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“Take up one idea. Make that one idea your life - think of it, dream of it, live on that idea. Let the brain, muscles, nerves, every part of your body, be full of that idea, and just leave every other idea alone. This is the way to success, that is way great spiritual giants are produced.” Swami Vivekananda
“Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.” Steve Jobs
“The truth is incontrovertible, malice may attack it, ignorance may deride it, but in the end; there it is.” Winston Churchill

first of all, HAPPY BIRTHDAY XINYI!(: perhaps u might see this(: ohh and, i seriously did not never reply u ok! i did reply EVERYTIME but just that u dont seem to receieve the msg even though my phone states that its delivered. and pls, this ONLY happens when i sms u. so dont try to come tell me that my phone got problem-.-

kk, its time to relax for a SHORT SHORT while. so i seriously think stress is catching up on me man): i told u so. everytime when i start studying only 2weeks bfore exams, i'll get this kinda stress and feeling. but when i start early, i cant concentrate on studying. HAHAHA. contradict much? kk, and this feeling really sucks. plus teachers kept saying that the papers are hard): i really wanna kill myself man...

and guess wat? i think im gona fail my Amaths test. like seriously. ytd night when i was slping, i doing if im dreaming or if im awake lahh. i suddenly rmb the questions and realised that my graph sketching question is like ALL wrong?! i seriously hope its just a dream man.

so, on the whole, i seriously doubt i studied anything man. i only finish writing SS notes and soon geo notes. but i doubt they actually entered my brain. oh goosh, i think im lagging behind alr!!! NO TIME!!!

and guess wat? i had the sudden craving for chips and chocolates. so i went down to buy. and after getting the change i threw it into the plastic bag. and then wat? i only rmb to take out the 5dollars and i threw the 20cents into the bin!!!!! those go all the way down kind hor. like freak man, im too stress or smth. AHHAHAH. if i didnt rmb the 5dollars, i think my loss will be greater!!!! omg, i seriously cant imagine myself throwing 5dollars away. OMGOSH.

everything is so NOT going smoothly. i need some sort of life management strategies to smooth out my paths ahead. AHHAHAHHA. i feel so geographied. HAHAHA. if u did study on rivers and coast, perhaps u may understand what i typed. HAHHAHA. after effects of studying too much....
btw, i started stuyding from 1110 to 1445. and started again on 1600 till probably 1930. and start again ard 2200 till i dono what time):

and ive not finished geography yet. and the time now is 6.13pm-.- i need a 42 hour day man!!!! seriously, who says that teenagers in singapore can use 24 hour to do 42 hour things?!

HAHA, i no longer get affected by SOMEONE and dont feel like studying anymore. perhaps its bcause im left with 12days[?] to study 9 subjects. okk, more like 8 subjects? cause im not gona study english. but this time round, i am so gona TOUCH chinese. HAHAHAH. hopefully, i dont get a B or a C this time round!

kk, im not gona waste my time typing now. theres like chem test tmr and i forgotten to bring my book back. HEH. how wonderful. cause i thought that since its on chemical equation and balancing equation, i wont have a problem. but i kinda rmb that i dont rmb the formulae for certain subtances. HAHAHA. and its not on the periodic table. so i shall be guai and go sch early tmr. everytime i say i will go sch early, i end up reaching sch later than usual-.-

then theres phy and Amaths test on fri. how great right? FYE coming yet theres still so many test): and nxt wednesday theres bio test): this is crazy~! but nvm, i believe i can do it. HAHAHAH. hopefully!

and the haze is not only affecting my health man-.- its also affecting my eyes! i cant seem to wear my contacts for a long time now. and i cant resist the temptation to rub my eyes too! DAMN IT. ohh, if u do not know, i have the habit of rubbing my eyes(:

okk, no more crap. time to study bfore my stupid irritating noisy sister comes back!

this is dumb, irritating and watever crap nonsense there is to sub in. its always like dat when they come back after gambling-.- kinda hate it somehow. as long as dont anyhow come scold me can alr. if not i wont just stay quiet.

so obviously, my sis got aimed. cause she didnt eat and my mother's angry at her for not eating. HAHA. then guess wat? she called my sister to take her food and eat. so when shes calling, she called out all sorts of name. AHHA. in a sense she said 'michelle, rochelle, rachelle' only the last one was correct-.- michelle is out, and rochelle is using the com with a VERY FULL stomach. HAHAHAH. okok, crap. kk, not me crap, but my mother's crap.

she always does that and it ALWAYS irritate us. then she will claimed that we dont reply her-.- cause in the first place, she called our names wrongly! and she loves to do that in the kitchen-.- so who in the house can even hear wth shes talking about?! we dont have super hearing u know. although my house not very big lahh. and i admit that i got hearing problems. AHHAHA. she will always call the wrong name then say wat she rmb calling the right name-.- we're the ones hearing our names obviously we know wat she said. then she will start quarrelling with us that she said the right name. irritating right?

though it may be irritating, because she kept calling the wrong names. but i do think that its cool having siblings of RATHER the same name. AHAHA. i can totally share my stuffs with my younger sister. cause all she have to do is add a tail at the O. HAHAHAH.

okk, its suppose to be an angry post. but doesnt matter. i think its time for me to slp. OOHH! and, ive wasted another day idling-.- guess im really not gona touch the 6papers. AHHA. kk, shld be 5papers. cause ive kinda finish 1paper on saturday.

