profile guestbook affiliations history credits

“Take up one idea. Make that one idea your life - think of it, dream of it, live on that idea. Let the brain, muscles, nerves, every part of your body, be full of that idea, and just leave every other idea alone. This is the way to success, that is way great spiritual giants are produced.” Swami Vivekananda
“Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.” Steve Jobs
“The truth is incontrovertible, malice may attack it, ignorance may deride it, but in the end; there it is.” Winston Churchill

HAHAHA. i almost did something really stupid a few minutes ago. AHHAHA. okk, its nth big lahh. just me kpo-ing again. AHHAHA.

okk, today's rather boring lahh. tcher's day celebration nth much. kinda waste my time too-.- though some parts may be really funny. so after tat rushed back to mcs. WOAH, damn lots of ppl. but sadness, all is like recent batch ppl! AHHA. but obviously got ask my batch ppl along lahh. if not i will not return. AHHA. saw many tchers. some still rmb me some dont): HAHAHA. i tell u smth. if u want ur tchers to have a deep impression of u, be as notorious as possible. AHAHAHAH. cose being so guai like me is not much of a use. AHHAHA. there's tons of ppl like me out there. AHHAHA. so if u're naughty, there's a much higher possibility tat ur tcher rmbers u! AHHAHA. arent i so right?! HAH

this time going back to mcs is not tat fun. cose the others and tchers all had to leave early. tchers have to go back to get ready for their tcher's day dinner. HAHA. then the others had something on): sadness right? so i decided to be guai again and go back home. AHHAHA. i wanted to sleep. but end up did not, cose i wanted to go my hmewrk. AHHAHA. but failed. i ended up watching tv. sucker right?

ard 9+ then i rmb i had to finish my 'essay' and hand up tmr): so i came online to do it. then now wat? i cant print it bcose laptop obviously got no printer. so need to send to com. but sadly, i dont know how to send-.- and wat? i have to wait for my sis to come back after her date-.- and they go where? they go yishun gv watch orphan. freak them man! still can show me the ticket bfore going. cose wat? i want to watch but decided to be guai and not sneak in-.- stupid shit right my sis? HAHAHA

okok, enough said. i go play fb game. AHHAHA.

im like suppose to be watching tv or doing my work or slping now. but somehow, cause of curiosity, i came online. HAHAHHA. okk, i bet NO ONE knows what im curious over. so i shall keep it a secret. HAHA. curiousity really kills. HAHAH. i think that im so good at guessing stuffs. AHHAHA. okk, no point typing so much if no one understands right? AHAHAH. i feel as though im zi-highing.

okk, today was alright? Emaths test was shit. HAHA. though i did not fail. but its just shit man. i could have gotten full marks! k, im not boasting or watever crap ok. its just careless! i hope my Amaths gona be good! Emaths overall only a2! not good. its like i noe how to do the questions, but somehow somewhat, my answer is just not correct. HAHAHA.

okk, enough of studies. nothing fun or interesting anyway. so after sch stayed back because i didnt wanna be a pig and go home sleep. HAHAH. okk, though im really deprive of sleep. HAH, like when am i ever not deprived of sleep?! that's just me(: and my sleeping mode had just got worst after the holidays. i mean june holidays. i cant seem to keep myself wake awake for a long time. i mean like, i have like 8hours of slp but yet i still feel tired the nxt day. previously i just needed 5hours of sleep. or maybe even 4! i must really be getting older):

so stayed back. main purpose was to watch volleyball interhouse. anyway got nth to do so stay back. then bfore that played badminton with carol. HAHA. expensive badminton rackets are just so different from those cheapos found in school man! the sound is like so cool! AHHAHA. after that played a while of volleyball with jackie cause the rest was gone for some things. then stayed and watched. rather nice and rather not nice.

so after it ended. okk, actually, im not very sure if it has ended. but supposingly lahh. so went off at 6+? saw some scenes. its a very familiar scene in mcs. HAHA. so somehow somewhat, i can alr guess what's going on. and i got left in that tense atmosphere just to wait for carol and yanting. AHHA. felt awkard, but doesnt matter. if they were my friends, i'll definitely go up to help. HAHA.

