..cose the post have to carry in n out de..n i bet they no strength to carry de..so decided to play badminton lohh..easiest lahh..then chum lahh..the ones i grouped wif not so sporty..so they didn reali noe hw to play lohh..so its like..no continueing de..i hit there then drop then they hit back then i hit there then drop..then keep repeatin lahh..then rainin..so idiotic..so wen back to class then dismiss le..then stay back for netball trainin le lohh..FINALLY..but didn reali played netball lahh..then get to noe some others..then after tat go hme le lohh..nth to do de..then rainin mahh..so walk under the rain lohh..very shuang but arh the book will wet..so i somehw block the books frm gettin wet lohh..then end upp my whole body wet lohh..so go into the bus tat time stand under the air con to dry myself..but i noe lahh will get sick..but heck lahh..then by the time i reach interchange dry le lohh..haha..then go hme le lahh..
12.01.07
today onli got three period of lessons lahh..but last longer lahh..first is science..then we get to go to the lab lohh..then do the practical book..need so much drawings de..smore need draw the science lab map..then after tat we got geo..then cose the chairperson of the class will lock the class door mahh..then we smhw late for class?so the tcher kana lock outside..haha..then the chairperson quickly get the key out..too hurry until drop the key on the floor..then its so........then had geo le then recess lohh..then after tat is IAP..so stupid lahh..first hour or so we have to do music..then the other we do dance..hate both lahh..then nxt year is drama n art?if im not wrong..so the music part we got to sing the sch song..so......then the dance thingy lucky today don have to dance yet..haha..then the tcher called mr g...haha..then he move like gay n tok like gay also..so everybody started laughin..cose g mahh so stands for mr gay lohh..haha..then he told us many ren sheng da dao li lahh..then we had a 'contract'..haha..the he had a motto for us..if u tink it deeply..it does mke sense..
careful ur thoughts,they bcme words.
careful ur words,they bcme action.
careful ur action,they bcme habit.
careful ur habit,they bcme character.
careful ur character,they bcme ur destiny.
after tat we had lots of free time..so he said tat he tinks he left out somthing to tell us..then we keep askin him to do tis do tat lahh..then after tat go le lohh..then go hme le..rainin again..so again i walk under the rain..n tis time the heavy type of rain..so whole body wet again lahh..then my hair drippin water..haha..then stand under the air con to dry myself again lohh..then wen to 7-11 buy chocolate eat..ahaha.then walk back hme..haha..cose i didn eat lunch..so jus buy chocolate..even beta..jus feel so not myself tis few days lahh..so weird..wanna smhw start afresh but cant reali do tat..cose it involved many ppl..n i donwanna hurt them anymore..but if i don..i will still b bluffin myself..hidin my own feelins..even frm myself..till i don even noe wat im doin and wat i wan..like today..got to decide wat i wanan eat n if i shld go back mcs..so i decided not to eat n not to go back mcs..i decided to go hme read book..haha..hw guai of me rite?haha..smtimes i don even noe wen i will hurt smone..jus by wat i say n wat i do..n i don even noe wen i will hurt myself..cose i don feel a thing..i dono wat i wanna do..the feelin is jus so odd to even describe it..cose i don even noe hw to put it in words..nvm..i will stop here le lahh..too much of my crap..