profile guestbook affiliations history credits
“Take up one idea. Make that one idea your life - think of it, dream of it, live on that idea. Let the brain, muscles, nerves, every part of your body, be full of that idea, and just leave every other idea alone. This is the way to success, that is way great spiritual giants are produced.” Swami Vivekananda
“Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.” Steve Jobs
“The truth is incontrovertible, malice may attack it, ignorance may deride it, but in the end; there it is.” Winston Churchill
);
Thursday, July 14, 2011 11:45 PM

theres so much to do but so little time. i dont even have time to think through things these few days. but somehow, my mind just wants me too. perhaps cause of everything thats happening? been busy with projects and netball and whatever stuffs.

somehow, every project seem to be a disaster to me. IS was pretty much free because i wasnt like the one making decisions and everything. but IS wasnt good because there was acting stuffs included. k lahh, its over anyway. i find it pretty well because we freaking did not even rehearse? our rehearsals were merely reading from the scripts? so yeahh, whatever.

now theres creative presentation due next tues and IT project due next next monday. sucks much. creative isnt very progressive. worst thing is i seem to be the one in charge somehow. keep relying on me making the decision. dont really like that because sometimes im just brain dead. but yet i have to make the decision cause sometimes they arent really focused on what we're working on and that its not the best we can do. i believe in giving my best. since all projects are counted as marks. besides, what for wasting ur time on something u're not doing ur best in? why dont just dont do it if u arent gona put in ur best efforts? its a total waste of time if u dont wanna do ur best. and i do admit im not someone who is very decisive.

argghh, somehow i dono why, i think im blowing my top soon. it just really irritates me alot when something is set then after awhile ppl wanna change it or say we shouldnt have did this or only now then give more ideas. and i really dont like it when my group mates are so scared of me? or maybe because they wanna get my agreement. but arghh, i know everything just lies in me. i dont blame them for anything at all. its just my character. i know it. arghhh, projects are just out to kill me lahh. testing my patience and leadership/decision-making skills man. sucks alot.

so apart from sch work, i have netball stuffs to worry abt. k, not worry but trouble? HAHA. yeahh, sucks much. i think i only told 2 person abt enl stuff? k, cant even say 2. maybe 1? maybe not even 1. i really no longer know what is sharing/ telling someone how u feel anymore. maybe shes right, escapism. haha. guess after a period of time then i realised i dont dont feel anything. i did felt something. but i just dont wanna admit/think i felt that way. i tell everyone im alright. but am i really alright? i dont really think so. im just so tired of everything. the feeling of giving up is back. now, even in np, i dont feel like i play netball before. im starting to lose my confidence somehow. i dont feel right. but yet, i really dono who to tell. im tired of having to feel. im so damn tired that only up till now, i really had the time to even think and breakdown. soemtimes i really wonder if i took the correct path. should i really have continued? i cant believe i actually encouraged ppl to continue so much. and yet im like this. the uselessness/worthlessness/inferiority complex is all back. forget it, i just need more time. sometimes i realised no matter how much i try to blend in, it wouldnt work. afterall, humans all can act damn well. but when it comes to asking u to stand infront of audiences to act, everyone fumbles. im tired of being myself. tired of being alone. tired of everything. so what if i said? does it make any difference? no, it doesnt. it just stays the same. i thought ur would understand me better. but not, it doesnt. now i regret saying. this just proves further. no matter how much i say/tell someone, no one understands. im just meant to be alone. all of a sudden, i just feel like keeping quiet and outcasting myself once again. i realised im just meant to be alone.

k, i've got to slp. the freaking infotech quiz totally wasted my time. and freaking please dont ask me whether im alright. whoever who knows me definitely know i cant say no. so jsut leave me alone. unless u have a way to make me stonger. if not, dont mention a word to me.
BACK TO TOP