Decipher the Story of My Life

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“Take up one idea. Make that one idea your life - think of it, dream of it, live on that idea. Let the brain, muscles, nerves, every part of your body, be full of that idea, and just leave every other idea alone. This is the way to success, that is way great spiritual giants are produced.” Swami Vivekananda
“Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.” Steve Jobs
“The truth is incontrovertible, malice may attack it, ignorance may deride it, but in the end; there it is.” Winston Churchill

bored bored bored..
Monday, November 26, 2007 4:09 PM

today theres nth for me to do alr. so im jus bored. i reali jus wanna get out of here asap. its beta of noeing tat ur family cares abt u though they are somewhere else rather then they are so near u yet u dont feel the care at all. i reali jus wanna get out of here and forget everything.

sometimes i realised i dont noe wats call pain until perhaps something reali happen. like sat, i didn noe if tat was tired or pain. only after the whole game ended i realised it was pain and not tired. but its too late. i suppose my nerve fa yan again. my elbow also dono wats got into it. my joints seems to be failing on me.

haiz, i should stop tinkin abt all those weird pains i have. so i dont tink im gona blog anymore. HAHA. tis time real wont blog alr. until 3dec. dont try to call or sms me either. cose im bringing my fone to perth. if u wanna waste ur money then i dont mind if u sms me or smth lahh. HAHA.

finally theres smth to do on weekends zzZZ
Sunday, November 25, 2007 9:45 PM

seems like tis weekend i have many things to do. AHAH. today woke up by the warmness man. so im kinda hoping to faster go perth. so it will be cooler. later scarely go there too cold wanna cme back. HAHA.

so ate and started packing. ahahaa. since ytd night i didn noe how to start. so finally the clothes, knee guard and trg towels are dry. so i pack lohh. since it was my first time packing luggage myself, i actually packed it into plastic bags. HAHAH. then my ma came in to see how i was packing. and told me tat dont have to put in plastic bags. HAHAA. its damn dumb lahh. i kept complainin tat there wont be enough space yet my ma keep sayin theres enough space. but i sure wont have de lahh. she kept comparing my things wif my sis things. cose she went perth wif her sch too. but hers is for harp-.- obviously dont need bring much lahh.

so pack halfway my parents say go eat lunch. cose i goin away bfore my ma bday so we celebrated it today. went hans eat. piangg ehh. self service-.- somemore the plates and stuffs are damn dirty lahh. super disgusting. nxt time wanna eat hans dont go thomson de. super yucky.

then went np to change money. then went home. continued packing until i sian diao donwan pack alr. cose im too lazy so i didn wanna continue. i can drag things for long long time de. HAHA. then mapled instead since i have nth to do. nobody accompany me tok liao siia. monique ytd went overseas liao. then others reply super slow. or either i have nth to tok to them or dono how to start tokin to them-.-

hopefully theres something to do tmr lahh. or mayb i'll go do things to tired myself out. HAHA. im not gona care abt my ankle anymore. heck alr. im not goin sinseh. though my left leg looks a little like pig's leg. HAHA. i dont care alr lahh. i tink its the nerve prob. since the first time i sprain my ankle, my ankles haven been well at all. i didn wanna do anything the other reason is i donwan my ma to be worried or anything. since her bday is cmin and im goin away alone soon. hopefully i'll be alright bahh(:

sometimes i reali wanna hate them.
12:19 AM

cant they jus choose how they wanna treate me? sometimes treate me like a fully grown adult wen im only 13. sometimes treate me like a small kiddo. jus wat they wan. and stop comparing things i do wif her. finally u noe tat she been there we shes sec3 or 4 and now im only sec1. like finally u realised it. but u still dont noe the difference of us being there. sometimes i seriously wanna hate ur alot but i cant.

my ankle is swollen again. i tink its bcose of the shock then i didn bothered and continue playin. haiz, anyway its alr like part of my life of gettin sprained ankles or watever alr. its always like dat. the only way to stop is to quit. but if i quit i tink its alr too late. so theres no option for me to choose anymore. the only thing i can do is to endure the pains.

sometimes i really wondered if i did the right thing.

siann~ im bloody tired. knees and ankles are bloody pain.
Saturday, November 24, 2007 8:18 PM

okk, so today woke up at 7 instead. cose theres ppl to fetch me to sch again. HAHA. hopefully he can fetch me to airport too. not i have no idea how me and jackie is goin to airport wif big luggage man!

reach sch, not much ppl came yet. and evergreen pri is damn early lahh. and i dono why i jus keep wanna type everygreen instead-.-

so slowly everybody came liao lahh. amk blue won all games expect for the last game wif evergreen p6-.- and its jus 6-5....i tink i played badly. and i tink i chased for the ball many times lahh. until im super duper tired yet no one wanna chase): plus got one game i kinda shock dao my ankle. then the nerve now like got prob. and my knee is still hurtin alot lahh. overall, i tink i did not performed well.

after game, clear stuffs and ate. the rice is like stone pls. totally spoil my appetite lahh. actually wenever the food is green i actually will have appetite to eat. only for vegetable lahh. HAHAH. but this time the rice reali NO taste. then the ikan blis[?] very salty. but tats still ok. the egg totally spoil my appetite too. i hate tat kinda egg lahh. bcose got the vegetable thingy inside. so practically i ate a little rice and the ikan blis. then egg give jiamin. then all throw away. HAHA. actually i didn wanna eat de lohh. cose i totally dont feel hungry at all.

then eat finish. got our netball stuffs. the jersey is huge lahh. i tink i should have ordered my uniform size instead-.- others alright lahh.

then went home. tats wen im ankles and knees start to hurt again. i practically drag my leg to the busstop-.- then went home. obviously theres no one at home lahh. so bathe, ate a little and was super duper uper tired so went to slp. my legs are totally aching lahh. esp the ankle tat i shock dao. nerve i tink reali got prob siia.

then woke up ard 7+. wanted to pack de. but i dono how to start packin ehh. clothes washing, knee guard also washin, trg towels also washin. practically i dono how to start. and the damn luggage is red in colour. mke me more dont feel like packing lahh. i see red alr sian diao lohh.

from all the netball stuffs we gotten today, i only like the jacket and netball club tee. others are like so big and i dono how to describe. i jus realised my ma pack for me to medicine is like scared i enter hospital like dat. all kinds of antibiotic also have. phlegm also have. wahh. reali scare i die there izzit? and i still have to bring my asthma medicine along-.- i suppose i have the most medicines liao.

so i dont tink i'll blog anymore until i cme back bahh? tat is dec the 3rd. i tink even i cme back also nobody cme pick me siia-.- pathetic me lahh. my parents aren worried at all lohh. its like im jus goin to chalet? anyway my presence doesn mke a difference to anyone at all lahh. so it doesn matter. but i noe i'll miss SOME ppl wen im in perth de. HAHA. esp the coaches i tink. though cheryl is everytime scold us lahh, but shes way beta than mrs ong and others i suppose. and weizhen is always the nice nice one.

elbow dont seems well to me alr.
Friday, November 23, 2007 8:30 PM

woke up at 720am and i reached sch at 8am. AHHA. so amazing right? i took 40min in total to eat, change, tie hair and travel. ahhaa. obviously its cose my father fetch me to sch today also. ahha. but bcose its always abt the same time as his working time, and he have to fetch his colleague to work so i always end up reachin sch very very early bfore trg even start-.- previous time was later. like 810am and huimin was there. this time nobody was there. so ended up i have to sms ppl to faster cme. HAHAHA.

the balls and poles are like taken out by me? though farah kinda helped? lucky i not so stupid to go keep the poles and balls again. HAHAA.

then ran outside 2rounds again. my knee kinda hurt alot lahh. as in i always get bruises ard my knee for i-dono-wat reason at all. and since bruise is internal bleeding, i suspect i have internal bleeding everytime i run. HAHAHA. crap right? its like wenever i run, i'll feel the coldness or like something drippin frm my knee? its jus weird lahh.