okk, enough of rubbish. gona sleep soon. HAHA. tmr got trg. wonder what we'll be doing man. i seriously hope theres not much running! weird feelings have been going on in my ankles. AHHAHA. sounds weird and wrong. left ankle feels a little off. like anytime gona sprain like dat. but my weaker ankle is still my right. cose its the first time i sprain my ankle. so i have to wear my ankle guard there. i hope nothing goes wrong tmr! dont wanna get reprimanded nor any hints.

mentally tired much? i just want to keep myself as busy as possible.

im bored again. damn. yes, i noe i suppose to be studying so why will i be bored? because im bored of studying! i hope i wont fail though.

i realised that im no longer that busy. not as busy as before anymore. in pri sch, im always busy with netball or friends stuffs. but now, not anymore. no friends for me to take care of, no netball for me to busy with. okk, netball mayb still sometimes. but not as often as pri sch anymore. i rmb always running from netball court all the way up to the fifth lvl after recess to learn my spelling. HAHA. last minute, i noe. if my pri sch frens were in my class, i mean those closer to me ones, they'll definitely say i've changed. in a sense, only for studies. i realised that im more hard working now lohh. im serious. u dont see me studying or reading last time de. u'll only see me sms or running about. HAH. guess because im more confined to myself already. i no longer wanna run about nor do i have anyone to sms anymore. as for friends, i no longer have anyone to get worried over. i no longer have to run about the sch to comfort someone, nor do i have to bleed, nor do i have to report to tcher abt anything. last time, i kinda hate it. cose its so troublesome and stuffs. and i have to rack my rusty brain just to think of words to say. but somehow, i miss that busy life of mine. HAHA. but i miss the most is still playing netball everyday.

see, whenever im bored i always type so much stuffs.

i seriously think its filled up again. both the brain and the heart. i dont think i can store any things any longer. it seems to be overflowing. im starting to see images and hear noises. okk, not in the sense of the seventh month ok-.- ive always been like dat. i dono why either. i hate the most is the noises in my head. perhaps its because of what happened earlier in the day? images are rather clear, i hope its not deja vu. deja vu always make my life messy. cose i dono which is real and which is fake! okk, perhaps both are real. HAH.

kk, enough of my crap. i dont wanna type so much or think so much. i still have to save my brain cells for tmr Amaths test. AHHA. i haven finish studying anyway. i shall go play some games to relax first! HEH

this is really irritating. i will never have peace at home. and i want to use the word dislike nor hate to describe my home. but somehow, its really hard to refrain myself from using those words. and i have to say, i have limited vocab.

this week had been rather nice. cause out of the 4 days, theres 3days of netball. sec1 interhouse was like disastrous? AHHA. ok lahh, at least not as bad as pri3 de. but umpiring is bad enough. sec3 interhouse was not bad. but somehow i kinda have to apologise to those who wanted to win in commitment house de. i didn play up to the minimum standard for interhouse. cose i didn want to have any thrashing game. i noe if i want to, i could have easily done so. but i just didn want to. i just want ppl to enjoy themselves for the last time. at least let them have the feeling of scoring and whatever they've never did before. as for the finals, yeahh, i noe many ppl wanted us to win. but somehow, seriously, my fighting spirit is gone. i dono why. perhaps its the last year. i want to let everyone to have fun, try their best and wat not, let me trust them. but seems like my trust had sent disappointment to most ppl. half of me regretted, but the other half was happy, bcose im no longer that bad person. i no longer play for the sake of winning or fighting or gaining. i play for the sake of fun and happiness. tat day, i finally feel as though im back to my pri sch self a little. cose im playing for the sake of fun already. i hope its coming back.

tat day was rather occupied too. cose i had to accompany some kena agitated de ppl. HAHA. and there was SS test on tat day too. but i think its really horrible. all my grades are like dropping bcose of netball. bcose i didn have the energy, the focus and whatever that's making me feel weird. its making me deprove. but, nvm, i'll just work doubly hard for FYE(hopefully). i was really really tired when i reached home.