kk, bye!

i think my life really suck like shit man. i still can't prevent myself from getting sick when there's haze): freaking irritating i swear. i was sick for the whole of the holidays last week? on this day last week, i was so sure ive recovered. in fact, on thursday i alr thought that ive recovered somehow. but perhaps, just dont have the luck and my brain just want to provide myself with excuses.

and now, one week later. im down again. sucks. ive been sneezing for the whole of today man): and was coughing since ytd. but somehow, i dont cough in the morning. HAHAH. i dono if its bcose i walked under the rain ytd. but i doubt it is. cose it wasnt the first time i walked under the rain. and i really mean it when i said walked. but seriously, at that point of time, i didnt thought about walking any faster. cose it really felt great walking under the rain. though i'll get my not waterproof bag wet. but it really didnt matter. perhaps i just like being under the rain. but i know its impossible.

yeahh, so today was ultimate slacking day man. i told myself to study maths today. HAHA. if not its totally impossible for me to finish all the 6papers by thurs. but somehow, i know i wouldnt finish it! HAHAH. so today i woke up, ate and watched tv all the way till 3pm. then i slept all the way till 7pm. HAHA. say i rock man! i thought i would be able to wake up ard 5 and use the com. but i ended up waking at 7pm. HAHA. i kinda got a shock when i saw the time. so yeahh, my day was gone just like that.

and i still feel really tired. i couldnt rmb why i wanted to use the com! AHHA. but yahh, doesnt matter. i realised that i can no longer use the destop com anymore. cose whenever i use the destop com, my shoulder will hurt like mad. like i dono why. i just feel so tense up when i use the com. unable to relax?

okok, i dont feel like blogging anymore. guess i'll really not feel the stress nor panick until exams date draws nearer. perhaps its someone fault. HAHAHA. everytime i start to type, i can't rmb what i wanna type :/

bored. bored. bored. bored. im suppose to either study or go run. but i ended up using the com and i dont know. i dont feel like studying alr. i should have known that my house wouldnt have anybody-.- totally forgot that my mother will be going out):

i wanted to like come home and go cycle with my sister. i cant wait for her to hurry grow up. so that she could like do things with me. but sad thing is that, i have no idea if i would still do it with her. cose when she really did grow up, i'll also have grown up. by then, i doubt i need her anymore): besides, its gona be a long wait. cose our age gap is like 8years?

okk, i seriously have no idea what to do. i only know i feel like buying the big bar of cabury duo to eat now. HAHA. i need intake of chocolates!!! need to raise my sugar level and destress. HAHAHA. chunk of crap.

ytd was madness. believe it or not, im like so guai and so alone. HAHAHA. 1245 went to eat till ard 130? then went back sch to lonely-fied myself. AHHAHA. i stayed at the netball area to do hmewrk and in the same time wait for stupid valerie to come. shes having a good time at kfc. HAHAHA. so after she came back, she asked me to go her class study cose there got fan-.-

then qinyu dismiss alr. so she followed qinyu to go buy food. then im alone again. thats not the main thing. main thing is a cat came in to ask me how come i change class-.- freak it man. like her business. so i just replied her that im studying in my friends class. surprisingly siol. i really didnt expect that she'll like rmb me? kk, maybe only my face. and bcose i was also wearing the netball tee. then they came back and we studied till 4 and left for netball area. cose stupid valerie need to go to work-.- she really is wanna die man. exams are coming and shes still working. so in need of money?

after that took ball out and qinyu started shooting. stupid thing is, qinyu went to take a airless ball out-.- at first she ask me to test the ball. then i say she test cose i was holding my phone so lazy to test. then she test alr, got air. she put aside and took out another one, cose she thought i wanted one too. then i said i dont want and she took the one she wanted to give me. and than guess wat? she bounce to test the ball and just go straight to netball area. and suay thing is, the ball got no air. HAHAHHA. then not long later jennifer came down. so we ended up shooting, crapping, playing, laughing, video-ing and all sorts of nonsense. ohh! and we played volleyball too. HAHA. hand pain arhh. long time no play alr. and i realised something. i can actually play volleyball now without much of the ball flying everywhere. AHHAHA.

we were trying to help qinyu to shoot better. AHHA. telling her to get the feel, to shoot closing her eyes, to have the flow, to straighten her hands bfore shooting, to know which part of the rim is she aiming, to understand how is her shooting style and blahh blahh blahh. we even took video to let her know how she look like when she shoot! but seems like nothing really worked out! HAH, but doesnt matter. i suppose she understands what we're tryin to say and do. AHHAHA. we asked her to go back home and face the mirror to practice her shooting style. HAHAHA. cause she doesnt know how she shoots! her ball awhile above head, awhile at the left side then awhile at right side. dont even know which side she wants. HAHAHHA. then we tried out shooting the other shooters style. we all say jennifer style of shooting is cant work de. HAHAHHA. cause the both of us couldnt get it right. HAHAHHA.

okok, enough. i still dono what i wanna do! hmmm, should i blog abt PESS carnival? the crappy part of course. actually not alot. so perhaps i should do that. HAHAHA.

