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“Take up one idea. Make that one idea your life - think of it, dream of it, live on that idea. Let the brain, muscles, nerves, every part of your body, be full of that idea, and just leave every other idea alone. This is the way to success, that is way great spiritual giants are produced.” Swami Vivekananda
“Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.” Steve Jobs
“The truth is incontrovertible, malice may attack it, ignorance may deride it, but in the end; there it is.” Winston Churchill

yes, my whole life is in a mess now. arghh, whatever. i realised im really starting to run away again. and it really sucks. im honestly really tired of all these. of everything repeating over and over again. of me failing once and again. everything just sucks. i really feel like going back to the past me. just darken up in one corner and lead that no colour life. perhaps just some reds. somehow that urge is coming back, and im trying to hold it back. i dont think anyone would know what im saying. cause only my pri sch friends know what i did. and yes, thats good. cause they dont read this. HAHAHA.

yes, netball is in a mess. my body is in a mess. my brain is in a mess. the only thing that wont mess up is my studies. it kinda never will. guess what? when i was in sec sch, i actually thought of messing up my studies for some attention from my parents. HAHAHA. stupid? very much. but apparently, i cant bear to do it to myself. AHHAHA. no lah, i mean, it is a stupid thing to do. and im not stupid, so why do it? AHHAHA. nahh, not prasing myself. im just trying to say so what if i they dont give me their attention? i dont need them. i know i can live life staying like this. and having good results is my own prob, not theirs.

somehow, i do think giving up competitive netball is the only way to make me feel better? arghh, i really dono. but the thought of not having netball/trgs do scare me somehow. hahaha. but i am really tired hearing all those stupid nonsense reasons alr. and im also tired of my never-improving performance and my always so screwed up performance too. it just sucks. the only good part is that i know many good friends?

this part is gona be damn long and without paragraphing. so seriously, read it at ur own risk. but u have to read it. if u ever come across this blog again.

yeahh, come to talk abt it. i shall talk abt u now. i dont know when u'll see this or ever see this or even get it lahh. but im still saying. i do know good friends are hard to come by, what more friends who could understand one another. i wont exactly say i understand u, just like how u dont exactly understand me too. but i would say u are one of my good friends. cause seriously, i do believe everyone who knows me understand that i WILL NOT talk to ppl i dont like. or even ppl whom i find them oh-so-fake. so if u're not my good friend, i wouldnt even bother talking to u. whatmore tell u stuffs i normally wont tell ppl. i am glad u actually bothered reading my blog and msg me. but i would still say its alr quite late. cause this just mean we arent that impt. arghh, whatever, i think im just being unreasonable again. yes, i do know im such a person. and i do know that ppl whom are damn close to me are ppl who puts up with my character. cause i know i can be hard to be with. thats why i forgive u. k, this sounds like u made a big mistake or something. but seriously, no u didnt. i mean not that big lahh. but i cant think of any other word to replace forgive. yknow im sick now, and i seriously cant think straight. i've ended a friendship before. k, maybe not a but many. but there is one that i said stuffs that can never be taken back. and i really regret alot. and i really dont want to live my life regretting just because of my character/temper. i've too many regrets and i dont wanna add on to them. but i really do hope u wont take this for granted. i mean like just because i forgive u that fast and easily doesnt mean i agree to what u did. i did try to understand and i did understood somehow, just not fully. i try putting myself in ur shoes, and ask myself if i would do what u did. and something just tell me yes, cause i am also someone who sees a friend as impt as myself. but yes, just let me be unreasonable and say, in the first place, i wouldnt tell my friend im quitting. i would say im at an even bigger disadvantage/unhappiness and whatever than u. i would say i do know puva quite well. and i also had that feeling that the same thing would happen again, and it really did. i am really affected/sad/unhappy about it. but i told myself, at least i hang in there. but u? u didnt even try. that was really the main reason why i was really angry/disappointed at u. in fact, i wasnt the only one thats angry/upset/disappointed and i dono what else at u. ur friends in the team felt the same. it just somehow felt like betrayal? just that none of them really told/show u how they felt. actually, u know what? when some stuffs happened at netball, i kinda always thought of u first. i dont know why. perhaps because i know u will understand. cause u did go through something similar before. i dont know. ok, i dont know where this is getting. i just hope nothing like this ever happen again. if not i really dont know how i'll react alr. i believe u've alr experience how well i can stare at ppl. ur dagger stares. if it does happen again, i've no idea if its only daggers. maybe swords/poison/knives/bomb and whatever will all appear arhh! im really not kidding. but again, im not using this friendship to threaten u to join back. i really dont wanna care alr. i cant even settle my own probs i dont see how i have the rights to ask/persuade ppl to join back. who knows if u're back and im out. anything could happen, really. i dont exactly know if u really understood the whole thing. but yeah, whatever. i know i did state what i wanna say quite clearly alr. abt the feeling thingy, if u get it from here, then good for u. if u dont then too bad, im not saying. heh. and please, its not some unstraight stuffs hor. dont anyhow guess if u dont get it. and abt the whole puva thing, i did tell u before. but i think u forgot alr. so, lets see how.

k, i cant take it alr. i need to sleep. the stupid flu arent going away. and it'll suck alot. cause i cant think when im having flu. and it sucks more in sch, esp in my course-.- and theres trg tmr!! scared and happy somehow. cause in a sense, i do miss miss huang. hahaha. i cant believe it too. seriously, i rather hear all her scoldings and make me sound like im worthless than puva's crappy reasons. i really wanna work hard for ms huang. and yes, i need go sch slightly earlier tmr to take my pink form for mc): sick also need so ma fan): ohh yes!! and please pray for my ankle to go back into place. i really do think theres something wrong with it. but im not gona care. i dont think it'll affect me in any way? k, i hope.