sec2 interhouse was ok i guess? umpired the first few games and scorer for the rest. at least this time got jane and janette to crap with. if not i'll really bored to death there man. sec1 interhouse was BORING TO THE ULTIMATE. sounds weird, k, nvm. commitment won as expected. same things happen over and over again. interhouse seems like its always a time to quarrel heh?

friday was boring. i actually didn wanna come to sch de. but since i've been pon-ing sch, i shall be nice and drag myself out of bed. because of the lack of slp, i tink ive been mood-swinging ppl. HAHA. i seriously going to cant tahan some ppl alr. its kinda getting on my nerves. some guys in our class just dont noe when to stop. i dont want history to repeat itself so better dont make me angry. i seriously dont want ur to lost ur face in front of everybody. if i dare to type, i'll dare to do it. believe it or not.

drama was pretty alright i guess. perhaps its bcose im always not there, so kinda lost when im watching them acting. went home straight. only when my mother and i are at home alone then will there be peace. cose theres nobody to make her shout like some crazy idiot. cose i dont even wanna bother talking to her. came home ate a little then slept from 4+ to 7+. i could have carried on slping if the weather was not warm like mad. i was like perspiring until dono like what. and i missed my 7pm show): but anyway, i haven been watching too. no time.

then today, noisy irritating shouting dying jumping crying screaming and whatever kinda noise poullution words lahh. its really irritating. bcose of my stupid sis, i have to lock myself up in the room. its really noisy. and the words she said are really extreme. worst than how i teach ppl ok! tats why i never ever liked family members teaching me. i rmb telling myself to get rid of her teaching me. so i definitely have to study hard. and ive did it! but my sis is really stupid, no matter how much we call her stupid, she doesnt wake up. i suspect she really like ppl calling her stupid. HAHAH. but somehow, i really kinda worry for her. i dont want her to be like me. i dont want her to have negative flashbacks. shes always saying those nasty stuffs in front of her. what if she really understand? or what if she rmb them when she grow older? what if she feel hurt after knowing? i really dono. and at the rate shes screaming, what she always say might come true. i dono what will happen to this family if tat really happen. until now, i cant decipher why we have to live our life to the fullest even though the end is still death. everything and many things have been going on. but no matter how hard i try, nothing seems to really work out. perhaps im not trying hard enough. sometimes, i really envy some ppl. though they may not have as much freedom or watever things as me, they always have a bunch of friends or whoever to care abt them and to let them confide in or could even help them solve their probs. but for me, though i may have, but i just dono who or how to say. and no matter how much i say, they wouldnt get it, nor do i want to add on to their burden. nor do i want them to pity me or whatever. though sometimes my situation could let them feel better. cose at least they noe they're not in a bad state like me. like how i encourage myself to go on, i tell myself that im not the most unfortunate person in the world. at least i still have something to keep me going. and i will not lose it no matter what. i dono, but i can feel myself running away again.

sometimes, its really so hard to keep on going in this world. i really admire those who have the courage to keep on going despite all those mountains they have to climb. i no longer want to be such a busybody and help whoever's in trouble anymore. anyway, my advice may not be what they wanna hear. besides, we're all in different situation. what i can sacrifice may not be what they can sacrifice. what i can understand and remember may not be what is within their knowlegde to understand or even remember. if you want people to understand, first you have to have the full understanding of it.

sometimes, i really find myself really really pathetic. things tat are suppose to be done its not done. things which are not important, i'll do it. k, tats not the main point anyway. guess this post is gona be really long and erm, no link? yeahh, anyway its not important. its just gona be a random post.

seems like only you could really have an impact in my life. yupp, i did get over it alr. in a sense, i noe you're no longer important to me. cose i noe its impossible. you have ur life and i have mine too. u may have felt bad. but i felt way worst than u. though now i noe u live ur life way better than mine alr. and im glad to noe tat too. i realised tat frens really make huge impacts in my life. some words or actions from certain ppl could leave deep impressions. you said i couldnt say a word out, and indeed i really did not. no one noes wat happened between us. perhaps even the both of us do not noe. but im somehow glad that at least i noe how to let go. at least now i noe when we see each other we wont feel weird like how i will feel weird for others who do not want to let go. though its really hard. but we've or maybe i've alr gone through it. only my true frens could have such big control over me. rmbering how my parents wanted me to quit something, over tat 1 year or so they had no control over me. but just one fren is enough to make me quit. see how little my parents have control over me?