PESS CARNIVAL (CRAPPY PART)
kk, first crap thing was, me and jackie chiong to the toilet straight when we reach NIE. cause we were in need of the toilet ever since we reached yishun mrt station in the morning!!!! HAHAHA. i bet everybody must be wondering what's wrong with us. HAHAHA.

then while waiting for time to pass to get ready for warm up, we(alyssa, jackie, ms tay, me and alicia) were sitting at the bench talking and slaking while the others were shooting/playing. then the other teams were like warming up alr. but we were facing the side where the ball would definitely not fly to us. but the at the back, the ball will definitely fly to us. so we decided to turn around, cause we were really afraid that we would get hit by the ball without even knowing that the ball is coming. then the nxt minute, a ball came flying to alicia. and just nice, she caught it. like really quick lahh. then the nxt time, another ball came flying over to my side and i was bending down. luckily i ask alyssa to help me watch. if not i am so gona kill those ppl. HAHAH. then the nxt time was when its coming between me and alica. so i leg up and kick and she use hand to block. HAHAHA. damn stupid lahh. we're like all shock. and their ball is hard de lohh. i can feel the impact on my leg and alicia complaints that her hand is pain. its really super crap.

during game of course nothing crap happens. then skip all the way to the lunch part. the crazy ppl, which is either jackie or valerie, is making bread with some faces on it. HAHA. and then they were given to ms tay. HAHAHA. if i did not rmb wrongly, its bread with tuna spreading? then the top of the bread is two biscuits for the eyes. tuna for the nose and mouth. damn crap lahh. then a few of us ran in to see what was ms tay's reaction. HAHAH. even ms huang laughed ok! AHHA.

then after that was the going to toilet part. me, qinyu, jennifer, valerie and zirui went to the toilet. however, the toilet doesnt have ANY toilet paper. so we all no choice just use the toilet, cause we were all argent. but sadly, zirui wants to do big business. so obviously without toilet paper, its impossible to do it. so i gave her an idea to use water to wash. AHHAHAH. then everybody in the toilet started laughing. cause we were talking SO LOUDLY. and the toilet is flooded with netballers who are getting ready to go or for the nxt game. then there were some other suggestions. which i alr forget is what. so the last suggestion was to go to the guys toilet to get toilet paper. and we ALSO said that suggestion out LOUD. then our BRAVE jennifer was the one to take the toilet paper from the gents. HAHAHA. she shouted in if there was anybody. and nobody replied. so she just walked in to take. and we were all like, wat if the guy did not reply?! HAHAHA. but she didnt bother and just walk in. so, finally, zirui has her toilet paper to do her business. HAHAHA. and everybody else who wants to use the toilet followed our idea to go to the gents to steal toilet paper. HAHAHHA

then after that we went back. and took ball and went down to shoot with qinyu. the artificial grass there is super nice. with the super nice sky, everything is like perfect man. HAHAH. and qinyu said she wanna just camp there. HAAHA. then now its my turn to do big business-.- and theres no BRAVE jennifer to take the toilet paper for me. so no choice i have to take it myself. but im seriously not that brave to shout in. HAHAHA. so i just look if there was anybody from the outside. cose theres like holes?! the person who builts the toilet is stupid loh-.- so i went in and guess wat? theres someone in the cubicle! HAHAHA. so i just quickly went into the next cubicle, took the toilet paper and ran out. OMG LOHH. i cant imagine if the person suddenly came out ok!!! HAHAHHA. i cant stop laughing when i told qinyu about it. HAHAHAH.

then after that was just all about slacking and re-warming up. its good when u can lie on someone. im seriously. but its not good when the someone u're lying on keeps moving-.-

okk, i think im done blogging pess carnival.

today, was just practically about studying.

o.O i wanted to say something. whether or not the person or people whom i want them to see did see anot, i dont care. but im just gona say it. i know i can't force your to appear or do what ur do not want to do. but seriously, all this is just about self-discipline. even life is about self-discipline. i dont like to force ppl to do what they dont like to do. whatmore, i dont have the right to. im nobody to your. so, definitely, i wouldnt force anything upon your. cause even if i did, nothing would come out of it. seriously, i would just like to say that your really have to prioritise your stuffs. im not trying to say or imply anything. but another thing is, where is that least bit of respect(k, now im only talking to one person)or even responsibility? u told me u're free, and then ended up u were opposite with someone else. like wtf? wat if i was waiting for u? didnt u ever thought of that?! luckily i already know u through and through. ive experienced all of these nonsense many times. and i wouldnt give a damn to even be angry. but seriously, grow up please. how the hell can ppl be a rest giving u responsibility? on the good side, after all these nonsense u've given me, ive learnt to be more forgiving and not to get agitated easily.

okk, im done wasting my time. ive typed my nonsense all the way till 7pm alr. HAHAHAH. and my mother gona be back soon with my food. HEH. but come to think of it, i think there's no more drinks for me):

i need to stabilise my own mindset to the correct mode now.

i have seriously bad STM ok. i wanted to blog about something, but i forgotten abt it just minutes ago. freak it.

okk, i shall be nice and talk about my results. hmm, erm, not very good for me lahh. esp, Emaths, chinese and a little of comb humans. suck shit man. but still overall was great. improve alot from midyears lehh. maybe cose this time round ive gotten rid of Cs! YEAHH MAN. say im good! AHHAHAHHA. kidding.

okk, i dono why but im seriously getting high. i realised that my HRC is pathetic! shit like hell. lack of activities to join lahh! i seriously should get more involve in sch activities! but this year is way colourful than the previous one! HAHAHAH. HOHOHO. HEHHEH. AHHAHA. i really think im crazy. im like multi-tasking now.