then was stairs. kept jumping down instead of walkin down. but its fun lahh. i always do tat wen im in a rush. in pri sch is worst. like dono how many stairs left i jus hold the handle and jump all the way down. HAHA. mayb tats how i get those knee pains bahh.

then pair ball, team ball and defending stuffs. today abit off form again siia. or should i say too tired? abit blur today-.- today team ball ppl also keep droppin balls. all weird weird de today.

then was 1/3 court and end of trg? theres a prob in my elbow alr. i tink its bcose i kept hitting balls away instead of catchin them. the impact of the ball hitting my hand is too big i tink. like today defending stuffs, i hit the ball alr my elbow damn pain. like turn the other way like dat. even sometimes wen i bend my elbow too long then i wanna straighten my elbow tat time i cant. cose the bone will like one on top one below. aiya. i dono how to say. i only noe i need the other hand to help me straighten my elbow. and its the right elbow lehh. later reali got prob then i cant write not die die?! my handwriting alr ugly enough still use left hand to write it will be worst! HAHA. good luck to me. ahahaa

ms lee gave us the dec holiday schedule after perth trip de. last week holiday for us): i dont want ehh. got nth to do like dat lehh. ms lee say the netball shirts and stuffs will be given tmr. hopefully it look nice? and most imptly is must fit man. dont later too small or too big. and weizhen told us our grpin for tmr. hopefully that grping is able to win evergreen tmr. we are not gona lose to them anymore man. somemore on amkss open hse lose tat will be the worst thing happening. ahhaa.

hopefully the mcs de wont lost or smth. HAHA. and hope they win evergreen too. though they lost to them in national rounds lahh. good luck ppl!(:

tis com doesn like my sis. HAHAHA. everytime she use the com then it will hang. HAHAA. and my stupid asshole sis go change the internet explorer lahh. i rather use the old one. though the new one colour is beta. but it doesn have history! i have to go to my computer there find then can-.- shes an irritatin asshole tat wana fake noe how to use com well man-.-

she doesn noe how to delete virus. then come fake me say delete alr. anyway the msn virus could be deleted lahh! one cme bluff me say i send her then cant delete need reformat-.- then some say need re-dl msn. then some dono wat crap all cme out lahh. it CAN be deleted. only tat its not by scanning ur com through watever virus protection u're using. its deleted by deleting it directly frm the com itself. as in go to the files and delete it. perhaps next time i can go study things on com. HAHAHAA

gooshh, i tink im lackin of slp again):
Thursday, November 22, 2007 7:18 PM

i slept ard 0150 ytd. and woke up at 0805 today. like crap, i didnt wanna wake up but i dont have a choice. HAHA. cose i wanna go sch play netball.

so went to sch. on the way i can practically slp in the bus. meanin im reali very tired man. then reached sch watch the recrea trg. then after tat played street netball. im too lazy too run so.... ahahaa. lose lohh. funny things happened lahh. conversation wif ppl and stuffs.

then recrea trg end weizhen treate us 100plus? actually i have no idea hu paid for the drinks lahh. then did the notice board stuffs. i thot will like end ard 12 so i still can go mcs. but hu noes it ended ard 1230+. but anyway is i donwan go back yet bahh. so yahh, nvm. but still asked the juniors abt their results lahh. those not so good de nvm lahh. as long as dont go VERY lao ya sec sch it will be good for u.

then weizhen and simin was playin pool and im jus day dreamin? aiya, wenever im wif the older ppl im always anti social. unless im very close to tat older person. HAHAHA.

then weizhen treate again for bubble tea? she wants to. i didn wanna drink actually. cose the 100plus alr mke me very full. so bubble tea was my lunch lahh. as usual. then chatted awhile and homed.

bcose i have to meet jackie ong i missed so many many buses on purpose-.- her edusave form was wif me tats why i have to meet her. then meet pass to her they go shop for their stuffs. then they goin amk and so i went home.

my meii bought finish her p1 stuffs. shes goin northland pri siia! dono which CCA she joinin lehh. ahaha. her sch uniform is pe attire. plus its size 30 and i can wear it! HAHAHA. onli tat the length is short but the size is actually ok for me. HAHAHA.

then watch finish my cartoon and went down to cut hair. cut thin only lahh. cose its kinda irritatin at times, though its not long. ahaha. the damn auntie was complainin sayin tat she cut alr got alot hair on the floor. i was like ' not why do i cme to cut my hair-.-' but since she was an auntie lookin person i didn wanna quarrel wif her-.- i should be the one complainin instead lahh. she cut until so pain can-.- asshole. still dare complain. if nxt time still her im so gona SHOOT her back. so now my hair is very thin. feels weird wen tied. HAHA.

then came up bathed and used com. actually wanna pack. but arhh, im too lazy to start. tmr trg in the mornin. need wake up early again): beta slp earlier today if not i'll yawn many times during trg again.

another game badly played):
Wednesday, November 21, 2007 8:45 PM

today woke up by the stupid construction thingy again-.- then went down to buy things and eat. then ard 12+ got one msg came. jackie ong tellin me to go sch at tat time bcose shes in sch alr-.- so early right?! she say she scared late so go so early-.- its abt 2hours bfore. so kia su arhh. HHAHA

then reached sch wait for ppl all come then go le. mrs ong nv follow us(: HAHA. but tis means we have to go back ourselves-.-

so game played one quarter C two quarter WD. all badly played. today off form again. pathetic lahh. plus i dono why my stomach pain. i tink its gastric pain. cose i ate porridge for lunch only. my passes were all haywire. 我好不容易把 ball defend 过来又轻易的把 ball 乱乱丢出去-.- damn them lahh. mke me attitude on court again. but its like, wen haven i attitude on court? today we all played more aggressively. guess its bcose the angmohs contact us so much tat i believe all of us was agitated. i hate it wen ppl play rough. its super irritatin. but play rough is also they at lost. HAHAA

we should have won tis game too. but nvm, at least everybody put in effort in playin. its a beta game played bahh. seems like wen others are performin well, im always off form-.- and i hate it alot. should have a clearer mind on court alr. cose after tinkin abt the game again, i could have use other methods to defend the ball. and many times the ball i could have caught it-.- like wen can i change tat stupid way of play?

one of the umpire for our game was the nsl player in marlins. umpires was still alright. but they nv blow many contacts by UWC.

tmr should be goin back sch to kpo yi xia. ahhaa. then go back mcs kpo. HAHAA. im lookin forward to fri trg and sat game. amazing tat i didn count down for perth trip lehh. mayb bcose too ma fan. need bring tis bring tat. so mayb not tat lookin forward bahh. but im lookin forward to learn more things in perth. HAHAHA

so tats my day for today and tmr(: GOOD LUCK TO THOSE P6s TAT TAKING BACK RESULTS TMR(:

QUIZ AGAIN-.-
12:26 AM

Haizz, since I've been tagged by SzeMin to do this. so;
According to the rules of the theme, people who are tagged must write 7 weird things about themselves and then choose 7 people to tag. Don't forget to leave a comment that says 'you are tagged' in their comments and tell them to read your blog.

1. i can nv stop thinkin abt netball stuffs.
2. i like to observe more rather than tok tok tok.
3. i need something to cover my eyes wen im slpin. even wen its total darkness.
4. im scared of fury living things.
5. i can dont eat for the whole day except for breakfast. even though i exercised the whole day.
6. i can be very noisy and hyper at times and very quiet at times.
7. i can forget things which i rmb 3sec ago.

overall, im dont tink im TAT weird. for the 7ppl, wan do then do. dont wan do, forget it. cose im lazy to tink of the names too.

quiz again-.-
Tuesday, November 20, 2007 11:48 PM

list out the top 5 birthday present that you wished for ;

- nxt year amkss netball teams can get top 4 in nationals

- team to be strongly bonded

- not to have any more pains in knee or ankles

- improve my stamina

- improve my netball skills

answer the questions (:

1) The person who tag you is ?

- Sherylyn

2) Your relationship with him or her is ?

- ermm. frens since p4?

3) Your impression of him or her .

