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“Take up one idea. Make that one idea your life - think of it, dream of it, live on that idea. Let the brain, muscles, nerves, every part of your body, be full of that idea, and just leave every other idea alone. This is the way to success, that is way great spiritual giants are produced.” Swami Vivekananda
“Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.” Steve Jobs
“The truth is incontrovertible, malice may attack it, ignorance may deride it, but in the end; there it is.” Winston Churchill

tis is gona be a VERY VERY LONG post. so if dont wan read dont read. if not dont complain to me tat its very long. im kinda tired of always tinkin of where to paragraph my 'story' anymore lahh. so i'll type in chunks. SO DONT READ IF U DONT WANT TO(:

these few days ppl ard me have been moody, sad and stuffs lahh. all those bad things. but for me, nth goes bad at all. just for the fact tat ppl ard me aren happy which make me not very happy either. then i'll start being very confused for i-dono-wat reason at all. i dono how to start comforting those ppl. like wen u understand me u will get it. all i noe is sayin sacarstic stuffs or scolding which is like the bad person lahh. then wen it comes to comforting, im lost. cose i dont noe wat to say yet i noe that person needs someone to tok to. so all i could do is just stay by that person's side and stand watever that person is gona do to me. and mostly is either hitting me or doin crazy stuffs which make me damn embarrassed.

i realised ppl ard me changed very quickly. once we're in diff sch its really very hard to control wat they're doin. as in not to control them but like how they're thinkin lahh. sometimes its like i really dono wat to say anymore. and its really bothering me when i cant get them happy. i have to tink of more and more promises which i dont even noe i can do it anot. which i really hate myself for tat. perhaps thats why i just wanna get far far away from all of them. i seriously beg ur to like wake up and move on and grow up? im SERIOUSLY not tryin to scold ur or blame ur for everything. but if ur wanna see me really happy, i really hope ur can grow up and tink abt others also. life is not only abt urself. theres ppl ard u too. if ur family aren there for u, theres still ur fren and everything else. nobody is there for me either. its only the non living things that are there for me. but im not like ur who keep wanting to die right? if im like ur, im serious that im long ago dead. cose im not scared of death at all.

those whose exams grades aren like wat they expected to have cheer up yahh(: its over alr, so just do better the nxt time tats all. yahh, ur may be thinkin obviously i will tink that way cose my exam grades are damn good. the damn good is wat ur tink, but for me, its not good at all. diff ppl have diff expectations. im seriously not tryin to boost or something. but its the fact. my sis says that my sch stuffs are damn easy and i have to go buy assesments so i wont fail my o lvl-.- like crap right? shes like scaring me can-.- damn fuck, they're ALWAYS looking down on me which always make me wanna work harder to show them im better. and in pri sch im like always one of the last, so my exam grades aren always that good. but its bcose nobody will scold me or something which is why im always tryin to do better so at least i could get the least bit of attention from them. cose im not tat stupid to fail everything in order to get their least bit attention which aren gona be very good. so for those who always like to fail everything in order to get attention, i beg to wake up. if both ways aren gona work, why dont take the better way? its like much better for urself lahh. if u're reading tis im sure u noe im refering to u.

ohh, and if u urself noe that the particular subject tcher aren gona help u in ur exam, then study urself! and dont blame the tcher for not being able to teach. but u can blame the chinese tchers for not being able to teach. cose i seriously tink that amkss chinese tchers are totally hopeless! they read the whole chapter finish means teach finish. wat crap right? so u have to study urself. and its not like 1week bfore that kind. at least 2week bfore. and most imptly, u must noe how to REJECT ppl. but actually, diff ppl have diff way of studying lahh. for me i reject ppl to go lib study. cose i noe it doesn work out for me. i have to lock myself in the room and study till 6 to come out watch tv till 8 then go back in study till 10 to slp. HAHAH. and some of the days are used for slping cose im just too tired of being a nerd. HAHAH. and musics are not allowed in my room wen im studying all the subjects except maths. i dono why either. but maths i need music somehow to do faster. so im sayin this for the sake of just sayin and typing only lahh. not tryin to show off or watever hor! just feel like typing and typing and typing.