guess wat? i think i really got over it alr. i dont feel the pain and sadness and sorrow and wat not anymore. ive been through much and this is the same. ive grown and learnt from my lessons. and no matter what she say, somehow i only think two is not totally correct. but i must admit something. that day my attitude really suck big time! ive made myself to suffer this pain. im in the wrong and should change. i swear to god, i'll NEVER EVER REPEAT this mistake again. i'll nv take it for granted anymore. no matter how much i dont get the chance, i should still do my best when im on court. i should not slack anymore. its no ones fault but mine. i should be responsible and mature enough to have known all this. for at the last game ive alr known that would have happened but did not want to do it. told u so. ive always been that sensitive. zhe jiu jiao zuo jing yi shi zhang yi zhi ba. zai fan zhe ge cuo wu jiu zhen de jiao zuo DA BEN DAN le.

okk, i really dono wat to type anymore. ive been typing so much and lacking of so much sleep. kk, since ive got over it. i should type abt wat we did on sunday PESS carnival, NEXT TIME. HEH. i really need to sleep.

oh oh oh! and, ppl, do watch disney channel or any cartoon channel shows for those movies. as in HUMAN-ACTORS movie. not what ur think some childish movie. cose there are like really nice shows. plus, some actors are really quite nice. HAHA. i bet nobody could believe i said that right? AHAHAHHA. W-H-A-T-E-V-E-R!(*gives that stupid face, which i know everybody will want to box) HAHAHHA. okk, bye! i still havent take out my contact lens at this time of the day! AHHAHAH.

i told myself to but i couldn't. C'mon, who wants to run with me? HAHA. i need people's help, like seriously. but obviously not someone who wants to show off to me. HAHA.

i wonder if i should like take a break? but i dont think i can afford to. okk, actually i dont wanna care so much. just concentrate on some things. which i actually dont really know what. and guess wat? i feel that going to sch might help me somehow. cose im too busy to think of anything else. but another thing is. i wanna talk, but everytime i do so, the voice is gone. i mean like, the phlegm gets stuck in the throat and the voice couldnt come out. then it either zao xia or dono bcome like wat. HAHA. so i kinda avoid talking too much too.

kk, i shall go watch my shows. i shouldn't even be using the com. wish me luck, seriously. i hope everything goes well.

i dono if i can dupe myself. but i'll try as hard as possible. i'll try to cool down and go to sch. AHHA. i dono when i'll pon again of course. but i must say something. i definitely did not pon sch bcose got the freaking geo test. anyway also no geo test in the end. geo test i dont even wanna give a damn. at most fail and die only. no big deal to me. failures in studies is not a big deal for me to bother over.

i dono. but i really dont think i'll survive it this time. i cant forget it and cant really accept it and get it into my brain. i know its my problem but i really really really didnt noe it was so terrible. but yahh, watever she said, i know its true. cose i do think of myself that way. just that got one or two i dont really agree.

i dono. ahha, i kept saying i dono. hmm, i really hope i can supress myself. I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR FIRST. IF I EVER GET ANGRY OR UPSET OR LOSE MY TEMPER EASILY, ITS REALLY NONE OF UR BUSINESS. COSE ITS MY PROBLEM NOT YOURS. IM JUST NOT IN THE RIGHT STATE TO DO ANYTHING. i want to be happy again. i suddenly feel that my life bcame dull black again. but i wont be changing the blogskin anymore. cose perhaps it still suit me somehow. plain dumb.

perhaps i'll be anesthetising myself with hmewrks and studies. i want to rest but i noe i cant afford to. i really dono if i'll burst out crying or watever in sch. and please, if i ever dont bother u in sch or anything, its really not ur fault too. cose i kinda feel that i dont really will bother(as in say hello) anyone this time. maybe except the seniors and tchers? cose no matter wat, i should still give them the respect. maybe except a few. HAHAHA.

please dear god, help me get over this big wave. let me be strong again. i need my primary sch friends once again. i need them to cheer me up. only some ppl in my sec sch could do it. but i noe it'll be hard to say anything to them. cause they're as afraid of me as anyone else. only my primary sch friends could do the job. dear god, please bless us with strength and allow us to get on with our life.

as the tittle says it all. im no longer sad nor anything else. i know some ppl might be really interested to see what im gona type. u ppl might want to know what's going on. but obviously, im not that dumb. neither do i think ur are dumb to. so whatever i type, u wanna believe then u can go believe for all i care. u dont wanna believe then its not what im suppose to do to let u believe.

im actually really upset ytd. the laughters were fake. smiles were fake. everything were fake. but i noe i just have to keep smiling. in the bus, i didn bothered anymore and didnt wanna tok alr. thats when ur find me in the wrong state alr right? but im not gona care. ur didn do anything wrong, so dont have to be sorry or wat not. dont pity me either. cose i dont need them. i can handle my stuffs on my own. im not a weakling. though i would like to say, but sorry, i wont. ppl who know me might know the reasons. and please dont feel bad or anything after u see what i type or watever. cose its really really really none of ur fault. i swear its none of ur fault. for all the faults lies in me. im just not good enough to be trusted. i just dont have the chemitry with them when i thought i alr had. once again, DONT EVER FEEL BAD, IF NOT I WILL FEEL WORST WHEN I KNOW IT.