- erm. i dono lehh.

4) The most memorable thing he or she has done for you .

- no idea.

5) If he or she becomes your first lover , you will ?

- ehh, i not lesbo siia.

6) If he or she becomes your enemy , you will ?

- tis will not happen. cose we're teammates(:

7) If he or she becomes your enemy , the reason will be ?

- i said tat wouldn happen lahh.

8) Your overall impression of him or her .

- i dono lehh.

9) How you think people and you feel about yourself ?

- ppl always say i dao or diao them-.- but i tink im more of a second mover.

10) The characters you love yourself are ?

- sry hor, but i dont even LIKE myself.

11) On the contrary , the characters you hate yourself are ?

- For being so useless.

12) For people that care & like you , say something to them about you .

- erm. i dont tink anybody even bothers abt me(:

Pass this quiz to 10 person that you wish to know how they feel ;

1. sze min

2. belle

3. yunni

4. chloe

5. jackie

6. winny

7. clarissa

8. chew ern

9. yanting

10. simin

1) Who is number 6 having a relationship with ?

- HAHAHAHA. i dont noe.

2) Is number 9 a female or male ?

- obviously female lahh.

3) If number 7 and number 10 are together , will it be a good thing ?

- erm, together as fren jiu ke yi lahh.

4) What about number 8 and 5 ?

- they dont noe each other lahh.

5) What is number 2 studying about ?

- wat im studyin abt shes also studying the same thing.

6) Talk something casually about number 1.

- ahaha. she talks alot abt boys. HAHAH

7) Have you tried developing feelings for number 8 ?

- crazy. if i did tat, it will be the worst thing i ever done in life

8) Where does number 9 stay ?

- bishan

9) What colour does number 4 likes ?

- erm. pink?

10) Are number 1 and 5 best friends ?

- they dont noe each other

11) Does number 7 likes number 2 ?

- they dono each other.

12) Does number 1 have pets ?

- i tink if she have pets arhh, the pets will most probably die first. AHHA

13) Is number 7 the sexiest ?

- erm. dono lehh.

crazy manzzzxz~
10:50 PM

ytd my sis didn wanna let me use the fast com. and my ma was using the slower one to do dono wat. so i decided to watch tv instead. SO......

MON
went for trg. run outside 2rounds. first round didn reali felt tired. jackie said i was hyper instead? but second round my knee started to pain. so i was practically enduring all the way again. perhaps the strengthening stuffs do work out a little? anyway im onli doin those wen im free at home. which is kinda impossible for the week.

then was those normal pair passes and stuffs. then tram and australian tram. kinda almost everything do bfore liao. then i cant rmb wat we did alr.

i only rmb after trg we have to wait for mrs ong to tok to the seniors first then was our turn. its like we waited for very very long. until my shirt like dry alr? so its REALI very long.

then after trg, sad case, i go home alone-.- ahhaha. so first thing, bathe. then use com all the way. mapled a while. and lvled. HAHA. but im like so damn slow ok. cose i sian of maple liao. boring~

then i be guai kia help my ma cycle the bic to my uncle hse again. HAHAHA. then took bus frm there back to sch-.- like how many times am i goin back to sch man?

was 30min early-.- i saw two seniors there only. but dont feel like goin forward. so ended up at the foyer. then ppl started cmin and end up everybody at foyer there.

the talk was....actually, i rather my parents not here alr. HAHAH. cose if my meii was there, sure noisy like hell. and she cant sit down not even for A WHILE.

then talk finish liao go hub. then homed.

TODAY
woke up ate then go to sch. sian-.- and i jus realised it ytd tat im goin back to sch everyday tis week-.- SO FAST of me heh? ahahaa.

tis time i wasn tat early. cose i kinda woke up late. ahahaa. then talk was funny lahh. the person dono how to pronouce many many words. its like, claims bcme clams. then all those weird pronounciation came out-.- some i even have to think for 3sec then noe wat she tryin to say.

then after the thingy, went hub again. cose need buy stuffs. so finally bought fbts. buy 2 only. cose i dont find theres a need to buy so many though. then walk ard tryin to find the brand of lip gloss im alr using. but dont have lehh. mayb nv sell liao. HAHA

so went home. suppose to meet my ma at np to buy stuffs. but she TOO slow. reach home ard 3+. then i waited for such a long time until shes done. its alr 5+! waste my time niia.

somemore my cousins at there waitin also. tats worst. but they are playin in time zone so its alright i suppose? then bought all the stuffs i want. the sandals i want are like 69dollars. HAHAHA. my ma say i siao. i see the price i was like '69dollars?!' very loudly. HAHHA. the ppl there was like laughin. HAHHA.

then buy finish liao went foodcourt to eat. then my ma was tokint o my cousin de mother. super duper uper long tok man! from 7 like dat tok until 850 like dat! sian. i was practically sittin there staring into space-.- i should have went home first lahh! stupid me. i until 8+ then thot of goin home myself-.- cose i still need buy stuffs from hse downstairs. but too bad, too late. sure close liao. so i'll continue buyin tmr mornin.

tmr game against UWC. beta win tis time. no trg bfore or after game. HAHAA. so good hor? aahaa. i was sayin tat to weizhen on mon trg and her reply was ' cose cant book court' then i was tinkin 'perhaps the court doesn wan to let us train there' sometimes i find weizhen abit weird weird. HAHAA. cose she sayin things then will like hua zhong you hua. but sometimes i get wat she mean but sometimes i dont. so the sometimes i dont get it tats too bad. mus be more direct. HAHA

okk, so im done wif bloggin. i dont like typin on the slow com de keyboard. need press very hard man. like trg fingers and hand muscle like dat. hand suan si man.

practically busy the whole week.
Sunday, November 18, 2007 5:07 PM

today was boring. woke up ard 12+ then starhub ppl came to repair the tv. and jus nice i was eatin and watchin tv also. the person kept changing the chl until i fed up i donwan watch-.- then after her left watch tv till 4 and used com.

nth special. so finally my ma agree to let me buy more fbts. after ytd night persuasion. or should i say kinda of a shouting kinda persuasion. yahh, even though i have no voice i'll still shout at her. cose smtimes she reali mke my blood boils. its like my sis can buy watever she wants and yet i only ask for things i reali reali need to buy and she don allow. like its very very unfair. so i always take tis reason out to say her and she will agree to let me buy those stuffs. HAHAHA. but its serious tat i need all those stuffs urgently ok.

so im gona be kinda very busy for the week.
MON; trg frm 9-12. then go home bathe, slack awhile then need go back sch hear the talk-.- somemore need wear full sch uniform?! tats worst than goin back to sch at night. my ma's fault. she die die also wan me listen the talk myself. she free also donwan go. irritatin. its like i've no parents at all-.-
TUES; need go back sch for dono wat crap talkin thingy again. so troublesome. then after the thingy i suppose i have to go buy those stuffs needed for perth trip liao.
WED; game with UWC. tis time have to win alr lahh. and amazingly theres no trg. but i rather have trg. ahaha
THURS; goin back sch help with notice board? then goin back mcs to be kpo. HAHAHA. go see juniors results(:
FRI; trg frm 9-12. after tat mayb need go buy things again? no idea.
SAT; amkss open hse. after all the games still need go help the heritage gallery thingy. siann~ let the game last longer so i dont have to help. HAHAA
SUN; packing le bahh?

then mon should be fly liao lohh. those donwan see me de sure very happy arhh. HAHAH. i dont even tink there will be ppl wana see me lahh-.-

so hopefully my schedule for the week goes smoothly. if not die die. HAHAHAA

so u did read it.
4:05 PM

so u did read it and somehow understood wat i meant. but tats not wat im actually tryin to tell u. i didnt even thought of it tat way like how u tink it will end up. as in i didnt though u wanna be with me or watsoever. i KNOW how u feel. i KNOW u don like to word 'i know'. but its true tat i understand. cose i've been through it too. tats why i didn avoided u in the past, even now. if i thought it the way u tink i've thought it, i long ago would have avoided u. i wouldn even have talked to u wen we've been in the same class for years. many ppl told me to not bother abt u. but i did not. bcose i believe u didn tink it tat way. but seems like u still tink i thought it tat way. but no matter wat, its over. those years are over. i still hope we could still be good frens.

