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“Take up one idea. Make that one idea your life - think of it, dream of it, live on that idea. Let the brain, muscles, nerves, every part of your body, be full of that idea, and just leave every other idea alone. This is the way to success, that is way great spiritual giants are produced.” Swami Vivekananda
“Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.” Steve Jobs
“The truth is incontrovertible, malice may attack it, ignorance may deride it, but in the end; there it is.” Winston Churchill
My mind is up...
Saturday, April 27, 2013 11:57 PM

After ytd's trg, I've totally got it sorted out alr. totally. no point. I really don't see a point anymore. yes, I don't know what ms huang is thinking. yes, I am just guessing. but more than half the time im right. im scared to know. that is the truth to it.


what is contradicting is that I want to be in that team yet I don't want to play with them. so then, why do I wanna be in that team in the first place? I guess reason is simple. but yet again, I know I will be freak ass stressed out by it. the only reason why im not EXACTLY THAT exhausted by the end of the 5 consec trgs is that im not mentally worn out yet.


u asked who looked forward to enl. I answered that honestly. but I honestly also don't know the reason as to why I didn't raise my hands. yes, I am busy. yes I don't have much time to sleep. neither do I have much time to eat proper meals. esp dinner. but no, that's not my reason at all actually. cause basically I've been doing this for years. I don't exactly know why I don't look forward to it. maybe cause I know the team still have ALOT to work on. or maybe cause I don't want to know the outcome. or maybe cause I don't want to have to face ms huang. or maybe cause I don't want to end it just yet. or maybe cause I myself isn't even prepared to do my best yet, cause I know my fitness is still like shit. there's really just so many reasons. I don't even know which is actually my real reason.


but no matter what, I just hope I can keep this going for as long as my year3 ends. HAHAHHA. enl is DEFINITELY my last representation for llabten. that's definite. im not sure if i'll want to represent ever again. I believe I might. but just not now. not till I know what I really want. not till I feel happy playing netball again. as for sch, I really don't care anymore. its the first time I don't even wanna care if I actually get into the POLITE team. yes, I do feel threatened. cause there are so many tall year1s and the fact that puva doesn't like me at all. but whatever, its no longer important to me. at most my season will just cut short. but I dare to say that puva will regret not wanting to put me in. HAHAHHAHA. I still believe the fact that I can work better with ur solo players. and the fact that I ALWAYS support MUCH MORE than whichever WD u put on court. she knows it, but she just wanna try. sometimes I just don't get why coaches give up even before the team does. and also when the captain doesn't say anything abt it.


I guess my biggest regret so far in np netball is that I actually give in to my own disadvantage? I don't really know how to call it. but I really truly regret not insisting to play for the tp's game in ivp just because I haven't been cleared by the doc to play after my op. why aren't I stubborn when im supposed to?! arghhhh zzzzzzzzz


no one ever understand how I feel. I know im been saying this for ages. but I have yet to find that someone whom I could trust and talk to abt such things and also understand. yes, the standard I set for myself is high. but they are achievable. I believe that I understand how well I can play best. no matter what, nobody ever saw me playing since pri sch up till now. I believe that if I could do it then, I could also do it now. I was really almost there for polite. I believe I can do it once again if I try hard enough. this is gona be my last, and I will make it count. I don't want to constantly live in disappointments. and its the least I can pay back to ms huang.
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