Decipher the Story of My Life

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“Take up one idea. Make that one idea your life - think of it, dream of it, live on that idea. Let the brain, muscles, nerves, every part of your body, be full of that idea, and just leave every other idea alone. This is the way to success, that is way great spiritual giants are produced.” Swami Vivekananda
“Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.” Steve Jobs
“The truth is incontrovertible, malice may attack it, ignorance may deride it, but in the end; there it is.” Winston Churchill

MY THUMB IS STILL FREAKING PAIN):
Monday, January 31, 2011 12:21 AM

yes, as the tittle says it all. and ya, its dumb. HAHAHA. ppl who play netball should know. AHHAHA. like, have u heard of buddy tapping ur thumb? AHHAHAH. tape with which finger!!!! AHHAHAHA. and oh no, its kinda pain when i catch ball alr. maybe cause they throw hard? i dono. BUT AHHHHHH, I CANT TAKE IT!!! WHEN DID I EVEN INJURED MY THUMB!!!!

AND GUESS WHAT? I INJURED ANOTHER 3 MORE FINGERS ON FRIDAY. YAY, IM SO GREAT. JUST 3/2 BALLS TIME, I INJURED 3 FINGERS. IM SO AMAZED BY MYSELF. now i dont injure my legs, instead, i injure my hands. omgooosssshhhhh. im so gona have out of shape fingers soon. my right pinky alr like some weird finger. HAHAHAH. but friday's trg was funn!!!! HAHAHA. okk, i really hope i get that fun netball feeling back. i really dont mind giving up intensive mind-challenging competitive netball for playing netball for that passion. giving my all for the passion. okk, in a sense, i really want to play for a reason. and with a team who really likes netball. okk, i dont really know what im talking. HAHA.

now, its the senseless posting. HAHAHA. im not paragraphing this part and not identifying anything. HEH. see whose smart to understand. HAHAHA

i really dont get it. ya, i see it in some of u. i dont know if im taking this all too personal or that some of us feels it too. but this feeling really isnt good. i rmb always asking u guys abt how ur felt. then what ur replied us. its feels just so much of a lip service thing u know. i do know some of u really think that way. but..ahh, nvm. i know those reactions was just like jokingly manner. but honestly, at that very moment, i felt so...how do u explain those feelings? i felt as though those memories we had didnt exist at all. all those tough moments we've been through together. it was really hurting. whatmore i just had an unexpected news? no, not that much of unexpected, but more of disappointed news. its was like a double blow. but what could i do? just smile jokingly, taking that all of these didnt happen at all. sometimes, i really dont get it why should i sacrifice my time/money/effort/voice and everything just for u guys. IT WAS NTH ALL THAT IMPT TO ME U KNOW. IT WASNT FOR ME. ITS NOT LIKE I GET ANY BENEFITS FOR THAT U KNOW. but yes, i dont even get a simple thankyou. k, i dont expect it from u guys either. i mean, i dont need a thankyou lahh. i dont want either. k ya, im just ranting again lahh. if not supressed too long will go crazy ehh!! HAHAHA. yeahh, cause im older. i'll continue sacrificing. anyway, its gona be over soon. take it that im learning too! HAHAHA. everything's just about how u think.

k, im done ranting. HAHAHA. but im not done watching my show yet. HAHAH. and im still deciding if i should take the sch bus there instead. BUT, omg, thinking of how lonely i will be, i rather only take it back. k, decided, im going there myself. they forget to bring whatever crap is their business alr. AHHAHA. see how much the teacher learnt. OMGOSHH. HAHAHHA. okok. im concentrating on my show now. HAHAHA.

Back to square
Thursday, January 27, 2011 11:46 PM

everything's back. im back to square. its the same again. if this is a joke, u've really got me. if u are really reading this, yes, i do know u understand im talking about u. but no, dont blame urself if u really read this. i dono if u'll understand what im trying to say.

this is like a feeling i always felt. i mean, honestly, whether or not i get in, its really not all that impt. then impt thing is that i used netball. now, i dont care whose looking alr. or what ur'll be thinking. its me anyway. and if u know me, u'll know this without me saying. im not sad, just very disappointed in myself AGAIN. the netball part mean alot to me. i see it more impt than anything else. u can ask ppl around me if u wanna confirm that fact. just like that week. O lvl results arent as impt as club results. i dono why. perhaps its because i know i wont fare VERY badly. i dono. but i know i got to change how i think abt life. no, i dont feel like paragraphing now. k, just take it that im ranting to myself. cause im skipping here and there. i swear i feel fucking useless. i didnt felt that bad in Os because i won my sis. i dont want to be compared at home. i dont want to make them sad. i dont want to disappoint them. i know they want me to go jc, so that i can get into uni more easily. but ive disappointed them again. no matter how much i hated them, it still matter alot to me how much they see me. i dont want to waste their money anymore. but on the other hand, i really want to stay in where im going to. cause my best buddies are all there. we can be together again. i cant believe mcs is shifting/closing/moving and what not. 6 years there isnt just nothing. my wish will never come true anymore. i miss them alot. just why dont i have fate with her? no, i cant be greedy. at least i can still see ms choo often now. just one day, i will. alright, i'll get everything over soon. just like how i got over dsas. sometimes i really cant believe/understand how i did all these. how i actually managed to cover everything up just with a facade. but i know its breaking. how on earth did i manage my life this way? yeahh, just by getting all metal-up. even someone who knows rather well dont know how to talk to u alr. when will i stand back up with confidence? just when i thought my life was getting better it became like shit again. just when im starting to smile more, im crumbling back down. just when i found back what i lived for, it was taken away from me again. but nvm, i know i'll get back up. i know they're still there. at least i got in there. and i will work harder. i will get in based on my own abilities now. 勉强是不会有幸福的.我不会这么容易被打倒的.再痛我也会忍下去.