like i always say. wenever someone's close to me, it seems like i'll definitely hurt the person. and wen i hurt someone, i'll not feel beta than how tat someone will be feeling! u tink i want to hurt someone close to me? tats why im self-centered. tats why i did not like to tok. then have ur ever thought i'll ever feel scare? i doubt anybody ever thought it tat way at all.

tats why now i've nv started tokin to ur first unless its impt. cose i noe, wifout me in ur life, ur will be much much much happier. but sometimes i asked ur out is jus plainly bcose i reali wanted to see ur. i missed ur alot too. but so wat, like wat u say. seems like everytime theres bound to be something tats gona happen.

perhaps, yahh, all the words and watever i've done hurt u greatly. so im seriously very sorry. the pain i caused u is not much lesser than the pain i've caused myself. im reali very sorry. u did somehow understood me. but somehow u always tink till u misunderstood wat i meant.

im sorry for watever i've done alright.
jus continue on with ur life happily.
if u ever need my help again, i'll definitely be there for u.
and i mean wat i said.

its something i have to clearify even though u may not read it or even tink it another way.
Saturday, November 17, 2007 11:00 PM

i have something i forgotten to say. if u're reading tis it will be good and im sure u noe hu im referring to. perhaps not tat person im actually referring to but hopefully somehow u understands. and if u understands, hopefully u dont tink it the other way. not it'll still be back to the same misunderstanding. if u did not read tis, then perhaps im jus the unlucky one hu always get misunderstood then. i dont mind either way.

tat day tat paragraph of words were not referring to you at all. u got it wrong. and after reading wat u wrote i tink it should be me hu get more worked up isnt it? yahh, i noe im perhaps always very rude. but tats jus how i am. if im nice ur will say im weird or watsoever. then wen im rude ur say i attitude. wat ur wan me to do? tats why i always kept quiet or repeating the same thing over and over again. bcose i jus wan ur to be happy for the day.

tok to them more? bcose they let me feel tat i can be myself. but wif ur, i jus feel weird. as in i have to actually go tink abt wat ur said. tats how im used to have diff grps of frens. even wen i go back i cant call all my frens to actually have a real good gathering. i actually have to split myself up. mke up decisions and stuffs. even go back need so much effort and time. i mke my decisions and wanna ask ur only. but it doesn look like gathering at all. and ur all have diff interest as me. wat i do ur will only tink its stupid, its useless. watever.

i didn say ur were at fault at all. i didn bothered ur is bcose i tink ur together wifout me will be happier. will not dislike them more. its my fault again alright. i shouldn have called diff grps of ppl back ok. nxt time i'll jus try to blend in alright.

wat u said abt her. shouldn u tink bfore u said it out. it'll actually hurt her alot wen she noes wat u said abt her to others. and, aren u like her bfore? she'll also change nxt time. in fact, im sure shes only plain treating u like a real good fren. perhaps she overdo it or smth. but wat abt u. im not tryin to say anything abt u anyway.

i jus hope the misunderstanding will be clear. but if it goes deeper i have nth else to say. meanin u nv did understood me at all. not a single bit.

like i predicted, aussies are the champs
10:26 PM

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BELLE ANG KOH SHIN!(:

sry i cant go out today wif u. cose im sick and if i still go out i noe i will anyhow eat de. and if i anyhow eat sure sick cant recover in time. so im sorry i cant go out wif u today. nxt time then meet up bahh. paisehh.

so i woke up at 1 today. cose i was reali reali very tired last night. my whole body was aching bcose im sick-.- then watched tv till 430 then used com till now.

Australia won the world netball championships as i predicted. since they have been winning all games since the start? australian captain Liz Ellis said “You can't let yourself go down at any quarter, you can't let yourself feel the tired legs, you can't let yourself drop at any stage. It's just going to be really consistent, simple netball." yupp, its true tat the consistent ones will win the game. hopefully amkss netballers will be the same(:

i feel terrible.
Friday, November 16, 2007 8:35 PM

gooossshhhhhhh, i feel damn damn damn terrible. throat very pain, cough until my head very pain arhh.

its amazing how i can tahan for the whole trg. so ran 2rounds outside. sprint wif yanting and sherylyn wen nearing the sch.

then was, errr, i forgot-.- aiya, leg work, pair ball, team ball and others. 1/3 court last? i find tat im super hyper doin team ball de lehh. esp square ball.

after trg was the long long long talk by mrs ong. she talk until i wanna slp man. monday one i tink worst. more wanna slp. i wonder hus my roomate lehh. hopefully is someone easy to get along and can entertain me. i donwanna have a bad trip huh.

then ate and went home. its amazing how ppl can forget to bring back their water bottle lehh. perhaps its cose water bottle is impt to me bahh. and weizhen is one of the amazing ppl hu can forget to bring back water bottle. so jackie was practically using my fone to call her dono how many thousand times until she finally ans.

i suppose im gona get fever VERY soon lahh. lucky today runs i still can tahan. not sure asthma attack. wen i wana be sick im not sick. wen i donwanna be sick im sick-.- but as long as perth trip not sick i'll be happy enough.

QUIZ!
Thursday, November 15, 2007 11:45 PM

QUIZ

1. Do the following WITHOUT complaint .
2. Choose 5 people to do this after you completed yours .
3. Leave a tag on the person`tagboard to say he/she have been tagged
4. Start your post with; I have been tagged !

I have been tagged by JACKIE ONG.

FAVOURITES
Favourite Colour: green lohh. everybody noes. HAHA
Favourite Food: chocolates(:
Favourite Movie: forget le. long time no watch siia.
Favourite Sport: anybody hu noe me also noe NETBALL is impt to me than anything else(:
Favourite Day: days wif trgs(:
Favourite Season: singapore onli got one season? HAHA. i dono.
Favourite Ice-cream: as long as its chocolate im ok wif it. HAHA

CURRENTS
Current Mood: very tired, though i jus woke up.
Current Clothes: shirt and pants lohh.
Current Desktop: some netball pictures.
Current Time: 8.23pm
Current Surroundings: living room.
Current Annoyance: my sickness):

FIRST
First Best Friend: Welyn?
First Lie: how i noe? i lied so many times to my parents. HAHAH
First Music:dono lahh

LASTS
Last drink: plain water
Last Car Ride: bus ride counted ?
Last Crush: nobody lahh.
Last Phone Call: i tink its my mother. too many ppl used my fone so i have no idea.
Last CD played: how i noe?

Have you ever dated one of your good friends: abuden.

Have you ever broke the law: wat kinda law?

Have you ever been arrested: erm. dono lehh

Have you ever been on TV: why would i even be on tv?

Have you ever kissed someone you don't know: obviously not lahh.

Random
5 things you are good at: being sick physically. eating chocolates(: netball perhaps? having pains all over. quareling wif ppl. HAHAHA
4 things you've done today: trg, eat, use com and slp.
Things you can hear right now: tv sound and ppl tokin lohh.
5 People to tag: anybody lahh. i lazy to tink alr.

today.
11:25 PM

woke up at 8. wahhsehh. very tired lahh. but still have to wake up-.- so reali, im sick): sore throat plus cough. die die. went to my meii sch collect her guaduation certificate. then went back sch to collect my books.

