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“Take up one idea. Make that one idea your life - think of it, dream of it, live on that idea. Let the brain, muscles, nerves, every part of your body, be full of that idea, and just leave every other idea alone. This is the way to success, that is way great spiritual giants are produced.” Swami Vivekananda
“Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.” Steve Jobs
“The truth is incontrovertible, malice may attack it, ignorance may deride it, but in the end; there it is.” Winston Churchill
Why?
Sunday, May 25, 2014 12:56 AM

Sometimes theres just so many things I cant understand. Theres just so many things without a real reason. Perhaps thats why I liked science. Cause theres a theory to it. Though also not every cause have a reason behind it. U just have to keep experimenting.

So is this also life? That u have to keep experimenting?

Actually, im really sick of such a life alr.i keep trying and trying but not everything goes well. Or go the way I want it to. Although im REALLY thankful I got into a local uni. At least my efforts were paid off in academics. Though I could really have worked harder....i think? But at least I finally did it. 3 years of stressing myself to make sure I enter a local uni. I finally did it.

But I dont get why netball....i just cant do it. Always hovering around that one/same spot. Not knowing what exactly I should be doing. Or what exactly is going wrong. I try so hard to change, to improve. But just....doesnt seem to go anywhere. Perhaps it really is time to change a focus. Change my priorities. Though I know I alr did. But just not quite.

I just really really want and need that assurance from my coach, from someone whom I really look up to. To tell me at least where am I now? If what im doing is correct. I dont know what to believe it. I tell ppl as long as u work hard, efforts will be paid off or either at least u wont have any regrets. I guess for me, its always the later. Alright, at least I know I didnt regret. Even though the route is REALLY tough. But I'll continue it on once again. I'll try for one last year. I need to go on with my life. Please, let my efforts be paid off this time. Please.

I'll try harder. Even harder. Rmb the things I have to work on. And do it during trgs. Have the confidence, in urself, in ur teammates and ur coach. U've just got to do it. Trust is what u need. Things are going to be fine.

Do what u preach.
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Salvation
Tuesday, May 20, 2014 12:00 AM

I really want to break free from this cycle. No matter how much I try to take care of myself, I'll still fall sick. Why? Why must I go through this? I know it's not as bad as having cancer or whatever. But nobody even cherish my presence. Actually having cancer may even be better. Cause I know whats happening. I know when im dying.

But I know cancer will be way worst. Will be way painful. I really had enough. I wanna get free from all these. Please please stop making me fall sick. Stop making me having the need to go to the doctor. Please help me.

I want to go on. But not with all these problems. Im alr more susceptible than many others. Why do I have even more problems that I have to overcome? Please let me have an easier time. And definitely I thank god for letting me go through 4 months of illness-free days. Besides asthma, which had always been the problem. Though it got worse. And made me put in even more effort for something thats so simple for others. Im thankful that I can still do the things I like and enjoy. Thats all I wished for.

Please let me break free.
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