Decipher the Story of My Life

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“Take up one idea. Make that one idea your life - think of it, dream of it, live on that idea. Let the brain, muscles, nerves, every part of your body, be full of that idea, and just leave every other idea alone. This is the way to success, that is way great spiritual giants are produced.” Swami Vivekananda
“Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.” Steve Jobs
“The truth is incontrovertible, malice may attack it, ignorance may deride it, but in the end; there it is.” Winston Churchill

Not good.
Monday, August 27, 2012 1:57 AM

I realised im escaping again. I cant control my emotions whenever I watch some drama. This means im just trying to give myself an excuse to cry. Hate it whenever that happens. Cause its just bao feng yu qian xi.

Again, I wouldnt know when i'll breakdown again. Im escaping from the problem. But yet again, I just want to give myself more time to decide. I just need it to be even stronger. I dont want to regret. Nevertheless, it was smth that gave me life. All these years, it was that which gave me hope in life. Which gave me a goal. Im scared if I decide to erase that out of my life, I wouldnt be able to go on.

Im also scared the more I understand, the more I feel that its pointless.

I think im changing. I feel the change to. But I know its not the change I want. Wait, or maybe it was? Always wanted to change back to the old me. To the feeling-less and emotionless me, who only know how to flare up at ppl. Is that really what I wanted? I guess not.

K, im not very sure what im saying too. Hahaha. Just leave me alone. Or maybe cause I was at home for too long. HAHAHAH. Whatever lah.

Im gona go overseas in few weeks time anyway. Rural area. Hahaha. It'll be a good experience and a good time to sort thoughts out too I guess. I hope that could give me an even stronger will to continue things.

I no longer know who/what can give me the motivation to do anything alr. Not even the word disappointment seem to help. I really need to find myself back.

Time tells u everything
Friday, August 10, 2012 12:46 AM

Ultimately what I think was always right. I thought someone could prove me wrong. But no, im still right. Always hated that. Cause that tells me that there is really no one u can actually trust. U only have urself, no matter what.

This isnt emoing hor. Its just life, I know.

But yes, I know it myself who are my true friends. Time tells everything. Really glad to have them. We may not be meeting that often, but im always myself around them, and im glad for just that. At least I dont have to put up a wall/facade.

Friends come and go. There's always a reason why some stay in the past and some move on with u into the present or the future. Yes, I do believe that if u make an effort to, it may last. But sometimes, its not always the case. Cause its an effort both sides have to be making. If its only one sided, sorry, it'll never last.

From all the things I've been through, i've learnt to let things go. Its better/less painful to let the friendship fade off slowly, then to tell the person straight in the face that something is going on wrong and its impossible to be friends anymore. The worst is to be saying 'i hate you, stop pestering me'. Cause nothing will ever be the same. Theres no such thing as taking ur word back. Cause the harm is done and it'll never be undone.

Worst feeling ever. U thought it was the best for them to leave u. But no, they deserve to have the say of whether they want to leave u.

K, why am I even saying this? Zzzzz feeling a little like im having seriously pmsing. Hahahah. K, that sentence contradicts alot. HAHAHAHA

So many things...
Sunday, August 05, 2012 1:11 AM

The past week was super hectic, really. But ok, come to think of it, I havent had a good proper sleep since year2 started. Really dono whats going on at all-.- the only time I had a real proper sleep was only when I was so physically worn out that I can just KO straight on my bed and not move till morning. Ohh and not forget that im mentally worn out too. Cause only with being mentally and physically super worn out, I can sleep without thinking of anything. Like sometimes, i'll just wake up suddenly thinking of smth. Like as though im not even sleeping!!! Zzzzz

Like i've always been saying, I havent even settle down into my first sem. Reason being I have too many commitments. Yes, its my reason but not gona be my excuse. So far I still managed them pretty alright. As in like nth very major happened yet. But obviously im not gona wait for anything major to happen lah. That'll be damn dumb please-.- so yes, I still have to try very hard to balance them as much as possible. Cause im really slacking on alot of things. Keep sacrificing studies stuffs for netball. I mean, yes, i've always been doing that. But I think at least not in projs. Cause its not my own thing. But nvm, everything is over. Arent going thru this shit anymore next sem/future sem. Meaning, im no longer gona commit in too many things :/

Now the only clash im scared of is the trip and national games :/ but whatever. Just dont go for national games? I think it"ll be fine. Just that I think yilun will most prob kill me. HAHAHA. But aiya, trip also not confirm yet. It'll be my last time going overseas for at least 2 years anyway.

K, so the week I was busy with studies and netball. As usual, just the UNUSUAL add on of tests-.- friday was the worst. 4h of sleep with 3 tests and trg to end of with. Survived the day. But I guess not the papers:/ out of 3, two was still pretty much alright. Just that one I just passed by 11.5. But I guess its still ok, since percentage isnt that much. And I freaking did not even study for that test. So I consider myself VERY LUCKY SERIOUSLY. First time ever im glad and happy the quiz was on mel :/ but the mmb CT2 was the worst. I was stuck at the first qn alr-.- totally didnt know how to do. So I just scribbled whatever make more sense to me. Hahaha. Just hope that luck is still with me:/ at least let me pass please):

And today was pesta carnival. Really tired. 4h of sleep too :/ im really glad mshuang seriously meant what she said. Really thank her for that. I really dono how to interpret her actions/words at times. Shes really one of the hardest person I came across to understand their actions/words :/ maybe I think too much. Like what she said, shes the coach, there isnt anyone she shld explain to for whatever decisions she make. But whatever it is, the first round is over. Left with second round. Doubt i'll be playing much I guess?

Today was really quite shocking for me actually. Glad too I guess? I played all the games except the nus one. But that was expected. Besides, I think it was quite obvious that I was dying alr :/ my legs totally failing me alr loh-.- but im quite satisfied with my performance though. I mean I know its not good. But like, I only trained with this team as a midfielder for only 4 trgs? Whatmore playing as a WA!!! That was the most ultimate one. The position I hate playing the most, seriously. I dono why but I hate it. I rather start the ball!! And yes, I played C too today. Cause my positions were only C and WA. Yeah, my WD is gone :/ got pushed up cause the WDs cant feed nor attack. Cant believe im actually the better one out of them. Cause it just shows how bad our defenders are at attacking. HAHAHAH.

Alright, im gona sleep now. Long day ahead): cause its back to books....sigh..... Exams are alr round the corner and I havent even really studied. Gosh. No way am I doing badly for finals. Need to at least maintain my gpa.

Hope everyone is doing fine.