THANKYOU CHLOE TAN HUIMIN FOR UR BOOKS ARHH! HAHAHA. help me save money lehh. but arhh, its si bei heavy somemore its paper bag. i scared tear siia. actually wanted to train awhile de. but since weizhen didn cme so forget it. cose their trg super slack plus super nobody.

so went back to mcs. stupid security guard say only can go foyer. tis time we not so stupid le. cme so early only can go foyer?! dream on man. so we jus walked to canteen. saw some juniors. tok awhile they go for rehearsal.

then we walk ard the sch lohh. walk until tired le then me, belle and desiree went 6f classroom. they watchin ghost movie. they very irritatin lehh. not scary they also shout. WAHHPIANGG EHH. idiotic siia.

then was their mt period. they all kana chased out of classroom. ahaha. so we went to pick dua pai devika darmin up. then went walkin ard the sch again.

then tired le waited for jing xun to come. she come wif another girl plus boy siia. ahhaa. somemore the boy waited outside while we were enjoying ourselves inside the sch. HAHA. sad for him lahh.

then eat chips. since monique gave it to us. then waited for jiamin. then cme le wanna go find tchers but they were too late. tchers all dono die go where le. HAHA. so we went down to play netball instead. but we chatted first lahh. abt netball though. HAHAA

miss those times together at the netball court man. me, jing xun and jiamin was comparing skin colour. HAHA. im still the white one. HAHAA. and they've grown man. gooshh, short me): but netball skills im still beta than jing xun and me and jia min is still the same. HAHA. jing xun cant aim properly where to throw wif one hand man. sad case for her. some schs doesn train one hand.

then ard 3 like dat went j8. reach there first person i saw, janice. ahaha. then saw clarissa. they were working there. then since frens so buy from them lohh.

then went mac eat. ate ice cream only lahh. since i wasn hungry. then chatted. ard 430 went back. jiamin is still as childish as ever. HAHA. cose we were goin to the toilet and we're like practically running pulling each other shirts to be in front. AHHAA. we're always like dat.

i hate it wen u're actually in a girl sch in the past and jus bcose u have stead alr then changed so much u noe. seriously it sucks alot. stop being so lian lahh pls. girl sch still tok abt wat white shirt watever shit. ur don have mehh? wahh lao ehh. somemore everytime is ur pangsehh me i didn even say anything. then today i only tok more to them and ur like so bu shuang. i seriously dono wat kinda frens do i actually have. smtimes they even take me as subsitutes to their sec sch frens and they dont noe it at all. i seriously hate it wen its like dat.

then after eatin jiu went home le. bathe and slept. HAHA. very tired lahh. slept from 5plus till 9plus. then woke up ate medicine. and used com. seriously i didnt eat much today. breakfast was only milo. then ate chips and ice cream in the afternoon. at night not a single thing. amazing me(:

theres trg tmr. gooshh, i scared i cant run. my ma cursed me to have asthma attack tmr-.- idiot siia. but hopefully i dont lahh. hopefully everything goes fine tmr. ahaha. and my ma gona go sch buy books tmr. dont ask me carry home can liao. today i had enough of carryin the bag ard man.

thankyou for tat miracle(:

long long post.
Wednesday, November 14, 2007 10:29 PM

wanted to blog ytd but my sis wanna use the com and i shall be the goodie to rang ta use the com. HAHHA. plus i was VERY tired. the post gona be very long cose i have many things to say. HAHA. and donwan read also i dont care. so dont come complain composition hor. HAHAA

tues over night at ahma hse. tired man. the whole funeral stuffs. the whole hse was actually flooded wif those small kiddies. super noisy. they small small but bathe damn bloody long.

slept ard 2plus then woke up ard 6plus. then cose very tired i sit until slp. HAHHA. then woke up again at 10plus. i dono if im slping. cose my aunts all chao until si bei irritatin. noisy like hell lahh.

then again ard 1230 was the chu bing stuffs. all the way till abt 230? then eat liao i rush rush rush wanna go up. then they cme tell me cant go up. wahhpiangg. waste my time. not i 230 alr can meet the others lahh!

so wen can go up the time my ma say cant enter ahma room. then i dono which ahma room she was tokin abt and so i jus enter. HAHAH. so good luck to me yahh.

then i rushed all the way to bishan since the board not specific enough for me. HAHAH. then reach there was abt 4?

then tried the shoes and stuff. shoes very very weird. i dont like the shoes the bhind part. very high then very irritatin. and the design at the front looks weird.

than game against tkgs. we should have won tis game. ohh man, its super pathetic alright. like almost all game we lost except the first game draw-.- how are we even gona mke it to the zonals tis way? goosshhh.

so the game i played 2nd and 3rd quarter. 3rd called for time. cose cheryl said so. HAHA. the umpire asked why i called for time and i jus anyhow say my knee pain. HAHA. actually im suppose to say ankle. cose is my ankle pain and not knee pain man. actually didn wanna call for time cose my ankle still not tat pain. but since i was tired and cant reali catch up so time bahh. i donwanna lian lei the team in playin the game man.

then actually 3rd quarter we were leadin? no idea. cose ppl said so so i guess it is. cose we score more in 3rd quarter. but supposingly its bcose of fourth quarter we lost? not sure. cose the fourth quarter was reali......ppl were like practically crowding at the area where the ball is. ok, im not sayin tat we ppl played badly ok. tis game is much a beta game lahh. so i said we should have won them.

i played much beta in tis game. but still have to improve on my defending. super sucky lahh. many times i could have gotten the ball but i did not ok.

ok, so after the game we had to go back ourselves. ahhaa. took 171 wif the other. actually can take all the way home siia. HAHA. but it will take a long long long time man. so went newton take mrt back to amk.

i was practically calling on my way to the bus stop and in the bus lahh. cose during trg i suppose my ma called me. i only realised wen weizhen told me. but too late. she hang up so i didn wanna bother. cose i was scared i have to go back siia. HAHA. so after everything ended i called her but no one pick up-.- scare me again. cose if they nv pick up means they still at the funeral there. then means i'll get scolded. so i told jackie i didnt wanan go home early. ahah. then in bus i rmb they could be slpin. so i called home and finally my meii ans. HAHA. means im saved(:

then i tokin tat time weizhen dono say wat. seriously im very deaf ok. on court she was sayin smthing also. but i cant hear a word. HAHHA. sorry lahh. seriously if u wanna tok to me on court u have to shout VERY loud. as in the volume i shout on court. HAHA. cose i cant hear a word de. then if i turn back and lip read also cant. cose scared ball cme and i cant see! HAHAH. okk, tat was stupid.

then take mrt also alot ppl. so kinda miss many mrt. then in mrt the conversation all super funny. then at amk qinyu went off. left me, jackie, jiajia and cheryl. we went to eat. and since cheryl de bf haven cme so she say she go wif crazy ppl first-.-

CHERYL TREATE US FOOD EHH! HAHAHA. we all shocked tio. she repeated two times and i still huh? then jackie was like askin her to repeat 10 times and jiajia was speechless. HAHAHA.

then eat finish bus-ed home. at home bathe then used com. super duper tired. feel like gona sick anytime.

then my ma say i have to babysit. HAHA. babysit my meii lahh! babysit other ppl i will die. so will the baby. HAHAHA. but after tat my meii wanna follow my ma so i dont have to babysit le. HAHA.

i finally noe the reason of having frequent headache
Tuesday, November 13, 2007 12:52 AM

my sis jus reached home and straight away said i have to be present on tues. like wen did i say im not goin?! i onli thot of not goin but i didnt say im not goin right. though i did call them many times to ask if i can dont go but i alr said im gona be a guai kia and listen to them for this once. if i want to rebel against them i can jolly well jus heck care wat others will say and go do watever i wan. but i did not. they didn understand tat at all yet they said they understood how i felt.

i finally noe why im having frequent bad headache. its bcose of all tis tats happening. wen they are not at home and wen theres someone to jus tok to me i dont have the headache at all. and wen they jus came home and tell me those stuffs i straight away have the bad headache again.

like they nv ever noe how i felt yet they always said they noe. nobody noes the real reason why i always didn go for the funeral at night. perhaps im not sure myself either. i jus lie to myself tat its bcose im bored there. but the actual reason is not tat at all. the actual reason is im scared tat one day the person lying in there is someone reali closed to me. but they dont understand it at all. mayb this time i do admit tat im young.

i noe everyone tinks im strong or watsoever. i dont care how ppl tink. perhaps tis my first and last time ever posting real feelings. bcose i reali want them to read tis. but i noe all tis will nv ever happen. i jus hope i'll be strong enough to bear tis two days.