even at my worst time, they noe nothing, and did nothing. yepp, i noe she gone through much too. tats why they dont force me. neither will i force them. but im really glad i had my frens with me. no matter how late or how busy they are. they're there to keep me company. nor will they try to ask me wat happened. cose they noe i wont say. all they noe is that something had happened and they'll be there.

i dono why am i typing all these. perhaps its bcose i keep facing the com for a long time. im always like dat. furthermore, im keeping myself in my room. not letting anyone in. so of course i'll be like dat. anyway i dont feel like going out either.

going out with my pri sch frens on fri is enough for me. im happy enough. fireworks arent something i wanna watch. so sorry though. doubt ur'll be reading anyway.

i start to feel tat stranger feeling in us. but no matter how strange it may be, there's forever this special bond between us. cose we've been through so much together, so much laughter have been shared. i realised that everytime with them i can laugh and put behind everything more then going out with other frens. with them, no matter what sort of embarrassing things they do or i do, i dont really seem to care so much. but with others, i tend to stay out of the 'fun'. no idea why too. besides netball, i tink they're the ones which can let me forget other things. but seems like we're all somehow in the same fate one way or another. we dont have any close true frens? we dont have any clique? HAH. perhaps its all our thinking or something. but still, i noe we think the same in one way or another. HAHA. some things between us will never change. like how much pauline likes to bully ppl, esp megan. AHHA. and how crazy jingxun and jiamin and megan always get. and for me, i bet u guys will noe. i can alr imagine how ur will say i am. but deep down, we all noe how each other think. perhaps yes, we all change in one way or another too. but i noe this friendship will always be there right? come to think of it, i suppose we noe each other ard 9 years alr right? though our more real friendship starts at p5? HAHA. but i tink we noe each other since p1, esp jingxun. i really dono why im saying all these lahh. but, im really really glad that i have u guys around me.

i wonder if i will have such frens in sec sch. i sound as though im still sec1 or something man. but, time flies. HAHA. im alr sec3. with juniors calling me senior-.- i really feel so old. HAHAH. though im always acting old. HAHAH.kk, watever. always being the oldest and protecting the younger ones have always been my job. perhaps thats why i always feel more comfortable with seniors at time. but ive learnt my lesson, nv be close to anyone who graduate earlier or later than u. HAHAA. kk, watever. that only applies to me.

i tink i really said alot. guess im starting to appreciate things around me. no matter how bad things could get, at least i noe ive been through good times too. seriously, those who still cant reflect as in fan xing, ur seriously should go do something abt urself. if not u'll jsut be living ur life in vain. or perhaps thats ur goal in life. to live life in vain. if u're a pessimist, i give u one sentence to add on to ur pessimistic. no matter how great ur life is, the end will still be death. ppl always say me emo or watever. but get ur facts right wat is emo. cose im not. im just stating facts or mayb even helping u to decipher life. the optimist thinking is that. though the end of life will always be death, at least u had live ur life to the fullest, use it for good things. but somehow, i tink this explanation is not good enough. yeahh, mayb bcose in my brain, theres still pessimistic thinking. so somehow i really dono why either. the answer is time again.