i thought i really worked hard. at least harder than last year. harder than im with ms joan or mrs tan. i went ahead to risk everything i had. but i didn know that my efforts were deemed useless. im really seriously a useless failure. ive failed once, asked for the reason and weren't very satisfied. cose i had the utmost confidence that i could have done better than the one on court. i do know that it isnt a one person game. for that situation, i know i should have gone on court. recently, ive failed once more. i asked for the reason, and got a rather satisfied one. cose the problem did not lie in me. its just that she trust the wrong ppl, or perhaps, i did not have enough qualities to let her trust me more. then even more recently, ive failed again. ive gotten my answer and was partly correct. though its rather the same situation as the first one, i think this time im at the losing end. though i have the utmost confidence to do it, and ive alr thought of what i could have done, but it was useless. perhaps we just dont have enough ppl for us to be there. but at the very least, i know why.

im over with it. got over it. but i just didnt have the mood to go to sch today. i dont care if anybody saw this. cose its not my first time pon-ing sch anyway. list me on truancy for all i care. ive a white clean list anyway. never ever broke my record, never ever was deem as useless in studies. cose im always one of the best one. cose its an easy task for me to not disappoint anybody. cose i only had to use my brains. but for some other things, ive failed ppl once and again. disappoint more and more ppl. let more and more ppl have a different view on me.

but no matter what happened, i know i still have to go on. once and again ive met with failures. once and again ive always wanted to give up. but again, i dont know how. but i dare to say tat i gave it up last year. i didn have the spirit to fight on. to hold on. cose i was at again a losing end. and cose i didn wanted to work hard, cose once and again ive disappoint myself. this time, its the same, i really want to give it up. perhaps i should just go and be a full time nerd and stop thinking about anything else. but i know i wont have the heart to do it. and i know it wouldnt be good. cose like what he said, i give myself alot of pressure. my goals are set high and ive achieved them in one way or another. i need to relax at times if not i would have entered woodbrigde man. so i cant be a full time nerd. only a part time one. HAHAHA. so im still a part time netballer and a part time nerd. thats all i could do. but this holidays, ive really wasted it. the results weren't good. the trusts wasnt there. everything just went down the drain. the only thing was good is that we seem to bond more, i saw my friends and i dare to talk to them this time round and that i know that my determination and will are strong. i know i could have achieved more things. its really time to work things out. this FYE, its gona be a good one. after FYE its even gona be a good one. i'll be a full time netballer by then. i dont want to think abt other stuffs. just concentrate. i can only be a full time netballer but not a part time netballer. studying for Os will be done next year. so, yeahh.

for everything ive been through, i can only say ive really grown alot. in a sense, my mentality. obviously not physically. u dont see me being tall right? HAHA. but what ive really failed on myself is that i disappoint alot ppl in terms of netball. even though some of them may not know how i am now in netball. but i know they have high hopes on me. i know they set high targets for me. as i also have high expectations for myself. all i wanna do now is to work harder, improve on EVERYTHING so that one day i could go up to them with my head held high to thank them for whatever they've done for me. be it if they even know what they've done or even if they still remembers me. since young i was taught to thank ppl who have helped me. when ive achieved what i want to achieve, i will definitely do that.

i really want to thank ms heng who allowed me to get this far. though its not that far now, but i believe i will. thank ms choo who have absolute trust in me then. who taught me all those defending stuffs for circle defend. whom i know will be the best coach in my life to have trusted me the most. and i know she would have higher hopes on me too. and i really hope she rmbs me! and mrs dave. she trusted me alot too. and believed i could do it. even more, she trusted me and wanted to help me go on court when i was disallowed to. and the best tcher who understood me. or even understood my way of play and what's going on in my mind. and ms puva. though i may not have liked her at the start, i still thank her for shaping me up a little. and her for teaching me a little feeder stuffs at the end. and her for helping me to get into better schs, but i rejected all her offers. HAH. and her for making me look good at the start of life in amk netball. i just regretted for not asking her to help me get into the team when im sec1. but at least she continued to train me even though im no longer her player in p6 and sec1. that'll be all i have in mind to thank so far for pri sch tchers and coaches.

for sec sch, i thank cheryl and weizhen for being so considerate and stuffs. though they more not have taught me much, cose what they taught me are what ive learnt bfore. but they helped me to shape up more on my basics. though my passes now may still be quite bad. at least i might say that ive reduced more on my bad passes. and i must say that my vision widen a little. and weizhen for always encouraging me. mr lee who believed i could do it. who believed i could have played as C position even though im sickly or even stamina-less. though its only a short period of time. im glad ive met him in my netball life. but seriously, i dont have much to say to ms joan and mrs tan. cose they practicaly didn really trust a single bit in me. perhaps im really that not trustworthy. but i still thank them for coaching me. and last of all, ms huang. though she just so called started coaching us, i think shes really good. other than ms choo, i think shes another good coach. her way for coaching may be a LITTLE TINY BIT same as ms choo and her defending stuffs really helped me alot. though im still on the way of absorbing all of it. but luck is still not on my side. cose i can say she dont really trust me. so guess thats what i have to work on. let her trust me and prove her wrong.

i dont want to disappoint anyone anymore. in terms of netball of course. i have to work extra hard. prove to them and make sure i get my chance. and achieve my goal of having the courage to thank them personally.

damn, the pictures got a little prob. and i just realised. i shall do it nxt time. so dont come say rubbish to me. i need to go.

