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“Take up one idea. Make that one idea your life - think of it, dream of it, live on that idea. Let the brain, muscles, nerves, every part of your body, be full of that idea, and just leave every other idea alone. This is the way to success, that is way great spiritual giants are produced.” Swami Vivekananda
“Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.” Steve Jobs
“The truth is incontrovertible, malice may attack it, ignorance may deride it, but in the end; there it is.” Winston Churchill

hmm, i tink that upper sec is really busy. theres like so many things to do lahh! i had ANOTHER bukit timah trip. ok lahh. took many pictures again. AHHA. but im lazy to post. though my fone could connect alr. AHHA. okk, i dont really wanna tok abt bukit timah trip. just tat we climbed like super huge stairs? and youhui lagging behind though hes in NCC AIR. AHHA. okok. then rushed back for 'trg'. in a sense, trg. didn noe why i wanna rushed back too lahh. just wanted to be there? just wanted to play?

then the suay part was wat u noe? i sprained my ankle. wonderful right? and i tink its my WORST sprain. though i still managed to walk back home myself(: yupp, im forever like dat. no matter how much pain im in, im on my own. cose i wanted to so called train somemore after trg. so after doin some passes wif jackie, i decided to throw the ball against the wall. cose its like been a long time since i did passes and stuffs? i dono if its really long but i just felt tat it was long. then after thowing for quite some time, my anger, frustration and everything that ive been feeling for the past few days or weeks or months came out. so i started throwing harder. so obviously the ball rebounded back higher and harder. caught most of the ball. then the last one i managed to did was hard and high. guess wat? i caught it but did not land properly. AHHAHA. so the whole right ankle touched the floor and i couldnt stand back up in time and ended up falling on my knees and rolled over to hug my ankle. cose it was FREAKING pain!!! and i heard that 'crack' sound? really really very pain i tell u. i ALMOST cried on the spot but i noe i cant. i tink some of them thot it was just a shock. AHHA. if its a shock for me, 2sec later i cant stand up and run alr. actually, even if tis a sprain, i can also stand up and run. HAHA.

so tats the worst thing which happened to me so far.of course, the nxt day i didn go sch. cose it was freaking pain and i couldnt walk anymore. or perhaps i shld say, i SHOULD NOT walk anymore. in case i mke my ankle worst. cose i noe i could just keep on going. so i went to the sinseh the nxt day. and guess wat? my ankle was almost to the dislocation stage. AHHA. its just better abit. so its the sprain stage. HAHAH. and its my first time doing the electric thingy. AHHA. no idea wat is tat called lahh. normally is ba gua only. now got electric siol! HAHAH. i was thinking wat if the electric thingy suddenly spoil and i kana electric shock? HAHAHA. i noe i very crap. HAHA. so after tat was the turning back bone part. guess wat? i no longer think tat its very pain alr. cose im like a frequent vistor alr? the first time go i still will drop tears. now no more. just hold on to smth.

then there was this pregnant lady there. she commented tat i not scared pain. and shes very scared of pain. then the sinseh said ya, im not scared of pain. but its not good. cose like dat i will only go to the sinseh when its VERY VERY pain. and the lady will go when its just a little bit pain. then the sinseh said tat scared and not scared of pain is bcose of nerve problem. then i was like tinking ' is he tryin to say tat my nerve system got problem?' HHA. so after he turn back i still feel the pain when walking lahh. i tink he purposely nv help me turn back properly de. so tat i will come back the next day.

but guess wat? i did not. cose i wasnt free? had to collect my fone and go sch. though im not suppose to? AHHA. so i skipped it. thinking that i'll go on friday. but i wanted to meet my pri sch frens and stay in sch instead. so i missed it again. thinking i'll go on saturday. but my mother told me tat she wanan go my grandma hse. so i decided not to bother her and since shes been complaining that im always wasting her money on seeing doctors and stuffs. i hate it when she says such things. yes, i noe im VERY SICKLY. but its not wat i want right? i wished i was much stronger also. i dont wish to waste so much money either right? yes, im careless and watsoever. and yes, bcose i wanted to continue netball. so i decided not to see the sinseh anymore. regardless of whether my ankle will recover anot. anyway i can run alr. just mayb jump still a little problem. but i believe i can take the pain. no pain, no gain much?