talking abt how much people could change. its really creepy. but still, if its someone u noe for years, u'll definitely not believe that the person change. if its me, i will not believe it either. but i noe her character. so definitely i believe wat u said. shes just like dat. even when im in the same class as her again 3years later, she also change alot. actually, when someone changes, its bcose of her surrounding. cant really blame her either. i noe u understand what i meant. shes always the younger few and we always give way to her. tats why shes like dat. even at home nobody could control her, whatmore outside. i really hope u understand what i meant the previous time i told u. perhaps yahh, its different. its really hard to be alone. but at least u shld be glad u still have her with u. in ur sch, u still have many ppl to back u up right? and u noe i'll always be there to back u up too. i always knew they couldnt get along. guess i have always been right all these while. in my sch, theres no one to back me up. the previous time was alr a good example. i really hope u guys was there instead. i noe we would have just walked away instead of just sitting there having to suffer her nags. i really dono why she'll change this way too. i still cant really believe wat i heard. i want to help u but i really dono how. cose i noe if i start helping, u'll feel worse in sch. and i noe she'll be stubborn and said she did not do that. so the only thing i could hope for is u to be stronger. stand up for urself. i noe u're not a coward. u're just giving way to her once and again. cose u always do. no matter how bad the situation is, u still give way to others. just for once, stand up for urself. u've got to let her change back to her old self. out of so many friends, u're always the one that need someone to help u the most. cose u nv ever noe how to stand up for urself.

i tink ive really said alot. no, typed alot. only a few will noe what im saying. provided they even wanna read? HAHAH. but for some assholes, no matter how u read, u wont get it. HAHA. if u get a bit of it, means u're not sucha asshole afterall. goodluck on being an asshole!(:

must be wondering why am i blogging so frequently right? HAHA. simple, cose its a 4day holiday! AHHA. though i suppose nxt week gona be quite busy. but still, at least most tests are over! though there'll still be more upcoming ones. but life's just life right? these type of things cant be avoided anyway.

oh damn! my sis is back. and laptop have to return to her alr! damn, ive got alot more things to say ok! nvm, i shall be nice and not torture ur to read. HAHAHA. okok, watever. BYE!

perhaps its all fate.

ytd i was really really really tired. but perhaps the league kept me going in sch. after sch was the crappy AMC thingy. in front part was still alright lahh. but the back part im like lost. or perhaps i should say, i didn have the mood to do anymore. i can like totally hear whats going on at the netball court lahh! where will have mood to do siia? HAHAH. so after giving the paper i straight away run down.

somehow i thought i was gona miss like one quarter of the match. but i forgotten that ytd we're starting at the second match.HAHA. so, fat hope. cose actually, i didn really wanna play. wasnt feeling very good anyway. both my shoulders are like dying. even the bio and eng test i had difficulties writing for a long time. guess its bcose of the previous match. was trying to transfer my energy into my hands to throw the ball. but realised that my hand is alr shivering, although i still had the strength in my body.

okk, yes, i noe ur dont understand. but anyway, i doubt anybody's reading too. cose my blog is dead right? AHHAHA. and i realised that my archives quite nice to read lehh. for me of course. HAHAH. im gona read it some day. so yes, ytd was alright. cose i coudlnt rmb a thing. HAHA. in a sense, i dono why, but after waking up this morning, i really cant rmb clearly wat happened the day bfore. just noe tat ive finally put down a burden kinda thing? and can only rmb tat im meeting my pri sch frens today!!! and i tink im gona be late alr. HAHAHA.

okk, i tink i ytd finally not so temper-ish? HAHAH. at least better i tink? though i get attitude-d at for no reason-.- but seriously, i realised i no longer can play until very rough alr. perhaps ive seen too much accidents and blood. HAHAH. yes, i play rather rough last time. alot ppl fall bcose of me. but its seriously not on purpose! i apologised ok! if not, blame their own teammates for making MY teammates. perhaps that aggressiveness is gone? okok, back to topic. overall, the whole internal league we've gotten 2nd placing so far. didn really expect that though. but it doesnt matter. this league actually really showed me that we can be good. and tat i could be like the past too. though the stamina part is still really tiring me out. but i just got tat confidence to play well now. perhaps ive gotten back my goal. i noe wat i want now. and ive got to work for it. no more slacking and watsoever.

okk, i tink enough of crap lahh. i dont really rmb wat i wanna post abt alr. kk, i better go and bathe and get ready to go out. HAHA. yes, weird i noe. going out at tis time. my pri sch frens are just weird. HAHAHA. kidding. we always meet for dinner though. HAHA. but, im just glad that i could meet up with them again. like bcose we're always so busy and stuffs. HAHA