好了,我不应该再失落下去了.我看我都能写出一本书咯!

I MUST BE STRONGER.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011 4:29 PM

Yeahh, theres so much happening. everyone's growing up. life's changing. HAHAH. 感触良多,不吐不快. HAHA. i should start studying soon. ok, yeahh, i dont know if i'll enter jc too. but its no longer bothering me anymore. i dont see it as a must to enter. neither do i really want to go poly. so i'll just let god decide this for me i guess. ppl say that jc is tailor made for me. AHHAHAH. what u guys are seeing is just my facade. i do not study for myself. i've tried, but fail. yeahh, i guess not much see the pressure/stress i had during Os. but that doesnt mean i dont have. why must someone show what he/she feels everytime? i dont like that. but no, i guess nowadays, ppl dont show them AT ALL. except when they want ppl to know wth they are thinking/feeling.

kk, im blogging for no reason cause im quite bored. HAHA. i finish watching my shows. i dont really wanna start on new ones. kk, so theres so many ppl going nyjc. HAHA. and ajc too. but nvm, i still dono where im going yet. so it doesnt matter to me. i go where also new environment, so no diff. but i do know one thing, wherever im going, im making it into the team. im gona push myself real hard this time. i dont have much time to waste anymore. neither do i want to keep being look down upon. but come to think of it, i've always been saying this arent i? and how much have i even improve? more like when i dont think of it so badly, i improve.

ok, i shall not think so much. 顺气自然就好. dont mind me if i type chinese wrongly. HAHAHA. havent really been writing chinese for a long time. HAHA.

ok, so far my life still revolves around netball. and yes, i've hurt my thumb without myself knowing. i cant even rmb when i've hurt it. quite bad. though it didnt swell, i cant bend it without feeling the pain. but yahh, this pain is nth. and since i can still catch ball and stuffs, its alright. at most out of shape again. HAHAHA. lets hope its just some internal bruising.

actually, nth is really bothering me now, except that. omgoosh, i really dono when i'll face that. i've got the feeling that that day will come real soon. and also a feeling that i'll screw things up. HAHAHA. okk, heck, i'll enjoy myself in the mean time. HAHAHA.

I DONT FEEL THE CNY MOOD~

Oldie.
Thursday, January 20, 2011 1:41 AM

oh no, im gona get older real soon. HAHAHA. and i realised its on a friday. DIEEEE. if i really get into jc, then even more diee. i forsee myself spending my whole day in sch then at knc. like omgoshh. though yes, i would rather choose to spend my birthday playing netball or with netballers rather than staying at home to rot. but not to that extend of staying out WHOLE day. omgoosh. but come to think of it, if that day really no club trg, i'll be home studying also. or maybe out eat only. so also no fun. i rather train. im quite sure i wont get dates on that day. i mean, i never had them. neither have i had any birthday party in my life. HAHAHA. yeahh, almost 17 year of my life but i havent had any birthday party.

but i know i wont like it anyway. whats the point of inviting so many ppl over if they dont truely appear cause they just wanted to wish u happy birthday or wanted to see u smiling happily on ur birthday? some may appear because u asked them to, or some come because others are around and many other not very nice reasons. besides, i believe quite a number of ppl know i dont like crowds. whatmore being in the limelight. oh, but wait, im not trying to say party is not good arhh!! dont put words in my mouth!!! AHHAHAHHA. STILL, ALL BOILS DOWN TO WHAT KINDA PERSONALITY U HAVE!

ok, why am i even saying this anyway. alright, so yeahh, i've been working again. FULL TIME SLACKER. slacked the whole day away. but today was a BAD BAD start. and my brain decided to forget them. so i cant rmb what i dreamt. i just know it was super bad. then i started slacking while my mum do house chores. HAHAHA. i feel so bad. okk, she wont let me help anyway. i offered before and she say i'll only need ur help when i wanna quickly finish them. ok, i mean like, cause i do very fast. so to her its not clean lahh. HAHAHAH.

okk, i dono why im blogging cause there isnt much to say. but still, the post so long hor? HAHAHA. when the day is nearing, the more im keeping myself awake to relax more. am i just afraid or just trying to use up all my time to the fullest? somehow some bad feeling just seem to persist. perhaps im not that used to leading a more lucky life? HAHAHHA. i sound like i belief in those stuffs. arghh, i cant rmb that word.

alright, i hope amkss wont let down ms huang anymore. afterall, i still really find them the lucky ones. goodluck in everything then, juniors! though i doubt anyone of ur will see this. but still, dont give up easily. u not only let urself down, but the team and most importantly, the coach who put in so much effort. not forgetting the teachers of course.

come to think of netball, i still cant forget what she did. just that action brought up so much memories. im sorry....