i realised i haven go into the main point yet. AHHAHA

SATURDAY

okk, so its nsl day. we're kinda very late huh. cose by the time we reach there the whole sports hall is like crowded like hell? and of course marlins won. expected lahh. but some things aren really that expected. wen it comes to the last name for the u21 ayc team, i bet she will be tinkin its her and the other one will be tinkin why isnt she in? right? if its the person reading this then she'll understand. i bet shes like at first damn hate the coach but will then get it. but i still tink the coach will regret her decision. i tink i shldn say why. if not i dono who will really read tis. and if its tat particular person, i tink i'll get killed by her if i see her somewhere.

but no matter wat, i still tink she will get in soon. and im seriously damn admire her ability to take the fact tat shes not in. if its most of the ppl, they will alr break down. for her, its either in the toilet, wen her frens keep toking abt it, or either wen shes alone in the bus or at home. but hopefully its none. tinkin abt it, it suddenly make me feels tat its gona happen to me also. cose its like its a always thing that you will get into the team. then suddenly dono wats got into the coach and u're out. itsn it scary? okk, for me is abit lahh. so tis shows tat u cant be too arrogant and cant take things for granted. so its seriously time for me to pull up my socks! HAHAH. beating abt the bush ehh?

after nsl that jackie ong was like wanting to stalk tan huiyan lahh. like its seriously not her first time wanting to stalk the players and i kept stopping her. HAHAHA. and its also like not the first time i coincidently saw her. but its past year event alr. HAHAH. so after nsl went home. and amazing is that i ate only biscuits ard 1+ and didn eat for the whole day! HAHAHA. cose i either over hungry or everytime suddenly no appetite[?] eat.


TODAY

kept waking up. perhaps its bcose of the weather. but i tink its cose theres a major confusion tat i dono wat i shld do that kept me awake. so i woke up ard 10 and my ma got a shock and asked me if im goin out. cose on a sunday i will normally wake up like 2+? but its cose i cant get to slp lahh. so woke up and watch cartoons all the way. HAHAH. i noe its weird for a 14 year old some kinda quite mature person watchin cartoons lahh. but seriously, wenever i on the tv i'll check the cartoon chanels first bfore deciding which chl to watch. i cant kick the habit lahh.

then after watchin all the cartoons i wanna watch, i start on my cross stitch. HAHAHA. tinkin that its impossible for me to do that right??! but yahh, i did it ok. and its almost done alr. obviously not some stupid childish pictures lahh. HAHAHA. its my 'invention' again(: cose my globe is cmi alr):

i feel tat im like seriously so useless. though i noe how they're feeling yet i cant do anything to make them happy. the only thing i can do is to let them noe im there for them. but yet its like, i noe that im not always there for them. sometimes i seriously hope im like some assholes which wont spare a thought for ppl. but i just cant do it. i feel tat im like a total coward wen it comes to comforting ppl. its like i rather they misunderstand me than me having to waste that effort to go explain to them. yupp, bcose i rather they hate me then in the future regret knowing me and i rather the relationship to end normally rather than sayin those mean stuffs right into their face to make both parties sad. AND, im not tryin to announce anything here ok! meaning im not tryin to break any relationship wif anybody. i always cherish every relationship wif anybody but wen its time to let go, i'll let go. cose no use persisting where the mutual trust, the patience and everything that needs to build up a relationship is alr gone. im tokin abt all kinda relationship except those sicko ones and bgr ones ok-.-

i tink ive finished bloggin the super ultra uber long post!(: AHHAHA. i tink its MUCH shorter than the past ones where i always blog in chunks and chunks of words. HAHAH.