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“Take up one idea. Make that one idea your life - think of it, dream of it, live on that idea. Let the brain, muscles, nerves, every part of your body, be full of that idea, and just leave every other idea alone. This is the way to success, that is way great spiritual giants are produced.” Swami Vivekananda
“Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.” Steve Jobs
“The truth is incontrovertible, malice may attack it, ignorance may deride it, but in the end; there it is.” Winston Churchill
Understanding..
Saturday, April 25, 2015 12:48 PM

Sometimes it really feels like im slowly growing up HAHAHA obviously not in terms of height. Hahahaha i think that day will nv come alr. Unless im willing to sacrifice my ankles for heels :/ the feeling after wearing heels, is totally omg. I would rather sprain my ankle than to wear heels the whole day. Its honestly that bad for me :/

Ok thats not the main point HAHAHA. starting to understand myself a little more day by day, lesson by lesson.

Sometimes, doesnt mean u treat the person well means u'll get the same treatment in return. Instead, the person might not appreciate. Neither would the person know everything u've done for him/her behind their backs. But its all ok. U treat the person nice cause u know he/she deserves it. And that u'll want to be treated that way in return too. However, its fine if u dont get back the same treatment. Along the way in life, u'll definitely get it back from someone one day. Till then, u'll know who u should cherish in life and who are just passer-bys.

I guess when u're older, u're also less hard up/stubborn abt some things. Hahahah. Or perhaps im just seeing life in different light. Hence the change in thinking I'll have. I guess its like those olympic gymnast that I've been kinda crazy about lately HAHAHAHA. Its time to step out of that daily routine. Time to experience new things. No doubt it'll always be the best thing we like to do. And had the happiest memories in. I guess the only difference is that i didnt end it off without regrets.

How to say...im honestly disappointed. This time not myself. In fact, i would have said i tried. I really tried my best. Honestly I've no idea why i cant perform as well for llabten like in np. But now i guess i know why. I realised i can no longer continue deluding myself. In the past, i did it perhaps cause of the immerse passion i had(which perhaps was still burning) and definitely partly cause of ms huang. But now? Ms huang is gone and so is the passion. The place that ms huang said would prolong the passion, is no longer the place as she described. Even she herself would agree now.

Ms huang really had a great impact in my life. Though she probably didnt know at all. I rmb almost everything she said. From saying shes not only teaching us skills, shes also teaching us life skills. But i guess she only instilled that in us but not her older sac girls then. Or either once they had their fame and recognition, they've forgotten everything she taught. Its really disheartening to see. A team to just a group of people coming tgt to exercise. That honestly make a big difference.
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Deteriorating
Saturday, April 04, 2015 12:54 AM

Honestly i dono how long i can continue pushing myself. How long this passion will continue burning. How long I'll continue to sacrifice my health and my time for netball.

Ever since my last IVP, i honestly doubt my road in netball will continue much longer. Since 20 i can feel my own body own health deteriorating. Its getting worse by the year. I feel as though its telling me something. Perhaps 32 is true.

I honestly dono how long i can keep up. Neither do i know how ppl see me when i have to sit out. And only push myself to come back on when its court work. I really dono. This is the main reason why i dont want to go any further. No matter how much i love playing netball. Theres a limit. A limit i set for myself that no one can make me go pass it. I guess perhaps someone can, but it'll never happen.

I hate being weak. I hate having to sit out. I hate being so sickly. I hate having to need others to help me. This is why i dont ask for help. This is why I'll never say im not alright. Cause i wont allow myself to be not alright. I have to be no matter how tired/sick/breathless i am. I will go on, up till the day its time to stop. Perhaps some major injury. That will really make me stop. Having rheumatism since the age of 13 is also torturous. But its myself to blame.

Sometimes, i always ask myself this, what if u know when u're dying, or u can even feel it, what are u going to do to change ur life? Or perhaps do things that u always think u have time for. I dont even know.

Today, i literally felt like my limbs were abt to drop off. Or perhaps if i were to get a cut, my blood wouldnt even flow out. How does fainting feels like? Can it be controlled? Come to think of it, if i really fainted during trg, i would really have achieved the 'wish' of mine in the past. HAHAHAHAH
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