and i realise after missing two periods of maths on wed, i cant really catch up. HAHA. partly bcose i didn wanna do my work lahh. AHHA. so i decided to just keep chionging lahh. so finally i managed to catch up on thurs. HAHAH. but dont really understand lahh. lazy care alr lahh. shes like always going so fast. as though we're really short of time.

must upper sec really be so busy. everything cropping up all my time. AHHA. ok lahh, no time management lahh. yes, realise i seldom blame others for not having eneough time? cose its just abt how i manage my time. whether wat i wanna sacrifice for wat. and i realised ive been sacrificing my own relaxing time for hmewrks and stuffs. like rushing to read books. HAHAH.

yupp, ive been 'adicted' to james patterson books these few days. women's murder club! AHAHHA. nice book lahh. but the show is nicer. cose u can see the murder cases. in books, u have to visualize it instead. giving the person a face from ur imagination. AHHAHA. so be careful, in case i come murder u when u agitate me. AHHAHA. kidding lahh. im not some sicko or psycho lahh! the books just interest me though. thrillers and adventure kinds. AHHA. no to romance book. HAHAH.

then of course weekends are for nsl. AHHA. so practically tats wat happened since wed? ahah. nth big lahh.

i just wished that i was much stronger.
in terms of physical, wealth, mental or watsoever.
just much stronger.
i just dont wish to keep hearing them talking about me.
though they may not know how i feel,
but i just dont want to be upset any further.
if its not for them,
i wouldnt have been hurt too.
i wished i could do it.

ive been SO SO SO busy with so many things lately. first up was the bukit timah trip. rather alright lahh. saw many things which i kinda nv see bfore. perhaps its really true that when u slow down ur pace, u'll see things u nv see bfore. saw some uber disgusting things. HAHA. i wished i had those really good camera kind, so i could take them all down. HAHAH. but wifout those good camera, i still managed to take some pictures(: i shall be NICE and share them. AHHAHA. bukit timah trip was like sunday MORNING. look at wat i type. SUNDAY MORNING!! imagine me climbing the hill. AHHA.i woke up at like 545am?! normal sch time yo! damn right? and the previous day i alr woke up damn early!



so of course monday is time for me to rest and do my hmewrks. cose busy days ahead ya! so i woke up ard afternoon? then watch my cd and do my hmewrk. HAHA. at least i managed to finish my E maths hmewrk bfore i go and slp! AHHA. and beta thing, i finish watchin my cd!!! like finally please. AHAHA. no time lahh!!! actually wanted to do A maths. but was too tired man. doin and doin and doin. my brain doesnt want to work anymore.



so its tues. went to sch ard 2 for trg. sian man. we're back to basics! yeahh, yawning away again. but doesn matter. i used to doin basic things over and over again. anyway, my passes alr is cmi one. so i dont mind doin basics. and i kinda like doin ball handling. cose its one of wat i can do best(: perhaps bcose ive been doin basic things for ard 2 years? ppl do basic for mayb ard 1 year only but i did it for 2 years. though not consecutive. now we're doin a little basics again. perhaps its time to change my way of playing netball. as in my running, catching, jumping, throwing and things. i have too much things to improve on. i realised tat things which my coaches said abt me have been running through my head once more. as though telling me tat i cant give up and disappoint themand telling me tat i shld have change then when they told me. and worst thing, the coaches that coach me bfore, noe my present coach! i dono if its good or bad. mayb i tink too much. like wat ms huang said bfore, shes strict towards the younger ones, its really true. we all had to tuck in our shirts, not wear ankle socks, hair up and stuffs. though its normal lahh. but when bdiv trg tat time, she nv say this kinda things bfore lehh. so yeahh, trg wasn very fun.



yeahh, then its camping time. after trg, played volleyball for a while. then bathed and when to eat. eat finish start on the NWSP thingy. HAHA. rather sian lahh. but at least its in air conditioned room! AHHA. so i have no idea if i actually slept lah! slept ard 3++am. cose couldnt slp. we were actually supposed to slp in dream studio. then ended up bcose got girls and guys, we had to slp wif drama ppl. SIANNNN~ so i sat under the fan and slp. DAMN! its like freaking cold until my feng shi bing act up. my whole right leg was super ultra pain lahh. so i only slept till ard 5am. and i realised my neck and leg cramp also! AHHA. cose i sat on the chair and slp wat. so i decided to go toilet slp ard 5am. so i finally had the chance to lie down man! but sad case, bcose the other cca ppl had to get ready by 6am. so obviously, they woke up ard 5+. so i have no idea if i actually slept. i bet those cca ppl must be thinking that im crazy. AHHAHA. had care alr. so i went out of the toilet ard 6+? then ms lim ask where are we and we finally can go com lab slp. fyi, ive been alone for the whole night and rachel kan ALONE downstairs wif the noise pollution guys. AHHAHA.