HAHA. why the tittle? cause i took ard 5minutes to rmb what i want to type. HAHA. okok, get to the point, cause im suppose to be slping now!

kk, so why did i change blogskin? i wanted to type this ytd, but blogger some some stupid probs and its gone. so yahh, gone! yeahh, cause ytd i was hmm, erm, counted happy for no reason. yahh, so i decided to change. cause i finally found black dark. HAHAHHA. so i decided to make it white! AHHAHA. kk, stupid i noe. but that's the answer! i bet ur must be damn surprise. HAHA. cose if i did not rmb wrongly, ever since i got the blog, i think only the first few blogskins was colourful. after that ALL my blogskins are dull and dark. HAH. a change of mood maybe? cause i suddenly felt really relieve.

know what? i dono why but my right knee hurts a little man. i think bcose of northland's game. cause i wanted to stretch my leg. so i sat down in the middle of the court and start stretching. but then, action too fast. nv let my muscles warm up. HAHA. then i kinda pulled the muscles ard the knee area. sad right? AHHA. and after the two consecutive trgs, my muscles are like damn tight now. shoulders area the muscles are tight man! legs ones too lahh! like, omg, tmr carnival alr lohh. but stretch later. OHH! AND I DID COOL DOWN PROPERLY OK! just that i have some un-tell-able reason. HAHA. i suddenly forgot the word. so just make do with that word. HAHA.

kk, time to sleep alr lahh. my sis is totally having fun playing with my phone-.- i dont find it fun man. and she likes to play the fishy game. HAHA. and she did something really hilarious and creative with my phone lahh! HAHAH. i dono how to say. but yahh. and guess wat? she LOVES to zoom in on the pictures she took-.- wanna noe, come to me. i'll show u wat she did-.-

okk, i really need to sleep. it says 12.08 on the com. BYE!

i'll change the picture later. so dont give me some stupid comments first-.- busybusybusybusy

damn it man. i seriously think theres a big prob with stupid blogger. or perhaps its just thhis stupid crazy laptop. damn it. just bcose my sis came back ytd, i didn finish typing and nv post and its gone-.- freak it man.

and now, im too lazy to type again. so forget it. think im gona do three things today. HAHA. finish that stupid SS newsletter, finish studying geo, and change my blogskin! HAH. tired of this small little one. and i FINALLY find it too dark. HAHAHA. okok, i better start doing the stuffs. if not i wont have time to study geo man. HAHAHA.

and something else, im super excited for tmr. i dono why. perhaps too long nv have carnival alr. HAHA. and i suppose the whole team thats going, im the only one which is going there the first time): but nvm, im still excited! cant wait to play games. hopefully no lose. HAHAH. but i seriously think that after tmr trg, we seems to be more bonded? kk, in a sense that we seems to be able to cooperate quite well now lehh. not bad, not bad. defenders seems to have more mo qi. im so looking forward to tmr!(:

kk, time to go work. BYE!

AHHHHHH!!!!! im like seriously really really really bored ): i need some entertainment man! GOOOOOSSSSHHHHHHHHH. i really really think i got NO LIFE MAN. NO LIFE. its just about netball netball netball study study study sleep sleep sleep and more of all of them. life is sosososososoosososo BORING. i feel as though im typing sos. okk, i do need SOS):

i bet if other ppl were to lead the same life as i do, they will be bored to death. but if someone else of different character were to lead my life, i bet they will be damn happy. seriously, sometimes, i really wish to get into bad company. HAHAH. cose i'll be busier and livelier. AHHAHA. seriously. im like forever at home. either watching tv, eating, sleeping, using com, doing hmewrk or watever crap. its so BORING. tough i may be busy with netball at times. but its not a whole day thing man. yeahh, u ppl will say play games. but seriously, i dont find any join in playing games. cose first thing, eyes later very blur. second thing, sit until back pain. third thing, its not fun at all. im starting to fun games boring. know wat? im like bored till i feel like crying. HAHAH. actually, i shouldnt feel bored at all. cose ive got plenty of work do to. and nice one, i just rmb i got maths hmewrk. so yeahh, meaning, im really not gona do it. and meaning, if ms deepa were to go through the papers, i am so so so dead:/ but yeahh, i believe many ppl did do it either. but still, on the whole, shld be more ppl got do than never do. plus, im a guai kia yeahh. HAHAH. cant break the record!

kk, enough. today was friendly with northland. we won them. theres like really lots of changes for them heh? no more tallies, no more accurate shooters, no more strong defense. guess north zone gona be back to boring zone again? but actually, if they were to work doubly hard, i think they can be like their this year bdiv.

today's game played two quarters. i wonder if i did not tell her would i play something else. i think i'm like a total failure. i fail to do what im aimed to achieve. kk, doesnt really seem like a TOTAL failure. but still, to me i really do think im like a failure. that two quarters i didn really felt tired at all. seriously. no chest pain, no difficulty in breathing. nothing much. just a little tired only. perhaps bcose the attacker did not run much today. but in this way, i should perform way better. but seems like, im not really performing. i dont really think i did my best today. defense wise wasnt really very good. some balls which i could have gotten it but i did not. esp defending lobs. thats what i hate most about my defending. its been a long time ive been trg that but i cant seem to do it. another fail. but overall, i think im still alright.

