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“Take up one idea. Make that one idea your life - think of it, dream of it, live on that idea. Let the brain, muscles, nerves, every part of your body, be full of that idea, and just leave every other idea alone. This is the way to success, that is way great spiritual giants are produced.” Swami Vivekananda
“Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.” Steve Jobs
“The truth is incontrovertible, malice may attack it, ignorance may deride it, but in the end; there it is.” Winston Churchill
Amazed
Sunday, December 02, 2012 2:00 AM

hmm, i guess this will be a short one. and erm, a little no link one. HAHAHA. ya, i was suppose to sleep early so that i can wake up earlier tmr to study :/ but apparently, i gave in to temptations and ended up watching videos. HAHAHA.

im always very amazed(k i dono if thats the right word im feeling though) by ppl's whose friendship can last like forever. and they can be so close. doings things together and stuffs. that always make me feel like my life is really empty. with many friends who seem close yet not close. friends whom i only talk via the internet/phone. friends whom i'll actually feel awkward with talking face to face. friends whom are close to me yet sometimes i cant help but to doubt how they see me. yeah, sometimes i always wonder are they even considered my close friends? actually, i really dono. it isnt their fault but mine. cause i just have trusting issues, that i know. its really hard for me to trust someone whole-heartedly. unless i know that person since young/for a very long time.

so its really obvious who i really trust. ironically, they arent the ones whom i talked to often. hahahha. life is just really weird for me i guess? but nonetheless, im really really glad i knew them. they really made my life much easier. esp the times when i really felt like giving up. i've never really told them such things before. but i believe we all know this deep down. we may not be as close anymore. we may not see each other all that often anymore. but we do know what we all went through. its been a long tough 12 years for all of us. im glad they were there for me at my toughest time. but im just guilty that im not always there for them when they needed someone.

my mum always tell me that sec sch and poly friends are the ones that will stay with u for a longer time kinda thing? but i guess my pri sch friends proved my mum's theory wrong. in fact, i have more close pri sch friends than sec sch or even poly. sec sch i actually do not have much close friends. but actually, what really define close friends? poly, i have totally no idea. im not close to any of my own course/sch mates. yes, that bad and sad. i really dono what to talk to them abt besides studies. haiz....

netball mates, hard to say. sometimes its just so scary to even know what they're thinking. sometimes its even more scary to know that we dont mean as much to them as something else. to me, netball mates are really my everything. cause most of the time im netballing. i can only name like a few close friends who arent netballers. to me, i can really sacrifice anything for my netball friends, including my own health. that i really know. obviously, i would do the same for any of my close friends. but to them, i dont even know what i mean to them. is it that hard to put personal feelings aside and continue on? sometimes i really dont understand. or maybe i dont want to understand. sometimes i really want to show u that im angry, but i know u wouldnt understand. sometimes i really wished u guys know how much i gave in, how much i sacrifice. but i know ur wouldnt care. sometimes i really really want to ask ur straight in the face, how much this team means to u, how much ur teammates means to u. i really wish to ask u, dont all this memories mean anything to u? the photos, the bond we forge, it means alot to me. really. that i really the main reason i stayed. i know i will miss this. no matter how much i may doubt how ur see me or even this friendship, i know that i'll miss it. i know i'll miss spending time with u guys. thats why i stayed. but no matter how much i say, u dont get it. u dont get how different it'll be. im not begging u. i even more dont want to make u feel like u're indispensible. i just want u to know that u're part of the team, part of my netball life? i dono how to say this. i do know that i said before that this isnt even a team in the first place. yes, i agree. but i guess maybe the clique? its not a good thing i know. but still, somethings just cant be changed overtime.

theres really so many things going on in my mind. but i know i choose not to think. i choose not to face it. i choose not to decide. somethings i know i've alr made up my mind. but i fake that i did not. theres just so much i want to say or even tell someone. but i know it will never come. cause i dont wanna show how weak i really am. nobody will ever know how i feel. my life is sad(apparently so). but i know its not the end. whatmore im definitely happier than many others. thats the thing that keep me going. though not going on strong, but at least im still moving. hahahaha.

k, enough of crapping. everytime i say it'll be short, it ended up so long. hahahah. shucks, not enough time to sleep to wake up early alr): ppl always say im self-discipline. but actually, i really dont think i am. i just have the ability to try my best to study fast. HAHAHAH. i guess its because i dont need to copy/write the notes again to memorise things. i just need peace and time to read it. ok, bye, time to sleep.
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