profile guestbook affiliations history credits
“Take up one idea. Make that one idea your life - think of it, dream of it, live on that idea. Let the brain, muscles, nerves, every part of your body, be full of that idea, and just leave every other idea alone. This is the way to success, that is way great spiritual giants are produced.” Swami Vivekananda
“Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.” Steve Jobs
“The truth is incontrovertible, malice may attack it, ignorance may deride it, but in the end; there it is.” Winston Churchill
Too bored?
Wednesday, August 21, 2013 2:10 AM

Actually, being too free is not a good thing. In fact, I dislike being this free. It makes me feel as though I have so much time in the world that nothing seems important. I dono.

I feel that as each day goes by, im starting to dislike club more and more. Hahahah. I know, its like a 180 degrees change in topic. But whatever. Its how im feeling anyway. I dono. I just dont feel like playing anymore. I lost my purpose, my goal. I even lost the feel that im indebted to ms huang. Its like I've alr given up there. I no longer want to say sorry, I no longer want my answer. I no longer have the courage and determination to carry on. I lost the excitement of going for club trgs. Every trg just feel like a burden now. With ms huang around, I can still want to keep going, though I may not be performing also. But without ms huang, I totally dont have the feel to play. I don't get why the seniors dont understand. I guess they've nv been through/experience such things before? Why dont they see that they need to attain that respect in order for everyone to listen? I dono. Actually sometimes I ask myself, is it that the juniors respect me or that they're just scared of me? And I would choose the latter. Cause ms huang said so too. I guess maybe its just like her. The seniors/older ones respect her. But the juniors are simply scared of her. I guess its just hard to please everyone. Generations have changed. But I just dont get why do they love using their status to make us listen or whatever. Dont they understand thats not really listening? Thats just blackmailing lah.

Im really starting to HATE going trg. Sad to say, but even the teammates there arent making me motivated to even attend! We arent bonded, we've so many internal conflicts, so many two-faced ppl. What have the club even become? Just a club that wants to achieve something? Maybe its time to review their purpose of setting a club. The only purposes for me to go trg is just for the handful of ppl only. Cause its the only time I can get to see them. I guess I wanted to mix with lightning was because I hope to find more reason to let me continue trg there.

Actually I have many questions to ask. But no idea who to. Or maybe I alr knew my answer. I dont know if I should say my friends really know me well or they assume. Things that they shld take it seriously they dont seem to do that. I dono. Or maybe I really dont make a difference. Or maybe its because they know even if they said anything, it wouldnt change my thinking. But for me, I always believed in trying. U didnt even tried to talk me out of it, what makes u so sure u wouldnt be able to? To me, as long as I know I tried, I wouldnt regret.

I think im talking abt many different things.

Sometimes I really dont get whats so hard abt understanding a person/their actions. It seem like ppl know when im angry. I've no idea. I don't mean on court stuffs. I mean off court. On court everyone thinks im angry. I REALLY cant understand, dont they see the effort im putting in alr? Its just my default face. Wait till u go through the same shit as me, u'll know why is my face like this. What is there to be smiling abt? I dont know. I only know its a chore to be smiling constantly.

Arghh, im lazy to continue saying alr. Anyway I'll nv be able to find anyone who can really be there for me and understand me. Yeah, stop expecting so much and be grateful for what u alr have lah.
BACK TO TOP