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“Take up one idea. Make that one idea your life - think of it, dream of it, live on that idea. Let the brain, muscles, nerves, every part of your body, be full of that idea, and just leave every other idea alone. This is the way to success, that is way great spiritual giants are produced.” Swami Vivekananda
“Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.” Steve Jobs
“The truth is incontrovertible, malice may attack it, ignorance may deride it, but in the end; there it is.” Winston Churchill
Pain.
Sunday, March 29, 2015 7:06 AM

Ever since im 20, i definitely got more scoldings from being sick. Who gets scolded FOR being sick? I guess im the only one. Cause once im sick, my parents have to spend a bomb. Im blamed for being sick. Cause i dont take care of myself. But do u know even if i do, I'll still fall sick? Its in me alr. To be sick at least once every few months. In the past it used to be every year. I cant even rmb the time when im not sick.

But do u even know how painful it is to be this sick? How tough? How tiring? Who wants to be sick? I rather have an external injury or smth rather than being sick. Thats for sure.

My body, really cant take this anymore. Sometimes i think the 32 years old thing might just be true. And i dont mind it being true too. Cause i honestly cant imagine myself being so damn sick when im much older. Even now its so tiring, what abt when im much older? I rather die than to eat meds till i die.

I realised, nobody except urself can be there 24/7 for u. Its just not possible. When u're borned alone its alr the start of being alone. Everything ppl say are just lies. Ppl who say to take care of u forever are also lies. Ppl who say they'll be there forever are also lies. But ppl just say them. Im tired of these lies. All these, it just seems to serve as a reminder to me. Never ever ever trust anyone so much anymore. Nothing good will ever come out of such trust.

Please let me feel better alr. I've still got another 11 years. At least till the 10th year, not now. I dont want anything to be happening now. Not quite done with life yet.
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Expressing emotions
Wednesday, March 18, 2015 2:49 AM

Actually even if bad/sad things happen, there'll still be something good. If u allow it to. Meaning if u're willing to let it go, and look through another perspective or perhaps just focus on other stuffs. Maybe its running away but maybe its also a form of distracting urself. So that those bad/sad things seems less hurting.

I think i ought to really thank my roomie. Though she'll nv see this and i might nv tell her. Or perhaps she'll only know it on her birthday. When we're both no longer roomies. She really make me feel that i have another friend that really cares. Saying over and over again how proud she is of me even though i barely did anything. That alone, really brighten up my mood. No one ever ever say it to me that seriously before.

And our friendship, i guess its honestly the funniest of all. The weirdest way of communicating and such. Like she really annoys the hell out of me, likewise for her HAHAHAHAH. But we can really just ignore the person. Like she can just go on and on and on trying to annoy me, but i can just continue doing my work like as though nobody is talking. Everytime i think abt it, it seriously just cracks me up.

Im glad i actually knew her and have her as my roomie. Guess i dont have the fortune to have her as a roomie anymore. Unless i tell her this and she'll definitely say yes to illegal squating in a single room. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
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Abandonment
Thursday, March 05, 2015 3:23 AM

If u dont ever want to get abandon, dont ever ever get too close with someone. Unless u're so sure he/she wouldnt leave u behind. Unless u're capable of letting things fade off normally by itself.

I guess im almost quite back to normal alr. No more next time. No more trying to be normal. The wall will be back up. No one is ever coming in anymore. No one at all.

There's a reason why it was like that then. And u only recalled it after going through once again. Havent u learnt ur lesson yet? How many times do u wanna get abandoned again?

No one will be able to take this. Even urself. So just stop. Writing it down is enough. Just stop. Even the windows are to be closed this time. Not even a gap is allowed.

Its the end of a half broken wall. Now its back up stronger than ever.
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