ppl hu ever read tis, jus pretend ur didn see anything alright. dont cme ask me anything or watever. it will not be entertain and i mean it. btw, i thank those hu talks to me at night to entertain me. esp monique(: i noe u'll be reading tis someday. HAHA

god, i really want just one miracle.

i reali wanna get over these few days QUICK.
Monday, November 12, 2007 6:17 PM

i reali wanna get over these few days asap. im reali reali very bored and theres no one at all hu could entertain me.

ytd was horrible. bcose i always nv appear at the funeral there so i decided to stay over at my grandma hse. i slept on the sofa which is so so so uncomfortable. i didn felt like slpin at all. since almost everyone was asleep so i jus slp lohh. slept ard 2plus then woke up ard 4plus-.- then back to slp and woke up at 7plus. then woke up again at 8plus. i give up and decided not to slp anymore. i dont even noe if im slpin can.

seriously i rather be sick now. i reali dont wanna attend all the funeral stuffs. theres practically nth much i can even do. folded the joys paper[?], kneel down, burn the papers. i kneel till my knees cant take it anymore man. feel as those the muscles are tearing or smth. and tues and wed i have to kneel lots of time too. how i wish i can go for netball instead.

even though im kinda in the resting period, my knees and ankles still hurt alot. until i cant slp at night. i dont tink resting will help for my knees anymore. so i guess after wed i'll seriously be back to my netball life. im gona find ppl to pei me go for netball stuffs, provided i can find ppl to pei me huh.

these few days i jus feel like running and wasting all my energy so i can actually fall asleep straight wen i lie on the bed. i dont feel like eatin at all sometimes. but im forced to. and im reali having bad headache every day.

I REALI REALI REALI JUS WANNA GET OVER THESE FEW DAYS QUICK.

whenever i look into the fire i'll start to reminisce.

great, now i cant go for trg either):
Saturday, November 10, 2007 11:48 PM

my mother jus called back to say they are not coming back today. yahh, so im the only one left at home. see how anti-social i am. even wif family im also like dat. amazing huh.

and my mother also told me the tues thingy will start at 1. meaning, i cant go for trg either): sad, perhaps its time for me to rest my knees for this short period of time? mayb. cant rest much though. i tink the funeral tiredness will be worst than netball. but im jus scared tat my stamina will drop even more. tis way cheryl will scold me even more man. sad lahh):

nvm, nvm. i'll look on the bright side. i still can have trg on fri. perhaps thurs go join recrea trg? but wifout seeing cheryl for the week feels weird. cose i did not get to hear her scold ppl. or perhaps i should say me. haizz.

now i do wish to be sick for this few days. anyway i tink i will be sick sooner or later. i've been having those bad bad headache again very frequently. and i always felt like slpin. perhaps its bcose i reali wanna run away from the reality.

i dont wan my parents to be in a difficult position so i tink i'll not try my best to turn up for trgs and the game. sorry ppl.

im feeling confused. i would like to run away from reality all over again pls.
9:03 PM

i was told to wake up early in the mornin cose my grandma jus passed away. but ended up reachin tpy at 9+?

had those funeral stuffs. bcose its my father's side grandma i had to do many many things. im onli QUITE free on sunday and monday. i was told not to go for tues trg. but i insisted on goin and kept askin till my parents was fed up wif me and jus let me go. but i tink it will be very rushing. cose i want to go for trg and trg ends at 6 then i have to rush back home to bathe then rush back to tpy for the ritual thingy. i got the bad feeling im gona get scolded on tat day. plus my parents say they are gona walk here and there? meanin i'll actually be very tired. cose it's after trg. and normally after trg my knees and ankles will undergo hell-.-

but im not gona care. i alr cant go for wednesday game! i reali jus wanna forget abt everything. though i did not cry for the funeral. but the feeling jus felt weird. though my grandma wasn close to me, but it jus felt reali weird wifout seeing her face. many ppl cried though.

the whole process. from which the body was being carried into the coffin. i saw it all. but i didnt noe why wen the coffin cover was being knocked tightly in, i had the urge to cry. but obviously i held back my tears.

i reali jus wanna have a nice and fun trg to let me forget everything. netball is the only thing i can do to forget everything alr. i jus feel confused, like everything is happening again. i dont noe why i felt tat way too. perhaps i feel reali very lonely. i wan someone to pei me but i've no idea hu can pei me at all. i jus feel.....i dono. perhaps i jus wanan have someone to tok to.

seems like the whole hse gona be mine for the whole night. cose i dont feel like goin to the funeral tonight. theres no use for me to go there at all.

so, abt netball, i've no idea wat to do at all. even abt the team shoes, if they get it on monday perhaps i'll still be able to go. though my parents will be nagging and scolding. im used to it anyway. cose i noe they dont understand how netball is impt to me. tues i'll be telling mrs ong i wont be able to go for game bahh. hopefully she doesn give me hell on tues. after wednesday i tink i'll be back to my normal life. perhaps i still kinda lucky tat my grandma pass away bfore the perth trip. if not i dont even tink i can go for the perth trip alr.

now i know how it feels like to have someone with you when you cry.
i wish there was someone there for me too.
and i promised i'll be there for anybody whenever they need me.

i kinda do wanna go see doc again lehh
Friday, November 09, 2007 10:25 PM

i kinda want to go see doc for x-ray again lehh. but i scared if theres nth wrong then i'll be wasting money. but if i dont go see then ownself do those strengthening exercise arhh, if there is a prob in my knee aren i mking it worst?

but all those enduring pain trgs i tink alr mke my knee worst liao. wen i bend my knee can hear loud cracking sounds. and those cracking sounds are mking me more pain. but i noe if i tell my parents to let me go see doc they sure ask me quit netball. so wat am i suppose to do? even resting for a long period of time doesn work out for me anymore.

i've been double posting almost everyday? perhaps im too bored. cose im too lazy to go to the hospital. yeahh, i noe im bad. but i don feel like walkin anymre.

i've no idea if i made u fall sick. if i reali did, im sorry.
see, i told u. leaving me alone will mke u happier. aren u?

first time ever i run wifout feeling the floor.
6:34 PM

tis mornin didnt noe why i jus wanna wake up even though i was still very sleepy. then had breakfast and my father fetch me to sch for trg.

then ran 12rounds wif timing within 15min. everybody came back bfore 13min. so its not bad le bahh. then the nxt time we run have to increase to bfore 12min. i dont even tink i can do it. cose wen im running the first 5rounds, from my knees below theres no feeling at all. esp my feet. totally no feeling at all. i cant even feel tat im actually running. the worst thing is tat though my feet no feeling, both my knees VERY pain. practically from the start of the run im alr in pain yet im suppose to endure the pain for the whole run. its amazing how i can actually do it. cose many times i wanted to give up but the whole team is doin the same thing and theres no use for me to rest at all. every run i will actually feel the same. onli tat some runs tend to be even more pain.

after tat i practically drag my leg to walk the whole round. if i can i rather use my hands to walk-.-

then after stretching still have those relay running thingy. its the first time ever in trg i didnt felt like doin anything at all. cose my leg reali buay tahan alr. and weizhen kept askin if im ok. then cant reali look at her to answer. cose i noe i'll give in if i look at her to answer. if i did, the whole enduring will be wasted. so, sorry for being rude(:

then after tat had full court circuit trg. i almost broke my left knee while jumping on one leg. pathetic me. cose my knee was bend then suddenly went all straight and almost fell. im aiming to touch the net wen i still in sec sch. HAHAA. im also aiming to touch the heritage gallery the doors there the wall wen im in sec2. HAHA. cose now i alr ALMOST gona reach it le.

then was some pair ball passes. aft tat day's scolding seem like not much ppl dare to pair wif the same ppl alr. by changing partner every trg isnt called bonding at all.

