Decipher the Story of My Life

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“Take up one idea. Make that one idea your life - think of it, dream of it, live on that idea. Let the brain, muscles, nerves, every part of your body, be full of that idea, and just leave every other idea alone. This is the way to success, that is way great spiritual giants are produced.” Swami Vivekananda
“Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.” Steve Jobs
“The truth is incontrovertible, malice may attack it, ignorance may deride it, but in the end; there it is.” Winston Churchill

im feeling better!(:
Monday, September 08, 2008 9:22 PM

hmmm, i actually didn wanna blog. but i tink i should like update on THOSE ppl out there reading and then dont dare ask directly de ppl(:

dont worry, im feeling better now(: cose ive got my ans. seems like EVERYTHING is repeating itself. same reason AGAIN. but still, definitely im gona work DOUBLY harder this time. cose im NOT gona allow history to repeat itself ANYMORE. (:

now, im gona concentrate on my EOY and prove to myself i can do it. i CAN climb over the BIG HUGE TALL MOUNTAIN in front of me(:

BYEE(:

sinking deeper into my own world.
12:15 AM

i noe its weird/stupid to blog at tis time man. but still, im doin it, cose the blog's gona be left to die soon(:

ive realised im sinking deeper and deeper into my own world. im starting to get more self-centered. sometimes i just dono how to start telling. and i dont noe hu got the ability to get me out of there and to get me goin once again. i dono wen my confidence will come back. i realised tis the only thing which can mke me stop everything and go insane for. i dont noe wen i'll get my mood back to do stuffs im suppose to do now alr. perhaps im just too afraid to do anymore things.

有谁有那个力量把我从我陶醉的恶梦世界里拉出来呢?
我真的很怕。

haizzzzzz......
Saturday, September 06, 2008 11:04 PM

haizzzz, i realised its always a habit of mine wen i want to forget smth. wenever i wanna forget things, i'll just keep myself busy. till i have no time to tink abt those things i wanna think of.

i dont wanna blog much. so, byee!(:

我发现我已经再次的失去信心。
我真的很害怕，
但又没有人能够使我冷静下来。

night life much?
Friday, September 05, 2008 1:11 AM

hmm, i tink im startin to get used to slpin late at night alr. and its not a very good habit. cose sch's startin soon again.....haizzzz, tinking abt it mke me sian diao lahh. sch wifout trg is worst.

kk, come to tink of trg, more feelings popped out. i intended to be early today but seems like im not. HAHA. okk, then wen we reach sch we saw the coach go running out? wat she tryin to do we also dono. AHHAH. then we started wif game warm up again. not bad lahh, i dono why but im not tat tired as bfore? and we straight away go into some pair ball work stuffs wifout break. HEH, i like tat, but its too intensive. AHHA. intensive in a sense tat her pair ball is a killer lahh. i dont mind after court conditioning we go into pair ball wifout break. but its only for NORMAL pair ball lahh. NOT those which we ran like crazy.

then ermm, into team ball work. okk, kinda pissed. hmm, as u can see, ur didn wanted me to give up. but so wat? im like working wif ppl hu ALREADY GAVE UP?! in this manner, wat improvements could i ever make? hmm, no offence to them, but seriously, if ur REALLY mean it wen u said u wanna BE IN the team, then show tat u want to! catch the damn ball and throw it properly lahh! okk, i admit i attitude a little. then im sorry, but i just wanted to be in it.

okk, then was some court work stuffs alr. im totally a subsitute lahh! and i DONT like the feeling of being one. i dono abt others, but i just feel tat today's trg didn really felt like it was for the others. seriously, i have no offence to huever which sees tis lahh. its just MY point of view ok!

and today seems like some sort of injury day? many ppl hurt themselves lahh. tats is why i got sub-ed! and becose the alyssa was fasting tat explains why im playin for the other team lahh. like totally, i dono why i felt weird playin for them. but still, i noe i played my best and enjoy the game. perhaps tat explains why im not tat tired today. kk, i dont wanna say so much. if ppl hu really i will tell to will alr noe how i felt. and besides, dont try come comfort me again lahh. pls, IM ALRIGHT! though i typed all tis, but its not like its everything im thinking? cose if im to type everything tat im thinking, i tink u will read till nxt morning(:

i just got to work harder and make her regret.
doesn mean tat ppl wif more injury and short cant play.
im gona make her believe in me and give me the chance.

BACK PAIN ARHH!!!
Tuesday, September 02, 2008 11:44 PM

damn damn damn damn damn. my back is damn pain now. i goin to canot tahan anymore. im a really gettin older?): seems like wat cheryl said is true huh? her curse came true alr. sad.

so today i was actually suppose to wake up and go online at 1+ to do hecons. but sad case, the stupid construction woke me up and i ended up goin out to watch movie cose its just too noisy at home. and we cant seem to have a time that we can come together to do our hecon!!!

so went to watch wall-e wif liko and chloe. show was not bad lahh. finished ard 2+ then went to sch. super early. and i felt super weird there. lucky rachel came early today! if not i really will feel damn weird!

lucky today's warm up was only up down court 12laps? then footwork and pair ball. long time no trg alr man. stamina went down and hand so fast ache liao): guess im really not working hard enough? then was some drills.

i swear my migraine is gettin worst. in fact i was feeling DAMN dizzy after the four ppl thingy. i tell u its like colour blind or smth lahh! im seeing things in green lohh! and the whole world is like turning. damn lahh! and i cant believe i actually forced myself to continue! but yes, tats just me(:

then drills and finally courtwork. goooshh, im super duper off form today. jump wrong time many many times): and im starting to look at ball flying past): then it started to rain ard 6 and we stoppped trg! HEH. not bad huh. then the pess team was annouced.

hmm, guess my chance ain't so much anymore. everything came true? guess so. but dont worry, dont try to come comfort me. HAHA. anyway, ur cant out talk me de! AHHA. i'll still work hard to let the coach have some changes? yeahh, but im still at a disadvantage cose the coach seems to be a little bias against those wif injuries): but still, i really hope i grow taller. hmm, i just have to work harder now huh?

or perhaps i shld listen to my ma tis time? give up and let my knee rest? i held them back today. perhaps its cose i knew the outcome? or bcose i told myself its alright alr? yeahh, still no one could out talk me. still no one knew exactly wat i was tinkin. i am positive now, but somehow i just cant help it. yeahh, carnival may not be a big thing for the others, but it is smthing big for me. even if the others didn say, i noe they felt the same way too. okk, mayb not many, but i noe hu will tink the same way as i am. i dono, but sometimes i just really feel like taking a break alr. but still, i gave up so much time for 5years alr. but still, i couldnt assure myself that i could do it. hu could assure me? i really feel so tired now alr.

unsleepable night):
Monday, September 01, 2008 1:34 AM

hmm, i real tired now. but i just dont feel like slping suddenly. dont feel like posting much either.

ive realised, since then, ive never ever forget it. its been 3yrs. but i still cant forget it. theres just so many ppl and places tat mke me remember. perhaps tats why i always kept myself busy. i just didn want to leave any spare time for myself to wonder into another world of mine.

okk, as usual, i dont wanna type so much anymore. i just dislike myself for being a second mover. i WANT to be the OLD me again. i dont want to feel anything anymore. i dont want to noe how to cry anymore.

ive done so much things for many ppl, but wheres just ONE of returns?
i just needed one, and its all i want.
god, perhaps tis time i really need help.