fyi, i typed the top part in the morning and now typing the bottom part at night. HAHA. and guess wat? i cant be nice to post the pictures anymore): cose the damn thing couldnt install and i couldnt transfer the images? HEH. not my fault hor!

hmm, so its wed. walked from the com lab to netball court feels weird. and ms huang looked at me in the weird way. or mayb i just tink its weird. perhaps also bcose im wearing specs and feel weird. like wat mrs ong said, restriction yah! AHAH. actually, to the question the seniors asked bfore, perhaps im somehow somewhat a little like her.*only ppl hu understand me or noe wats goin on noe wat im refering to*

so bfore going for breakfast, i asked ms huang if we're needed now. then she said 'i thot 9?' so i 'orhh, ok' and walked off. HAHA. so after eating i saw jackie they all at the piano there, as usual, then asked them to go. then walking back, ms huang came and 'scolded' us. HAHAHA.
'why are ur late?!'
'huh?' both the 3 of us gave tat very blur face. cose we had no idea wats going on.
'i thot ur are suppose to meet at 830? now wat time alr?'
then i said 'huh? u just now say 9am?'
'alyssa say it's 830.'
then jackie did the toking and said ms huang said it was 9am.
then ms huang started laughing. meaning it was all fake. AHHA. shes just joking wif us! DAMN, she totally scare the hell out of us man! AHHA. imagine her SO SO SO stern face, scolding us? AHHA. killer! only when she started laughing then the whole scare thing ended. AHHA. then she asked us where is qinyu. so of course we straight away sms her to come quickly. HAHAHA. the msg we send her also is fake de. HAHA. we asked her to come quickly cose ms huang siao siao. AHHAHA. then jackie send her that if she dont come on the dot, we have to run suicides. HAHAH. hu read alr also will run to sch siia!!!

so after we warm up then help defend. seriously, ms huang is SO SO SO different when handling younger kids. HAHA. or mayb bcose shes sick?no idea. actually on tues i alr realised smth diff abt her. she seem so so so tired lahh. actually if its me, i bet i'll be more tired. but i noe for something i like, i'll definitely not feel tired for it or even get sick of it. i kinda realised that their drills are soemhow same as ours. but one thing is tat, they do until it seem so difficult! until i didn get it. i have no idea if im suppose to be passive or wat lahh! i really got to work on my running and stuffs alr. change change change!

after their trg when back com lab to finish up the stupid website thingy. HAHA. but still, i didn managed to mke it into a real website. DAMN! i shld have paid more attention during ICT. HAHAHAH. after tat then finally go home. from 3+ slept all the way till 7+. still feel damn sleepy. AHHA. normal lahh. holiday i always try to slp up to at least 12h a day. which is practically like half the day gone. so my holidays always very fast used up de. AHHAHA. but tis time diff hor!

then thurs morning go sch for trg. but expected, ms huang nv come. actually, at night im alr thinking abt it. i was tinkin that shes alr sick and will not come. but tink again, shes like those kind even sick also will come train her students de person. then tink again, but its just sec1s and A FEW of sec3s. which are kinda useless at this time. AHHA. so conclusion is, most likely she wont come. then in the morning confirm she not coming alr. but of course, wat ive said is not her real reason lahh. its just my prediction kinda thing. shes just sick. every human beings need time to rest too!

so obviously, trg was slack. the sec1s are even MORE slack. but i tink they kinda had fun bahh? i still tink tat through fun, only then they will learn. but of course, they must be mature and noe the basics first bfore understanding.so yahh, theres like nth much abt their trg also. then was suppose to meet jiamin and jingxun. but SOMEONE was busy and couldnt mke it. DAMN! i was SO looking forward to it ok! really long time nv see them alr.

