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“Take up one idea. Make that one idea your life - think of it, dream of it, live on that idea. Let the brain, muscles, nerves, every part of your body, be full of that idea, and just leave every other idea alone. This is the way to success, that is way great spiritual giants are produced.” Swami Vivekananda
“Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.” Steve Jobs
“The truth is incontrovertible, malice may attack it, ignorance may deride it, but in the end; there it is.” Winston Churchill

hmm, i realised or already know theres quite a few ppl who reads my blog but wont/dont say. HAHAHA.

yeah, it is true that i kinda dislike talking abt what i typed. i mean like, i dont like ppl to ask if im ok. cause clearly im not but yet i cant say im not. yeah, sometimes, its really hard to keep up that smile when u're really feeling terrible inside. but yet somehow, i dono how i managed to do that. i guess thats why im always having that dao/stern/pissed off face? AHHAHA.

yes, i may always have a black face. but im really very nice loh. HAHAHA. i do know many ppl misunderstood me that way. like im very dao/fierce and everything. but if u dont agitate/irritate me, why would i have the extra energy to do anything or feel anything? but actually, if u dont mean anything to me, why will i bother feeling anything? thats dumb, yeah, thats how i work.

dont exactly know what to type. cause theres so much to say, yet dono where to start.

k, maybe just a little update. I HATE WORKING. REALLY. ITS SO DAMN BORING AND EVERYTHING. THIS IS MORE NO LIFE THAN JUST STUDYING AND NETBALLING LOH. I RATHER JUST ROT AT HOME. BUT AGAIN, MY MUM WILL KEEP NAGGING AND ITS ANNOYING. IM TRYING TO PREVENT ANY PERMANENT DAMAGE. HAHAHHA. i need time on my own. guess im really too used to being alone. need to relax with my non-living stuffs. AHHAHAHA.

k, so yes, basically thats about what im doing now. besides the occasional netballing. which is only on fridays and saturdays. its like my only relaxing time): not a holiday at all): so freaking pathetic. guess maybe i should quite soon too. if not i wont feel recharge for sch next sem. cant believe i'll be year 2 alr!! but yet, i should push on and work too. haiz, guess im really an adult now. HAHAHHA. old old old.

k, from this part onwards, its gona be things only the person im talking about will/may understand. AHHAHA. so dont bother reading if u wont even understand a thing. but if u think im talking about u, continue reading. HAHAHA

since the time u told u u read my blog, i alr knew u would continue reading. u are kinda the first one who told me u actually read my archives too. yes, i know how LONG it is. HAHAHA. cause im always typing so much!! and alot of senseless stuffs after 2005 i guess? ahhaha. before that it was much straight forward posts. HAHAHA. so i do pity ur eyes somehow. hahha. but now, i kinda didnt expect u'll still be reading. cause u seem so busy? even when i sms u u take like forever to reply? :/ not trying to blame u lah. i know how stress studies can be. im also a student rmb? doesnt mean in poly i have no stress. im still in science, and science is forever stress. HAHAH. i do hope that whatever u read previously, u didnt misinterpret them. i dont exactly rmb what i typed though. too much. but if u read it when i just know the matter, then it'll most probably be the time im most angry. HAHAHA. i guess u do know me at least that bit! but like i said, if u didnt mean anything to me, i wont feel anything. so, really, whatever that happened, its over. wo yi jing ren ming le. ke yi shuo ni gen ni de club de yi ge ren hen xiang ba. hahhaa. what i hope now is that we can still be good friends. i still rmb the times we play in the same team, eat tgt, were even table partners once!! hahaha. and the bad influence i have on u i guess :/ yeah, me sitting at the back always doing my own stuffs instead of listening:/ i also still rmb how u used to ask me and jackie stuffs on netball and things. guess now i know why u're closer to me than the other few. i mean like u talk to me more than the talking to the others lah. guess cause we were once table mates? hmm, one year right? i think from there u learnt alot of bad stuffs. but im sure i have some good stuffs to learn from too right? HAHAHHAHA. I HOPE!! YEAH, HOW LONG AGO WAS THAT MAN?! BUT NEVERTHELESS, WE'LL ALWAYS BE GOOD FRIENDS.

i wanted to talk to u after game was because erm, i saw u forcing to smile/laugh? i know how hard it is. but i guess, even if u came up to talk to me, i have no idea how to talk to u without saying mean things also :/ dont have to bluff me or deny cause i saw and understand. i been through this too. maybe u might think mine may not be as important or what, but i do think u know how i feel about netball right? so whatever it is, as long as its related to netball, its always that important to me. i guess what i can tell u is that dont give up. i know it is hard to continue persisting. but im sure u like playing netball too. yes, i dont know how ur coach works, but i believe u'll get ur chance. i think i can only say it was because of chemistry. guess he didnt want to break the flow since there wasnt much of a prob in the defending side? this kinda things, no matter how much u think u may be immune to it, u'll never be. unless u really gave up alr. just like how i've been saying im not gona focus on sch netball alr, but i know, if it happens again, i'll again be very much affected. in fact, i also dono how i'll react. i know its not worth crying/feeling sad/being affected/not wanting to play anymore because of her, but it also does show how good/bad i am as a player. no matter what ppl tell me, as long as its not from her herself, it still show that im not good enough. i dont exactly know how i get my determination or persistant to carry on, but i do know one thing - i do like playing netball and i really do want to continue playing it. i dont know if im improving neither do i know if im playing well, but i know i want to show my apology and gratitude to my coaches. yes, it may not mean anything to them, but it mean alot to me. its hard i know, but im still trying. hahha. really long way. stamina is so damn hard to maintain. im just not like the others. i wish i was, but sadly, god doesnt want me to get what i want easily. hahahha. so what im trying to say is dont give up, if u ever need me, i will be there for u. provided u dont mind me not knowing what to say. im real bad at comforting ppl. i guess u do know right? heh. though i doubt u'll ever need me. since u have so many friends!! and our way of communicating seems to be only saying mean things o.O