then was those drills and team ball. then was a full court dono wat. dont reali noe how to explain lahh. but the five of us got punished to run and we didnt realised it was a punishment at all-.- tat whole drill thingy we kinda anyhow do it lahh. so kana punished also ying gai de. and its the first time weizhen punish ppl by askin to sprint one round lehh. so we actually thot is was warm down? then came back end up sprint another round. cose it was a punishment.

then came back haven even rest warm down 2laps. then mrs ong showed us our jersey. kinda weird actually. cose its quite seldom i see netballer wearin tat kinda jersey to games lehh. but doesn matter i suppose. and lucky its shorts not skirt. then fill in some perth trip thingy. then end trg liao.

mrs ong pen gone missing and shes tryin to blame it on me since i lend her my pen-.- crap right? but i rmb onli jiamin used her pen wat. so i jus said it was jiamin lohh. then end up jiamin had to return her another pen.

i dont even felt like goin home after trg. wanted to practice more. but sad case nobody can pei me-.- so pathetic huh. everybody need to go home-.- and jackie was telling me i can go practice wif weizhen. although trg ended i still treate her as a coach. so its kinda no way i can actually practice wif her. i still prefer mcs where theres somebody to pei me practice more after trg ended. and nicer seniors. dont have to scared senior will dislike us. or perhaps i should say the seniors alr dislike us. wen we did even do anything to them. weirdos~

then wen opp sch there slack slack yi xia. then homed and bathed. i was very very tired and felt like slpin so jus slept for 4hours? even though theres construction goin on jus above my room. amazing huh? so noisy i still can slp. but i was seriously very tired and my knees and ankles hurt alot. i jus wanan forget abt the pain and go to slp.

then woke up and im using the com now. perhaps goin hospital to see my grandma? if not im gona do research on some stuffs.

reflection dont seem to be reflection to me.
Wednesday, November 07, 2007 11:00 PM

my reflection tat is suppose to be handed in doesn seem like reflection to me at all lehh. sounds so informal lahh. plus my brain is gona burst anytime. having bad headache yet still need to tink. plus i dono why my body temperature is goin up. whole body feels so warm. hopefully i dont fall sick. i tink i'll rewrite my reflection tmr in a more formal way.

i hate myself.
8:41 PM

i dono wen i'll ever perform well on court again. its alr the third game and im still not performing well enough.

so yahh, we lost the game. no idea wats the score. i played like dono wat again. but i jus got tat feeling its actually a little beta than the first few games. perhaps bcose i didnt have as much scoldings as bfore? but not reali tat.

i tink its my first time actually feeling the pain on court alr. no idea why. but i actually was limping at the second quater. i dont tink anybody saw it at all. tats why i got scolded. but nvm. i do admit tat my stamina is pathetic. 2quaters also cant last heh.

so the game seriously ended very pathetically. actually i dont reali noe wat to type and say at all. im kinda confused.

i was expecting somebody to call us to reflect. as usual like wat coaches always does wen we lost to a strong sch and we played badly. i was also expecting someone will cry. cose practically mrs ong and cheryl are like scolding shouting.

is crying even a crime? mus mrs ong like order ppl to stop crying in tat kinda tone? she do noe tat she isnt playin up to standard. but it isnt her fault at all. i believe she wanan play properly too. its her first few time on court wif taped knees. its actually not tat easy to overcome tat kinda pain. besides many ppl are like sliding here and there? we also wana sprint but the shoes aren allowing us to. we will practically slide all the way wen we actually sprint. landing hard do kinda help. i tired, but my knees dont reali allow me to do tat. both my knees alr hurt on court. not onli right knee now.

actually i kinda have many things to ask instead of say. so seriously i have no idea wat to type anymore. i jus noe im on the verge of giving up alr.

at home, i cant show im actually in pain. so tat my parents wont be worried. in sch, i cant show im in pain also. ppl may tink tis fake, mrs ong or coaches will definitely ask me go see doc again which is equal to wastin money on my stupid knees. but in the first place i dont even tink my parents will allow me to go see. they will jus ask me to quit the game, but like im allow to? and i'll definitely be asked to rest which is something i dont wanna do at all. i actually kinda scared i wont be able to play netball again. cose i actually have a nightmare abt it. nahh, i dont tink anybody will understand at all. i onli noe if i dont perform well again, i tink i'll reali give up alr.
irealihopetherewillbeamiracleforme.

hospitalised is nv a nice thing.
Tuesday, November 06, 2007 11:24 PM

today i was woken up by the stupid construction thingy again lahh!!! WAHHPIANGG. i wanna stay at home slp also cant. i rather they not upgrade the lift man. since my hse is alr at lift lvl. HAHA. evil me. i dont mind they upgrade but can they STOP DRILLING?! noe wonder im gettin headache so often these few days. damn the drillings lahh. fan si wo.

i ended up wakin at 9am. tried to slp back by blasting music into my ear. but got woken up by my mother-.- to ask me if im goin hospital together wif her. no choice have to wake up alr. gooshh, i tink one day my eye balls will drop out man. i've been rubbing my eyes alot lately. tis shows i cant get my contacts by tis year lahh! crapp, my eyesight is increasing. sooner or later i cant see as clearly as bfore on court alr lahh.

then ate went lib borrow books since i didn wana entertain the com any longer plus im sure i have nth to do in the hospital. then off to the hospital. my ma totally dono the new novena man. my goodness. square 2 bcme u2-.-

so my grandma seriously looks so 憔悴. and i actually thot of how i'll actually look like wen i grow older o.O she had senile and now shes having asthma and preneumonia. gooshh, she reali cant breathe properly man. she actually suppose to transfer to ICU for puttin of tubes into her throat. but my aunts and uncles dont allow. cose the tube was VERY big. plus it will mke her more 辛苦): the more i look at her the more i tink i will end up in a much worst state than her.

then at nitex more ppl came. then suddenly got ppl say wat my grandma gona die. then ended up EVERYBODY in the family came. which is enough to flood the whole lvl in TTSH-.- shows how big the family is and how filial they are. she looks more weak then in the afternoon lahh. some actually did cried. i wonder wat if...forget it.

she actually alr did overcome many obstacles in her life alr. cose its not the first time i've been to TTSH. i can alr tell where is where. shes alr 81 tis year. i tink she wants to take a rest too. cose...ok, why am i sayin all tis. its my family matters.

so i stayed in the hospital for the whole day. besides the part at nitex wen i go eat. stay till9++. meanin from 3++ i've been readin till 9++. my eyesight sure gona increase soon.

though i've been readin, but im not reali concentrating. cose im actually tinkin of tmr's friendly. like it actually mean alot to me. cose it actually shows where our team standard is at now. and im kinda tinkin of how to tell them the combi i have in mind to try out. but im not the coach, so i dont have to right to choose hu to put on court. so i've decided im not gona tell.

im sure tmr's game gona be REAL fast. cose they are all ppl hu have lots of speed and stamina. plus they are experienced players. most of them played at nationals lvl many times. cose practically, i noe most of them. so since i noe them, i should noe how to overcome it.

i jus hope tmr i can steady down. dont be like last year. the game wif kellock actually could have won. but bcose of me, we lost it. me and my limping leg. me and my lack of confidence. and the game wif st.margs. their game on court is very fast. mkin us more nervous and tinkin we're lackin of time so we goes faster and soon, the passes go hairwire. so we have to bear it in mind; play OUR game tmr, not theirs. if we cant play it at their speed, play our own game.

clarissa said hougang tat captain is now IJ de center. so if i did played C i should noe how to defend her alr. cose we played wif hougang bfore and we won them. and jus nice she was the attacker and i was the defender. i always suay suay zhong captain of the team as attacker de. but im sure her way of play should have alr changed. since her coach now is coach mun, the damn fierce and scary one which scared everybody on court.

i dont tink i should tink so much. scarely i wont even get to play. HAHAHA. but if i did get to play i mus steady down tis time. timings mus be right alr. no more off timing for me. cool down and relax~

ohh. and, though we might not win tmr's match, we mus fight hard and not get thrash by them.

