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“Take up one idea. Make that one idea your life - think of it, dream of it, live on that idea. Let the brain, muscles, nerves, every part of your body, be full of that idea, and just leave every other idea alone. This is the way to success, that is way great spiritual giants are produced.” Swami Vivekananda
“Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.” Steve Jobs
“The truth is incontrovertible, malice may attack it, ignorance may deride it, but in the end; there it is.” Winston Churchill
I really don't understand...
Friday, November 22, 2013 2:14 PM

After 19+ years of life, only at times like this I really ask myself how I managed to pull through all these shit the past 19+ years. Its really overwhelming now. Especially when u know u've got no time to take it easy or take it slow. I really cant understand how I did it. all these years of being so sick. I don't even know whats happening to me now. this is not even anything near the things I've been through. but im really so sick and tired of being like this. being so weak on the inside.

nobody can even understand how much I've been through. being all so sick and weak. I really want this to stop. its enough. I really had enough. sometimes I may have really said everything like its part of my life, that its something normal for me. but no, its absolutely not normal for me. I say it like I don't even give a damn. but I do. im really scared and lost. but so what? who cares? ppl will just think u're weak. but in actually fact, when they fall sick, lets just say fever, it might just be the maximum thing they'll get. but for me, fever is nothing. it cant even be compared to the sick I have. the things I go through.

the only way to make myself even feel the slightest bit better, I have to compare to unfortunate ppl. those with major illness. how bad is that? its really pathetic. I don't look like I care was just to let ppl feel at ease. to let my parents feel better. actually, its really pain and torturous.

no warmth, no money, and a very sickly body. I think its the worst combi ever. though definitely much better than ppl with major illness. I've been thinking, what makes me like this? there was only one reason, I was forced to be like this. because of what I've been through. it was too much for me to handle till the extend I don't feel it anymore. it is this bad. if theres no warmth, but money and a sickly body, at least I would not be this stress.

the only reason im this stress to the extend of a breakdown now is this problem. my body is in a mess but theres nth I could do. literally nothing except hoping things will get better the next day. I really hate this helpless feeling. I just want this over. really. please.
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FYP REALLY SUCKS
Friday, November 01, 2013 7:03 PM

First time im blogging on the bus. HAHAHAHA. Cause I have at least 1h more for this bus ride and im really stressed and irritated.

Stress because sch is so overwhelming. Studies and netball. I really didnt expect it to be so much. I guess its mainly cause of fyp. Its also the part where im irritated. Like super?!?!? When ur partner isnt even the least bit worried abt fyp. And here u are, panicking and stressing. Fml literally. I've nv used this word before. But seriously fml. The WORST decision ever I made in my whole entire 19+years of life. WHY DID I DO THIS TO MYSELF?!-.- I should really have expected it.

Netball isnt that stressful/tough/tiring now. But its still time consuming. Though its REALLY the ONLY time I feel relaxed now. Really super thankful for my teammates. Actually I really have no idea how I'll have to survive through this last sem without them. I would really have broke down super lots of time alr. Shit, my english is jialat. HAHAHAHA. Ok, my brain cant really work properly alr. 8am-6pm sch is no joke. Esp when u have to wake up at 530am and only end ur day at like 1am?!

I think poly really is a test of patience and endurance. I never knew I could endure all this kind of shits. I guess intern was also part of a process to this kind of endurance. Though intern isnt as bad. But I really experienced work life. The politics and the tiredness and also the most impt part, human congestion. Not that I dont experience it during sch, but mrt in the morning is REALLY DAMN BAD. No joke.

Actually I've asked myself this qn many times, throughout thia 3years, do I really have any real lsct friends? Obviously besides george. The only answer I get is, perhaps one. Its quite sad I think? Half my day/week is definitely spent with lsct ppl. But I just dont get it. Will these friendships even last?
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