Sick.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011 12:29 AM

ok, im kinda suppose to be blogging more often cause im SO DAMN FREE nowadays. HAHAHA. i mean, its still holidays!! AHHAHA. though its more or less not so holiday-ish feeling. cause practically everyone around u is studying/working. HAHAH. alright, but actually, im quite busy to even think im free lahh. HAHAHA.

so last week was a GOOD/bad week. HAHAHA. actually, to think more optimistically, its in fact REALLY good. i mean, its really once in a blue moon that i actually felt my life was good. perhaps its because of the new year! my life's turning for the better i guess. no, it is turning for the better. it will be. so even though results wasnt as satifying as i want it to be, its still good. my first and foremost goal is to beat my sis's results though. cause i dont want to always be that stupid girl that my family thinks i am. just because my psle was worst than hers. or because in pri sch i wasnt in the best class, like my sis was. its because i didnt like studying the least bit. but amazingly, im actually going to a JC. everyone think that i suit JC more. lets see whose the ultimate winner.

so yahh, after results day was all NETBALL-ing day. HAHAHA. YAY, I STILL LOVE NETBALL-ING!! AHHAHA. went to have some catch-up session last thurs at mcs. was quite weird. AHHAHA. but i do miss the sch ALOT!!! HAHAHA. we should really go back there to play netball again. the feeling will be WONDERFUL. i miss mrs dave!): everyone seems to have fate with her except me. but nvm, i have fate with ms choo!!!(: and i'll make sure it stays, no matter what i have to do. just one day, i'll say what i always wanted to say to her.

then friday was appeal trials and club 'trials'. double trials in one day. sad anot? both was quite good i guess? although both is in a not that confirmed stage. HAHAHA. but the not that confirm one is the appeal one i guess. i always did not have confidence in trials. i shall take it that im improving instead. HAHAHHA. i was in a super blur mind at night on friday.i guess my health is overtaking my mind. the mind is always a more complex system to conquer than the body. i couldnt even get an easy drill straight. like, i totally couldnt believe it.

actually, last whole week was torturous. honestly. for the mind and the body. i was really really drained. i guess no one understands how i felt. if not i wouldnt have broke down that many times. it was really terrible. i dono why. i guess thats why im sick now huh?

okk, i guess i should get some rest now. tmr the juniors are having their game with crescent. AHHA. though i know they will win. but i hope they wont be complacent and respect the opponents! i still think they're lucky. nvm, i'll not be petty. HAHAHA. i'll still support them!

First post of the year!
Sunday, January 02, 2011 2:33 AM

k, lets see what should i blog about. cause my blogging urge is gone. AHHAHA. cause i went to maple instead. HAHA.

alright, so i spent my last day of 2010 with one oldy and one mad ass. HAHAHHA. and was literally soaked. HAHAH. cause it was a bad day to go out in a sense. museums are damn quiet, damn big, and rather boring. HAHAH. i guess i dont have those artistic talents in me. HAHAHHA. sounds weird, but i do think u guys know what im trying to say. HAHAHA. ohh, and i get to eat b&j on the last day of 2010!!!! FREEE!!!! cause i've got myself a free treat. HAHAHHAH. thanks yo! though its not a very big matter to ppl now cause they're all working~ but im not yahh. HAHAHA. i am slacking FULL TIME. HEH.

k, lets have a little reflection on 2010. at the start of the year, its VERY VERY BAD. i dont like it a single bit. including my big day. suck cock. the middle was boring. cause its was just abt studying and more studying. at the end was cool either. cause there isnt netball anymore. and its 等死时间. HAHAHHA. so thats my 2010. HAHAH. and my 4years, i've achieved only one of the goals i've set when i came into sec sch. and only i myself will know/understand. it's a bad and good thing to me. just abt how i see it. so i shall see it as good?

so, thats it? 4years of sec sch is over. moving on to jc or poly life now. i wonder how will it be like. or perhaps even i wonder if i could forget.

alright enough of those. now abt 2011. OH NO, IM GONA BE 17 SOON!!!!!!! I FEEL SO OLDDDDDDD. im looking forward to that day cause there MAY BE prezs. but i dont look forward cause im getting older, i've more burdens, whether that day will be a good day, whether what i want will come true and many other bad stuffs. HAHAHAH.

ok, i dont feel like typing alr. my eyes are hurting. i need to slp now. if not tmr dont need go out. yeahh, come to think of it. RESULTS DAY IS COMING!!!!!!!! ok, i shall put in tagboard alr. HAHAH.

i feel like some splity. HAHAHHA. means having split personality. its my own word. HAHAHHAHAH