another thing realised.
Monday, November 05, 2007 11:16 PM

i jus realised, no matter how tired i am, be it physically or mentally, i still wan to have trg everyday. like i dont noe why. hopefully i can get it off my mind. i tink im like those proud ass tat always wanna win man. goosh, ive always hated such ppl. and now im actually like dat.

i have to get this in my mind; ALL MATCHES ARE NOT ABOUT WINNING, BUT ABOUT THE PROCESS AND ALL THE EXPERIENCE GAIN.

my skills and everything is droppin year by year.
9:38 PM

today's game we are suppose to win. but sad case, we lost): i still did not show her i actually CAN be worked out as a defender. im jus a total useless piece of shit lahh. i cant defend and attack. like perhaps one day i shld change a CCA huh? i totally hate myself lahh. like seriously wen can i ever excel real good at ONE thing tat i reali wanted? or izzit my expectation too high? i dont tink so at all lahh. i jus wana be back my self tat can be worked out ON COURT no matter wat position i play.

guess i seriously have to work extra hard to get a FIX position. or not i dont tink anybody noes how to put me on court): like today, first quater C. then GD, then WD and then back to C. like seriously i cant guess wats on their minds anymore man. but still, IF i did not interpret wrongly, i tink its bcose of my knees. like, i did not want tat to happen either. if i could turn back time i would have took care of myself MORE.

but i still tink tat we should not have lost today's game. like, we've won them bfore right? if i didn rmb wrongly lahh. ahaha. i tink i played like dono wat today. timings all OFF again. like wen can i cool down? and stop lettin emotions overwhelm me? guess seriously i still need someone to shout at me huh.

today i onli thot of winning and proving to her i could do it. like i dont tink im suppose to tink it tat way. perhaps i should start takin things more easily. and not gettin easily agitated on court? but actually tats how i get energy to continue.

i STILL tink the team needs more trg. those SERIOUS ones. and short full game at the end of trgs? not i dont tink we will even mke it to zonals! cose it kinda seems like we're changing to south zone? which have MANY strong teams.

i tink im tinkin TOO much. but still, i tink im a PATHETIC ASS LAHH!

weekend is always so boring.
Saturday, November 03, 2007 1:15 AM

goossshhh. im startin to hate weekends alot heh. cose its like i onli stay at home use the com, eat, slp. tats all. nth much at all.

so i woke up at 12. went down to eat. then came up, used the com. then iced my knees. cose i dono wat went wrong wif my knees and both knees actually hurt alot. so i decided to ice lohh.

then mapled all the way. lvled again. then start to ice my knees and ankles. cose my knees start to pain AGAIN. ankles are forever painful lahh. im gettin lazier. sooner or later i'll stop icing again. cose its super troublesome lahh. but if i dont, i actually have to cry myself to slp-.- haiz, sometimes i jus wished to chop off my legs man.

practically im home all day alone. so theres nth nice for me to tok abt at all lahh. tmr will also be the same i suppose. onli tat there will be someone at home instead.

my sis is askin me to church again. their activities. i hate goin like all of a sudden lahh. cose i dono anybody there then its like so weird.

hopefully theres someone to entertain me asap. or either jus take away my weekends and let all be trgs and matches. i dont mind at all(: i rather be running ard then sittin in front of the com. entertainin it instead of me being entertain by the com.

trg was ok.
Friday, November 02, 2007 11:07 PM

today woke up so early. but i wasn the first to wake up yet im the first to be ready to leave the hse. how slow can they get?

so as usual the 806 bus was flooded wif ppl. but the 851 aren tat flooded. i can predict wen a person gona alight man! HAHAA. and one stupid guy came sittin bside me and sat on my bag the stripe instead of on the seat only-.-

wen is o lvl gona end? we got chased out of the toilet by mr ong. HAHA. cose we were mkin a din in the toilet. amazing huh? obviously he cant cme in.

trg run two rounds outside and two rounds inside. i tink i got to push myself more in the runs. but at least i managed to sprint for the last round inside? so today's run wasn tat dead. then did those push ups, crunches all these. then was relay kinda thing. weizhen always says theres forfeit but there always aren. which is good! ahaha. anyway its not fair. since many of us did not even do correctly. so if theres forfeit sure there will be ppl complaining.

then pair ball and stuffs. then some court work all these bahh. then trg ended very fast. seems fast to me since most of the time many of us are resting. ohh, and jiajia twist her ankle? her reaction was big man! perhaps its bcose its her first time bahh. but my first time sprainin ankle reaction wasn tat big at all. instead i was laughin away. cose ppl kept mkin me laugh lahh. seems like many ppl haven been to sinseh bfore ehh. ahaha. she beta take care of her ankle bfore her ankle turns out like mine now.

supposingly saturday and sunday i'll be at home mapling again huh. boring lahh.

theres match on monday. against RVHS ehh. ms puva sch. sian diao. tink of her mkes me wanna quickly get on court to thrash her sch. no idea why am i tinkin like tat though. but i bet if its other of my last year teammates they would wan to do tat also. cose wen she aren our coach we alr dislike her ALOT. we always wan to perform beta than the other sch she teaches. ahaha. i don wanna see her either. somemore need see her two times tats worst-.-

enough of those biased kinda thinkings. if not i bet i'll be very rough on court in tis way. but still, i'll play the game fair of course. perhaps more contact? ahaha.

fugging irritatin.
Thursday, November 01, 2007 10:30 PM

woke up ate and off. i was late meetin jing xun and megan. ahaha. as usual, im always late lahh. woke up late mahh.

then reach mcs they tell me cant go in. wth-.- pekcek. stupid security guard. they are so gona get it wen i go complain. HAHAHAA. they onli allow us to the foyer-.- wats the use. i wanna go netball court not foyer. stupid ass. mke me go all the way there then tell me cant go in.

end up we spent like 1hour outside mcs there waitin for juniors-.- we are practically shouting at the busstop like thers nobody at all. HAHA. then went novena ate lunch? u will nv want to sit opp megan wen u eat, if u did not get used to her eatin like i-dono-wat. she eat is the very very disgusting de. then after eatin will go mix the left over food. HAHAA. actually tats the fun part goin out wif them lahh. cose they jus do crazy things like nobody's business. not like sec sch. they dont do such things. even using hand to eat chicken they comment so much-.- i still prefer spending time wif pri sch frens and sec sch some of the ppl niia.

then we have nth to do and decided to go monique's hse. she dono wat kinda hse she live in-.- end up its a terrace. shes RICH but she dont look RICH. ahahaa. cose shes broke and need ppl to pay for her lunch yet shes living in a terrace. plus her shoes have lots of ventilation. HAHAA.

played card there. jing xun is another crazy ass lahh. she laughed throughout the whole game and nv win at all-.- is normal for her though. u see her play speed will be much much WORST. laugh non-stop. then sian liao we watch tv lohh.

ard 6.30 went hme. took taxi to jing xun hse. not i pay so i dont mind. HAHAHA. then went opp to take 851 to interchange then blahh blahh.

reached home ate cup noodles. kana scald a little by the hot water-.- then wanna kana pissed off by my ass hole sister. fugging irritatiin lahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!! idiotic ass. i cant stand her. HOW OLD IS SHE ALR AND SHE STILL DONO HOW TO TINK OF OTHERS?! wtf. seriously very irritated. shes jus a fako idiot. IRRITATIN LAHHHHH. PISSED~

so i decided to go bathe and back to quarreling for the com wif my sis. HAHAAA. all along it was abt using the faster com rather than the slow one. HAHAA. its always like dat. but if i was her, i would have worked during the holidays and gotten a lap top instead-.- shes jus a brainless creature hu onli noe how to go out and play.

i give in to her and used the slow one instead. nxt time no more giving in. i'll jus off the switch and mke all her files go missing. i mean it and i'll do it.

tmr trg in the mornin. i bet i will yawn more than usual. HAHA. its normal for me no matter how fun the trg is. i wan trg to last longer actually. cose end at 12 and i donwanna go hme SO EARLY. can anot arhh? i tink if i suggest tat, ppl will kill me instead. so hopefully i wont be late tmr.