so today was just goin out for movie and then to the lib to study. AHHAHA. A maths hmewrk done! just tat ws haven finish. AHHA. cose i was TOO lazy to finish it. its like so many questions of partial fractions?! super sian can. the tcher mark not tired i also do until tired le lahh! then when to mac and eat then chat till ard 8 then homed(: btw, i was wif winny. HEH.

i realised im just running away from everything and anything. i just didn want to face all of them. sometimes i think that im too sensitive. theres advantage and disadvantage. sometimes i really wished i used all of my time wisely. said all i wanted to say to everybody in case i would have any regrets. if i asked or said what i want to, i think i wouldnt have any problems anymore. but if its so easy to ask or say, i think this wouldnt be life anymore. it would be just like some typical storybooks or just some cartoons. jsut some fiction stories. perhaps tats why i didn sink into depression(:

ultimate suayness man. i tink theres like a ws eater in the class! AHAHHA. BECAUSE MY A AND E MATHS WORKSHEET IS LIKE MIA?????!!!! Amaths review question2 i rmb clearly tat i handed up bfore assembly last thurs lahh! and worst, my Emaths ws 3. i totally have no idea where it died to. i didn hand up but its missing. worst, theres actually a date on the contents page o.O i wrote it someday but i have no idea where the ws die to. i SWEAR i did both the ws ok! and i SWEAR i handed Amaths up! and i SWEAR im not gona lend anybody my ws ANYMORE, nor am i gona hand in my hmewrk on time! cose we have some ws eater in our class-.- SUCK, it totally wasted my time doin ok. its either their fault or my fault. abt ws 3, i suppose its my fault for forgetting where i put it. tat, let it be, just my suayness to forget where it disappeared to. but Amaths, i wont let the matter rest. im gona blame them no matter wat then do it again at most. HAHAHA. WASTAGE OF TIME!

damn, i tell u, from the time i realised my ws gone, i no mood to do anything.

i tink i no time to do things again. so many things to be done but so little time left. am i really mking full use of my time and goin at a slow pace? hmewrks, projs, stupid test, netball, mking things, watching shows, learning stuffs, taking time out to buy contacts and fone and meetups. totally NO TIME. but now my priority is meetups! HEH. awaiting for thurs. i seriously hope nth crops up. lets see, nxt up shld be netball? first time unsure heh? sch stuffs will definitely be last! AHHA. sick of all of them man. test, which is NOT suppose to have de. projs, i dont noe why i agreed....hmewrks, anyway, we've been scolded MANY times(: fone, waited for like weeks?! contacts, holiday still can. now, its a question busy ppl like to ask. why cant a day have 48hours or more? HAHA. bcose the earth rotates at tat speed?! AHHAHA. okk, laming here.

back to topic much. am i really gona continue? its seems so not important anymore. i mean, its useless. like bfore, my hopes were high, my faith were high cose someone let me believe tat they could do it. but ended up, i dropped all the way down. from the peak to the bottom of the mountain. yupp, i cant ensure anybody tat i could perform as well as i expect. which i doubt i can ever do it. cose it has been a burden ever since. its no longer a joy. ive been able to predict such things since rather longer ago. some may be hard, but like wat i said, they're a bunch of ppl whom i noe long ago and compete against long ago. i SWEAR im not tryin to boast. cose i noe i have no rights to, bcose im not as good as bfore anymore. i said it bfore last year but my words fell on deaf ears. now, i just hope i could bring myself up to the peak again. the peak of joy to play it. only then i noe i could bring out wat i could do. ive wasted 2years+. ppl asked me why i said that. firstly, bcose i didn achieve anything big? but tats not the main point, cose i noe its the process and teamwork tat i like to play it. and its the joy of us all which i want to achieve. but i dont see them. at first, i only hear complaints and some stuffs which made me very angry upon hearing. then it bcame beta, but i noe its just their acting, they 'appearance'. but i was dumb to believe. now i noe but have to act dumb. after tat, it was much beta. though at first all of us had a hard time getting together. but i dont feel tat im part of them. now, i definitely got to work harder. i dont want my sec sch life just get played away or even worst, a total waste of time. i just need to get the trust back.

definitely, im alright. i will not quit just like tat. but somehow, could the earth just rotate slower? (: perhaps, i just cant shake of wat im given or supposed to do. sometimes, i really wished i was an irresponsible, naughty asshole. but i could only be a fake sucker then a total sucker. its just the principles tat i couldnt get rid off.