i think this game didnt really start the bdiv team off well. i think we should have played with someone stronger than us. i think if we first time play then like so easy score than the others will think that its gona be an easy path. but i suppose everyone should have the least bit of understanding for south zone right? its the tougher zone as compared to the other zones.

i guess this wrong timing illness really cause me quite abit heh? or izzit that im too sensitive? hmm, i hope its that im sensitive. i think that way to think is better. but my sensitivity is often correct): damn, i really hate myself man. just why the hell am i so sickly and yet im not hardworking?! freak u, goh rochelle. i guess nobody have the slightest idea what im toking abt right? even if any netballers were to read this, unless u're also somehow sensitive or u actually paid attention to wat i said, u might understand. HEH. i shall give u ppl a clue. kk, after what i type, it wouldnt be a clue anymore. it would be a VERY obvious stating the thing out-.- but i shall make it more misterious. AHHA.

if u can play C and WD, which position would u want to play? if im a hardworking person, i'll definitely wanna play C. i dono why i would like a position which requires u to run so much. but, i jsut like it? perhaps bcose i prefer runnning about? i dont really like to stand there and watch and do nothing. i dono why but its just me. and i liek to start the ball. u may say its pressurizing, but somehow, i dont think so when im court. but when im watching, i sure do feel the pressure. weird heh? but i think if i were to play C, i think i will have more scoldings. HAHA. but for me, in this state, i can only afford to play WD. and problem is, im not even sure if i can last 4 quarters. nice one right? kk, i sound as though im in the main team or smth. nth is even confirm yet. but if i can choose, i really rather train for both WD and C. but never do i wanna play as WA. thats what i dislike to play the most ok. circle defence, shooters all these still ok. but, HAHA, for my height, i would never ever be train to play those taller ppl play de position anymore i guess. last time i prefer playing WD than GD. but now, i kinda do miss playing GD. HAHA. guess im really used to changing positions almost every year alr. AHHA. or maybe im bored? cose i didn felt like playing other positions when im in cdiv. but no matter what, i dont really wanna play attacker. cose i dont find it fun. HAHA. i dont really like to think alot on court. actually it doesnt really sound right. cose i do think alot for defender. i mean as in, i do think on court when im playing WD. i will think of what im lacking to do. and now im starting to think of the angle of defending the attacker. cose if i everytime stand infront of the person i cant see her and will result in losing her easily. i think im starting to understand what ms joan meant by keeping her to one side alr. after such a long time huh?

okk, i think nobody's reading anyway. HAHA. but seriously, i think my blog is a real good way of wasting time. HAHAHHA. i shall do tat nxt time when im bored. HAHAH. cose im gona get entertainment soon. guess wat izzit? its, bathing and then watch tv a while to let my hair dry. HAHAHAHHA. wat a way to entertain myself. i shall go stay in the toilet, under the water to cool off. im like, head gona burst soon. i dono why. kinda having a headache now. but this kinda pain is seriously nth.

OH OH OH! i forgot to mention one really really stupid thing! AHHAHAHHAHA. no matter what u miss in the front, this is a MUST READ!!!! AHHAHA. MY SISTER FELL INTO THE DRAIN TODAY!!!! AHAHAHHAHAHA. I THINK ITS SUPER HILARIOUS OK! ITS MY YOUNGER SISTER. BUT I STILL FIND IT SUPER HILARIOUS. THOUGH I REALLY PITY HER. AHAHHAHAHA. k, i shall be nice and explain. my mother, sis and i were on our way back from the doc(obviously its bcose i go there again. dont ask why, cose im just sickly. u can ask the price though. HAHAHA. it will just shock u!) then my ma and i were walking infront. leaving my crazy sis and her key pamplet at the back. AHHAHA. then she was like engross in looking at the key pamplet. then cose got one side of the walkway got ppl washing floor. so my ma say walk the other side. but the other side i grass, so there the walkway not very complete. in a sense, the drain part is not covered. by now u should noe what kinda drain im talking about right? dono, u can go knock ur head and die. so being so engrossed in her key pamplet, she just followed my ma and walk. and she ended up in the drain! AHHAHA. one leg in one leg out somemore. HAHAHA. my ma heard a loud falling down sound but funny thing is, i did not hear. HAHAHAH. so if she dont turn, i will just continue walking, leaving my sis bhind. of course until she cry then we will know alr. HAHAH. if its me, i'll definitely not cry. HAHAHA. but for her, with us laughing like crazy, she will definitely cry. AHHAHAHA. i really think its super duper uber hilarious. HAHAHAHHA. and i can actually typed such a long paragraph just bcose she fell down. HAHAHHA. but at least i help her up and back home. HAHAHHAHAH.

there's like only one phrase to describe me ytd- drained out. seriously. its like, i dont really know how to describe how i really feel ok. its like the muscles are like flaccid. HAHAH. the feeling is like as though the cells in you have punctured u know. every joules of energy counts at that point of time. seriously. im alr like trembling. okk, is there such a word? HAHAH. even when i lift my hands up to catch the ball i can feel my hands shaking. i dont even know when i might blank out and miss the ball man. but luckily, that did not happened.

throughout the trg i wanted to stop many times. but i dont know how to stop man. like i seriously wanted to rest more. but i tink its really unfair to the others. so i continued. but i know i stop quite a number of time. really couldnt take it. its like my chest is contracting inwards. i dono why. heart cant really take it so i stop. the split drill was terible. not defending still ok. start defending im like lost. seriously. my brain like couldnt really work. then when defending my leg couldnt really take it. i think not enough oxygen. HAHA. wasnt breathing properly either. maybe thats why. i couldnt really stand up straight man!

but somehow ive really no idea how i could tahan the whole trg. like seriously. perhaps its the mentality. mental strength plays a very important role in netball u know! hopefully i could keep it up in games! but i did thought of giving up though. but perhaps my efforts did paid off? but after trg, my energy somehow came back. AHHAA. cose i finally put my mind at rest alr. HAHAHA.

okk, i need to get back to work now. AHHA. i still did not touch anything yet! kk, actually hmewrk only got maths and physics? from what i know. but since physics i dont have the ws. so i dont wanna do. then maths, seriously, i dont feel like bothering. cose i havent even start revising. i alr forget abt the first chapter! the first question in Emaths im alr like 'shit!'. AHHAA. so hmewrk i dont really care. problem is got two projects. one going to finish alr. the other i guess im gona work on it myself huh? then is geo test): freak it man. i totally forget abt it until i saw the geo book in my room. FREAK MAN. sucks lahh. cant she just do with my previous geo marks? its alr good enough lahh! i think coast will be way worst!

okk, i shall stop complaining and get on with my work. if not i'll never finish. hopefully tmr will be a better day! just a few more days and i swear i will drink cold drinks alr! AHHAHAH. its such a pathetic goal ok! i swear i did not drink ANY cold drink since monday! its tough for me k! i drink it after EVERY meal! kk, time to go.

ohh, and i forgot abt something. dont talk to me too much when u see me or smth. cose with the phlegm stuck in my throat, my voice cant seem to come out. and im energy-less to even speak. the medicine make me feel so dizzy and sleepy. and its like draining off my energy. im like alr trying my best to get well asap before tmr's trg ok! i did not eat any chocolates nor ice cream and not even any cold drinks! k, i ONLY drink plain water! and im gona see the doc AGAIN tmr morning): how much money have alr entered the doc's pocket man! i really hate myself for being sick and wasting money): ROCHELLE GOH, U BETTER PULL THROUGH TMR'S TRG AFTER SO MUCH MONEY WASTED!

hmmm, kk, lets just start with what happened recently. obviously i will only type those i rmb. HAHA.

kk, so i missed last day of sch. early vacation. AHHA. but this time round is real sick! HAHA. but sadly, no matter how sick i am, i still have to cycle my fat pig sister to sch under the rain-.- freak right?! wat freaking life is this? im like no strength until i cant cycle properly for straight roads! yeahh, but it seems like nobody will care. i will only look sick when im in bed for a long time. i shall skip the nxt part, cose i will be freaking pissed after tat and ppl may think im an ah lian. HAHAHAH.

so skipped to saturday. yeahh, though ive got a warning from the doc, but obviously i wouldnt give a damn. fever is nth big to me. so i went for trg. survived(: lucky me. nth happens. just feel more tired easily.

so sunday, i stayed at home the whole day to rest. cose obviously, my sickness worsen. and obviously, kena reprimanded a little by my mother. but doesnt matter. used to it alr. so went to see the doc again. perhaps it helps a little. but the phlegm still cant come out):

and its today. got to get out of the house today to do project. wanted to skip it, but decided to go. anyway, not like if i get to rest one more day the next day i'll be alright like dat. so maths ama gona finish soon. so yahh, tats all.

from the next paragraph onwards, its ur business whether u wanna read(:

there's trg tmr. hopefully wont be too strenuous. i hope my heart could take it! AHHA. cose ive got tat bad feeling tat my sick is gona be pneumonia. i really hope its not! thought of telling ms huang, but i dono how to start saying. i realised something. even since i realised im no longer that important, i dont know how to start conversing with the coach anymore. but come to think of it, when have i ever told any coach what i'm feeling? its always my teammates asking me to stop. and yahh, like what ms huang said, we're grown ups now. we no longer need anyone's extra attention. we've got to learn to take care of ourselves and handle our own stuffs. tat day is drawing nearer. perhaps its time to get mentally prepared again. that face, is something i may never forget. many ppl seems so strong, but deep down, how they are feeling, u may never ever understand. i hope i would be given a chance of course. i hope i wouldnt disappoint anybody anymore. i dont want to embarrass my previous coach infront of my present coach. i want to be able to face my previous coach again. it may seems really easy for u all to do. but for me, its not. you ppl may think that im too sensitive, but somehow, i dont think so. somehow, i really wanna ask them if i did improve or deprove or nth changed? but somehow, i dono how to start saying again. all these feelings are really complicated. somehow somewhat, i think that only netball will give me this kinda mixed up feelings. but somehow, tats what kept me going(: its like, a part of me feels so excited for trg. but another of me hopes that the result will never come out. but i do know that during trg, none of all these personal stuffs will get into my brain. its just weird, but only netball allows me to do tat. if im studying, i bet i'll end up staring into blank space. perhaps thats just me. the weirdo without any life(:

somehow, i really hope i could say what i wanna say to someone. but somehow, i know all these are meant to be. at least i still have myself(: i still did not lose myself to the deepest part of myself. AHHAHA.