guess wat? i actually wanted to blog and remember wat i wanted to blog. but bcose im TOO busy multi-tasking, i ended up forgetting wat i wanna blog. and the feeling is kinda gone. HAHA. but of course, as a long-post-typed of person. i could just easily type out something! AHHAHA

so, k, results first thing. not as good as i expect for some, but overall, everything's still fine. just for the fact tat we're having two test for NOT pure geo students. how unfair. DAMN! if not my last test would be like today alr?! i hope i didn screw my Amaths! but anyway, clean record broken, so lazy care so much alr. no idea why am i bothering so much abt my results either, which i normally dont. perhaps its bcose im not in my right mind either.

then now, lets tok abt SSRP today. two periods free. wow right? VERY GOOD time to slack. btu guess wat? i didn even slack! i tink i more of like stoned instead? no fun anymore! 2/2 still have the best ppl to slack with! and STILL, i CANT socialise/blend in and watever with ANY class since p5. like freak, i really dono wats wif me. i hate the things tat went wrong for me. bcose fo all these tat happened i jut couldnt be myself anymore. even some small stuffs could mke me feel like crying or even cry. like fuck pls, i really dont wanna be like this anymore. ppl always say tat sec sch like is the best and the frens last long. but for me, sec sch life is BORING like fuck. pardon me for using such languages but i just feel like using the word(: nth nice happen, nth nice things to keep me busy, no netball-ing everyday, nobody to crap like nobody's business in class, nobody to fight with, nobody to noe wat im feeling/thinking, nobody to mke me happy. NOTHING. u noe wat's the WORST thing? until now, 2years plus PAST, but i still dono wat im doin in this sch. so wat noeing so many ppl? they CANT keep me company, they dont let me feel as though they are ACTUALLY my frens. its not tat i expect much from my frens, neither izzit bcose i want them to listen to me. perhaps yahh, my pri sch frens definitely noe tat i'll tend to get angry if ppl dont listen to me. but of course, if its something constructive or correct or watever, of course i'll go their way! sometimes i really wanna go bad, at the very least, i have something to do and even feel tat im actually needed kinda thing? no, not needed, cose those type of frens are useless. at least mayb meet some loyal frens or mayb even some frens hu could NOT BE HYPOCRITES.

I HAD ENOUGH OF HYPOCRITES LET ME TELL U. i realised i changed. i could NO LONGER stand or hang out wif ppl i DONT like anymore. so for those whom i always hang out wif, and u hang out wif ppl i dnt like, tats it. u either choose me or tat particular person. im not tryin to put huever in a spot or to gang up against anybody. but i just wanna be more myself for the time being. neither am i showing how impt am i or smething. cose if u actually noe me, i can jolly well just go home everyday after sch to be tat loner of mine. not tat i need anybody's company. though i would like to have it, but it doesnt matter if i have to force ppl to be wif me. cose i noe they're not themselves and im not myself. AHHA. i just hope i could continue like pri sch to play netball everyday. i tink only then i feel like im myself. only then perhaps i feel those ppl which would play netball wif me are actually my frens. but i dont tink tis ever the same. cose ppl would just waste time and ended up dono doin wat shit or either there's nobody to stay back at all.

hmm, okk, the feeling is really gone, i cant rmb wat i wanna type! okk, just to update yi xia, i tink im gona learn things tat i could do ALONE at home or something. HEH. like guitar, shooting or archery! HEH. just guess so lahh. cose obviously i have to save my OWN money if i wanna do tat. and there's much more things i have to do wif my own money. guess i'll jut have to skip meals frequently! ohh! and i realised tat ive been forgeting to do hmewrks! HAHA, okk, random yes. but yahh, i tend to not care anymore. too tired of all the tchers shit. ive no idea when i'll blow either. yeahh, u guys might hear my voice loud and clear soon wif either frens or tchers(:

i really tink it's a chore staying at home. wif my mother nagging and nagging like nobody's business. or actually, its ACTUALLY nobody's business. worst thing, its NOT nagging at me. but my sis. and even more worst, shes like practically repeating wat she said to me last time to my sis. but EVEN MORE WORST, my sis is really so stupid to listen to wat my mother say. and wat she say is QI HUA-.- dumb fuck right? two word= no backbone-.-

i have to stay strong,
i must stay strong,
and i need to stay strong.